In desperate need of help!!!!!
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Old 11-18-2011, 04:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default In desperate need of help!!!!!

My wife and I have only been married for 5 months!!! Up until a week ago, we were great...deep i love you's, average passion, had fun with each other...we also have a 15 month old son and my 5yr old daughter..last thursday she wanted a girls night so i said ok..she did not come home until 5 in the morning!!! Then she decides to tell me 3 days later, that she doesnt feel the same about me because ive slacked of on my duties as a man...so i pick myself up, and i begin changing. Then last night she tells me she is not in love with me anymore....i am crushed...she says she doesnt know if she wants to work it out...i love her so deeply and truely....i am prepared to spend the rest of my life with this beautiful woman...i am scared...what do i do..how do i act...is she lost? She wont say i love you, touch me or anything...the only thing we do is talk...PLEASE HELP...i feel like im losing my whole world

Last edited by Towerdawg; 11-18-2011 at 04:15 PM. Reason: need to add more
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Old 11-18-2011, 05:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

It's pretty clear her girls night out was really with a man.

First deal with her cheating and affair, then you can begin to work on the marriage.
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Old 11-18-2011, 07:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

Honest opinion?..Don't walk around grovelling at her feet. You didn't do anything wrong. Give it time and try to see what really happened, clearly she's talking to someone else. They usually are when they're so eager to write you off.
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Old 11-18-2011, 08:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

Sorry guy, this is screaming affair. Get on her phone, computer, facebook and do some digging.
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Old 11-18-2011, 10:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

I feel bad for you and your situ. start by getting contol of your emotions. You in a panic state only will make you less attractive to her. Work on getting your head right and focus on you first. i would not even talk to her about for a couple of weeks. put your best foot forward and be a good dude. It boils down to her and what she wants and no matter how hard you try you cannot change that. i noticed your child is much older than your marriage.She may have married because it was the thing to do. If she loves you she will come around. best of luck.
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Old 11-18-2011, 11:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

lpad has good advice. I'd add that you need to figure out what is really going on before you get a plan of attack. The I love you but I'm not in love with you speech, is a classic infidelity justification.

It's possible she's just checking out. It's more likely there is another man in the picture. If it's the first, your course of action is a little different than if it's the later.

You can get good advice on this board, but you'll need to determine what is really going on first. Either way, it's really hard and I empathize. Many have gone through this before, so chin up.
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Old 11-19-2011, 04:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

I said essentially the same thing to my husband. We have some other issues, that i've posted before. However, I also feel like I do love him but am not in love with him. I was going through a reaally tough time and still am, for about two years before I found out I was going through a midlife crisis. I know it sounds corny or trite but I really am trying find myself. Some of the symptoms of a midlife crisis are becoming more corncerned with physical appearance. I started wearing nicer clothes, I started spending money on me, not just the kids( we have three little ones). I stared wearing make-up and buying heels. I ever wear a stitch of make up. I do not know how to put it on. My main point is I have not ever had any kind of affair, not physical, sexual, or emotional. I don't email or chat online with anyone, (besides this site). I have changed a lot inside and out and am tryng figure out who I am and what I want, and I am not sure if or how my husband can or will fit. Obviously I don't know what your wife is going through. I hope this is helpful.
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Old 11-19-2011, 05:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

Why do you want to stay with a woman who is ready to throw in the towel after only 5 months of marriage? Regardless of anything else, that alone makes me think she sees no value in the relationship. Clearly you were together for at least 10 months previous to getting married. Do you have a long history with her? Sounds like you married a future baby-mama. Was she simply looking for a baby sitter?
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Old 11-19-2011, 01:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Old 11-19-2011, 01:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

She just broke down and flat out said (in tears) that she didn't love me anymore and don't know if she ever will again....wow..this hurts...I thought this was it. I clearly feel her pain, and want to help her, but that's not possible now. Hard times ahead; have to find new friends, new places to hang out so I don't see her and get jealous, etc.etc....any advice
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Old 11-19-2011, 01:34 PM   #11 (permalink)
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By the way, we have been together for three years..
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Old 11-19-2011, 02:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

Yea, as hard as it may be..dont go running back to her. More than likely she's going through a phase..dont let her drag you down into her mess. Stay strong, try to keep busy. Its hard, but can be done.
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Old 11-19-2011, 02:50 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

Married only 5 months and she gives you the cheater's classic line ILBINILWY? Chances are good that she had sex with another man. Give her what she wants, a divorce.
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Old 11-19-2011, 02:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Nikki1023 View Post
Yea, as hard as it may be..dont go running back to her. More than likely she's going through a phase..dont let her drag you down into her mess. Stay strong, try to keep busy. Its hard, but can be done.
Is it wrong to want to be completely comatose during this.
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Old 11-19-2011, 03:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: In desperate need of help!!!!!

So don't be "comatose." Be proactive. Check her emails, her FB page (if she has one), the cookies on your computer and it's history (if she hasn't erased it), her cell phone ... whatever.

Gather all the information you need. It sounds like you will find it. Then you present it to her. Also, have an initial consultation with a good family law attorney; often, they are free of charge.

Get your ducks in a row, my friend. And to do that, you DEFINITELY cannot remotely resemble being comatose.
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