elegance

Hi Everyone!

I was raised in a family where physical touch was not particularly the way we expressed our love.

But when I started dating guys I'm confused because they all seem to want to "touch" me in some way. Hold hands all the time, put their arm around me, etc. I know that's really sweet, but I wasn't bought up that way and I sometimes get an uncomfortable feeling. I used to be told that it's the girls that want touch and the men do that for sex?

Anyone else experience this - or have any tips to becoming more comfortable?

Thank you!! xox

Lon

My family was also not big on physical touch (nor many other obvious ones such as words of affection) but it was something that was ingrained in me somehow and which I did not discover was one of my primary love languages until my first relationship.

There is a myriad of reasons why a man will want to be in physical contact ranging from sincere and heartfelt to getting in your pants.

If you are not into it, then I'm sure there are guys out there that would go along but probably have also been lead to believe that all women need physical touch in order to feel loved, and so perhaps they just think it is expected of them. Communication would get to the root of the problem.

For me, even though physical touch is a big love language, I also don't like certain kinds of contact all the time. I often enjoyed holding hands but my stbx would stroke the back of my thumb with the front of hers all the time, felt like she was going to rub through it... when I asked her to stop she used to get offended. I guess than little incessant rubbing was her way of touching, so she just kept doing it eventually I just wouldn't hold her hand for more than a minute or two cause it was just too much friction on a sensitive part of my skin, then she complained I didn't like holding hands. As I write this I wonder how such a little thing was so hard to communicate without building such resentment.

Trying2figureitout

Physical touch is usually #1 or #2 on most Men's lists as far a needs almost guaranteed!

In my case it's neck and neck with quality time. (11 vs 10)

All other needs score much lower (affirmation 5, gifts 3,service 1)
5 love languages site.


So when physical touch is missing I feel significantly less love... that's why I gave my wife of 18 years a reality check with a date attached after two years of not having my needs met in the least in that regard. Also quality time was less during that period also.

Sexless mostly plus no other touch typically... that will change as we move forward... I need to know and feel she loves me and we are more than roommates.

It is not all SEX... it's about feeling close and the fact that she wants to touch me as I want to touch her. When it's missing I don't feel love nor connection and seriously question staying married to her.

So many guys fall into the same boat. Good luck.
When it's missing we think of ending even a long term marriage with kids relationship... it's that serious.

It's about thinking what your partner needs and not always yourself.

SimplyAmorous

I am not even sure being raised a certain way has anything to do with this at all ..... and I will tell you why... My Mom & Dad were NOT physical Touchers hardly at all -least not to me. Very rarely a hug, My step Mother surely was not -with me. My dad & her together --OH YEAH!

But anyway....I do recall me & my best girlfriend scratching each others backs, I enjoyed that very much even though I was not used to being touched. I also felt like my self esteem was kinda low back then, I wasn't the happiest young girl around the block, I mean, I had good times, good friends, but I surely did NOT feel loved at home.....

Then when I met my boyfriend, he was pretty touchy feely, and guess what, I came alive - I was happier, and well, this is likely what I have been missing my whole childhood. We didn't have sex but we had ALOT of other touch, he would scratch my back every single day, when we watch movies, he would run his fingers through my hair the whole time -been doing this for 30 yrs now ! I love this.

I have the book on "Childrens love languages"... TOUCH for children could be brushing your daughters hair, a slap on the back to your son, I mean, innocent things but STILL touching, it is important to these children ! I know for a fact my daughter is this.... I can tell -she LOVES her back scratched -just like me, she loves to peel masks off my face, she thinks nothing of jumping on our friend and sitting on his lap and loves to be hugged. ( Her husband should be very happy someday !!)

The mistake I made with my husband was... when we started having kids, I was touching them more than him, holding them at night - he felt less loved during that time.

I did a thread on this issue, you and husband can take the Love Languages test and see where you & he are at , so you can work toward fullfilling each other. I would not be happy if I was with someone who didn't touch me alot. I would slowly "wither", get grouchy and mean. Your husband may be similar so be very very careful to do this for him. It means THAT much to those of us who ARE this way.

If I ever found myself single, I would not even entertain the idea of being with a man without this on the top of his list, plus quality time.


What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige?


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