On Turning 40 - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 03:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: On Turning 40

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I have a friend that's ten years older than me, so we had a joint birthday party where we turned "90" together - good times!

The year I turned 40 was a difficult year for me, lots of unwelcome change, and some unexpected as well as unwelcome change. It was not a happy or hopeful start to my forties, but I found my way through, and the last five years have been Fantastic Forties for me. I'm about to turn 49 and couldn't be happier and looking forward to my fifties.

The advice I'd give my younger self...Trust yourself and trust in yourself. You know what you're doing.

The advice I'd give you - have a blast and enjoy the hell out of your forties. This is great time of life for so many reasons (not the least of which is how much smarter and wiser you'll become as you approach your next decade milestone ).
The joy in your words referring to Fantastic Forties, is palpable! Well done on getting there and getting through.

I love the words of wisdom you would offer yourself and to me. Thank you!
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post #32 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 06:52 AM
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Cool Re: On Turning 40

IMHO, age is only a state of mind!

A number of my close friends and cohorts have always kiddingly teased me that I'm really dead, but that the fact of matter is I haven't quite laid down yet!

Let's just say that I may well be in my 60's, but as active as I keep myself, I greatly feel like I'm in my 40's!

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post #33 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 08:21 AM
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Re: On Turning 40

I worked in software at the time (on the business side), so I wrote a press release about the new, "Kerry 4.0 version," a few known bugs and issues, but overall better than ever!
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post #34 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 08:48 AM
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Re: On Turning 40

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I hear you start "feeling your age" after 40. Not there yet.
I'm well past that age (and well past 50 too, for that matter) and I don't "feel my age" yet. I still get surprised sometimes when I see that old guy in the mirror... although he does look pretty good for his age.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #35 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 10:05 AM
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Re: On Turning 40

I guess the best thing I realized when I turned forty was that there was still time. To dig myself out of my self-imposed hell... to change the person I was and to be a better man.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #36 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-12-2016, 10:38 AM
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Re: On Turning 40

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Hello ladies (and gentlemen too), what did you do and how did you celebrate your 40th birthday?

How did you feel going into your 40s?

With that time in your life in mind, if you were to give yourself some advice knowing what you know now, what would it be?
Ah...the 40th bday..... :\

I had hoped to have a semi-big party in our new home that we just purchased... H is always slow on the upbeat, so I made sure to let him know what I really wanted as I hardly ever asked for anything before. Hinted never worked, so I said what I wanted. Looking back, I realized that I should have just done the whole thing by myself for myself...but I was still hoping that H would do something nice for me.

What I got...nothing...I was really hurt and upset and angry and made it very clear how I felt...which H played off as no big deal...The kids made me some handmade cards, which is great because I love that kind of stuff from the kiddos.

This is when I hit bottom and realized that I deserve better than someone who always put me last and never cared about what I wanted. I started IC and then several months later treated myself to a gnarly ass tattoo...which then started the spiral down of my marriage.

Age had never really mattered much to me...I don't feel old, but now I feel like I am seeing things with new eyes.

I am currently trying to live MY life to the fullest, without regard to my H. I can only make ME happy and I am doing everything I can to get myself there.

I turn 42 next month and I'm thinking of planning an out of town alone trip...or maybe not so alone...

Happy 40s and beyond everyone!!
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post #37 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 10:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: On Turning 40

He played it off like it was no big deal? The inconsiderate inaction would have been hurtful, particularly when you communicated what you wanted. But... it sounds like you're navigating your 40s with new eyes, a refreshed perspective, and taking things into stride and looking out for yourself. Happy (advanced) birthday wishes to you for next month!

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #38 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 11:10 PM
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Re: On Turning 40

Well I'm gonna be 50 next month.. so that should make you feel a little better...

I was talking to a woman today who said she knew someone who cried all day.. and another who took off , left the house.. didn't want any phone calls wishing her happy anything (that was 50 though.. not 40).....

I don't remember celebrating anything when I hit 40... but looking back.. this last decade has been the most exciting, the most sexual, the most romantic years of our marriage.. I look back with a number of what I would call those "Mountain top" moments ...if anything.. wow, will I ever miss our 40's ! Even with his slowing down a bit.. I was flying high... I felt on top of the world... I remember wanting to Stop Time, this being our best years, with the ages of the kids.. things like that..

Really... I don't like getting older at all, our looks slowly fade & as the years creep along.. we can expect more health issues to come upon us - but if you still feel young... Celebrate it !@# Dance... do what's on your Bucket list.. this is something I went after in my 40's...all those things I said I always wanted to do.. try.. go see.. but kept saying "It can wait"... I realized Life is only going to pass us by... LIVE NOW...Enjoy!

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post #39 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-14-2016, 12:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: On Turning 40

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I don't remember celebrating anything when I hit 40... but looking back.. this last decade has been the most exciting, the most sexual, the most romantic years of our marriage.. I look back with a number of what I would call those "Mountain top" moments ...if anything.. wow, will I ever miss our 40's ! Even with his slowing down a bit.. I was flying high... I felt on top of the world... I remember wanting to Stop Time, this being our best years, with the ages of the kids.. things like that..

Really... I don't like getting older at all, our looks slowly fade & as the years creep along.. we can expect more health issues to come upon us - but if you still feel young... Celebrate it !@# Dance... do what's on your Bucket list.. this is something I went after in my 40's...all those things I said I always wanted to do.. try.. go see.. but kept saying "It can wait"... I realized Life is only going to pass us by... LIVE NOW...Enjoy!
This was really uplifting to read. How wonderful that you enjoyed your 40s so much! I have a feeling you will enjoy your 50s just as much. Thank you for sharing how you have felt. 'Mountain top' moments, I love that.

Birthday celebrations are important to me. Actually, any excuse to celebrate life and arrange fun things! My 30th birthday, to be memorable, I chose something out of my comfort zone. Being scared of heights, I went with something to challenge that. And the fear well and truly kicked in. I froze. Group setting. Painfully aware that my fear was delaying the rest of the group and that I couldn't turn back. Somehow my husband managed to gently coax me out of frozen mode and on to achievement. It remains one of my most cherished memories.

For my 40th, I have again been considering something out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just go to a day spa like a normal person? With feeble attempts at cooking in the past, I'm considering a cooking class with our friends. As ridiculous as it sounds, cooking remains to be intimidating to me! Another thing I've been too scared to try is horse riding. I couldn't say they're 'bucket list' moments. More 'stuff that could be fun' if I embraced it.

Approaching 40, I have noticed certain thoughts creep in about life direction but in the next breath, I feel so damn grateful for being here, for all the experiences that keep me simultaneously on my toes and settled. I really like the sentiment about understanding and trusting in the timing of things. Basically, to let go.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #40 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 08:22 AM
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Re: On Turning 40

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Originally Posted by heartsbeating View Post
For my 40th, I have again been considering something out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just go to a day spa like a normal person? With feeble attempts at cooking in the past, I'm considering a cooking class with our friends. As ridiculous as it sounds, cooking remains to be intimidating to me! Another thing I've been too scared to try is horse riding. I couldn't say they're 'bucket list' moments. More 'stuff that could be fun' if I embraced it.
I grew up around horses and competed in saddlebred shows. Of everyone taking lessons, it was basically teenagers or younger. Mostly spoiled little girls that got on my nerves, so I gave that up in favor of water skiing when I was about 15.

I'm not sure if horseback riding lessons will be something you might like, unless you will enjoy hearing all the gossip about what Billy Jenkins did to Samantha in Mr Whitmire's 8th grade science class. I googled what the group of students look like taking horseback, and yep, this is them:



So if you do take lessons, make it a point to take something separate from all the kids.

Cheers,
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post #41 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 04:35 PM
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Re: On Turning 40

I was single at the time. I didn't end up planning any of it.

My last GF knew I had not connected with a new one and neither had she, so she dropped by the Sunday prior to my 40th with a bottle of wine and said she figured there would be nothing wrong with us reliving the sensuality we enjoyed during our 6 months together.

A woman I'd just met, and was interested in came over on the day and said this was early for her in a relationship, but a birthday seemed as good a reason as any to overcome the usual sexual shyness. We ended up dating only a few months, though.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #42 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 04:41 PM
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Re: On Turning 40

After 40 it is all decay.

It becomes all about controlling the rate of decay.
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post #43 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 04:44 PM
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Re: On Turning 40

.

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post #44 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2016, 09:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: On Turning 40

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After 40 it is all decay.

It becomes all about controlling the rate of decay.
This made me laugh!

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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post #45 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: On Turning 40

Well, there are many times I've been inspired by TAM. And @Satya I'm now thinking of dancing my way into the big 4-0! It's something Batman and I can learn and share in together. Great for fitness too! We were at a festival recently and an older couple took the lead on the dance floor and I was secretly in awe.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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