I'm not lumping you in with the other childfree people that i encountered in this 'movement'. From your last post, it's clear that you can't relate to them either. I only brought this up because even though at one point in my life I was resigned to remain 'childfree' and appreciated this as a legitimate lifestyle choice and I was looking for others who felt the same way. However, I did not at all relate to this movement which promotes itself as recognising childfree as a healthy lifestyle option. I found the whole thing very unhealthy. I appreciate the pressure that people put on having children and that's part of the reason that I wanted to reach out to others. Anyway I don't want to hijack this thread any further.
I just wonder if there are any places where childfree people can gather without all of the 'childfree' unhealthy bitterness and anti-breeder nonsense. Not for me as I decided against remaining childfree, however, I do appreciate it as a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.
The "childfree" and "breeders" things is a wee bit weird and offensive. I certainly don't belong to a "childfull" club and talk about the "unfruitfuls". Maybe those who suggest you might want children just think you might be interested in the experience? I doubt they were intending it as an insult.
It's also weird to on one hand say that you stay away from baby showers while at the same time constantly post about how proud and happy you are about your "childfree" life. That's cool, I get it. You don't want to have kids. I really don't care. I've never given a crap whether people "breeded" or not. It's totally a personal choice and I think has little to do with being a woman. That_girl is right...being a woman means having a vagina.
I like that ..."How do you spend your time"?
You are very "considerate" Heartsbeating of another's possible insecurities- as your Mother felt this. When I think of YOUR relating... graceful & elegant comes to mind -always. Except with your brother that one day -ha ha -but he had it coming !
Aww thankyou, that's lovely to read ...and you made me chuckle mentioning that scenario!
I'd like to add that I ask both men and women "How do you spend your time?" It just seems to open a different dialogue than simply asking if someone has a job and what that is. We are not defined by our jobs. I'm interested in more than that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
I've definitely felt "inferior" to some Career women, like I am "less" because I am dependent on a MAN to take care of me, I can not relate to thier fast paced 1st class business world at all really. Or I wonder how will some see me if I don't go to work when the smallest is in kidnergarten -all day (next year in fact).
I likely "think" about this - the "lazy" "uneducated" stigma on SAHM's -that I feel society has slowly raised - I would compare this in a similar manner that FirstYearDown does....it is somehow "expected" of women to work this day & age..... the same she sees women having children, so even us Mothers have our own little insecurities to deal with, at least those of us who do not work.
Last week I bumped into an ex-colleague from when we both worked corporate. I haven't seen her since moving back, so it's been about 2-3 years. I knew she'd had a second child in that time and I asked about her family. She then seemed to apologetically explain as to why she wasn't working anymore. If I hadn't experienced my mom's stories, it's likely I would have been completely confused by her reaction. I responded (and was laughing while saying this, as it was meant to be light-hearted), that before getting my new job, it was really hard to leave our new dog at home so I couldn't even imagine how hard it must be to leave a baby to go to work and that if she has the option not to work, then good for her and I don't blame her for wanting to spend time with her children. Thankfully she laughed along and got the humor with my dog story. And for the record, I don't treat my dog like a kid - he's a dog and is treated as such!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Now if you can read that -and have no pangs of jealousy, then this is not meant for you. Reading something like that when I couldn't conceive would seriously P*** me off, I was angry at the world, no jealously overtook me more than the desire to bare more children. But again, that is ME.
I've always considered myself somewhat a city girl but I can feel that changing ....lately I've been craving quietness and nature and a lifestyle around that. I admired your reflections and while there was no pangs of jealousy surrounding family, I could certainly feel myself desiring the landscape you described. And I'm happy for you that you are living the life you wanted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Whatever Drives YOU..... whatever well spring is inside of you prompting to do this or that, connect with it, embrance it and no apologies necessary to anyone else who comes across our path.
That_girl is right...being a woman means having a vagina.
I disagree - I think having a vagina makes one female. Okay, so yes, a woman is also female too. But this is where I think the construction of woman comes into place.
To consider what I believe a woman to be, she would exude certain qualities. To me, a woman is someone that has maturity. She displays compassion, intuition, self-acceptance and strength. She is able to embrace and welcome. She is able to set boundaries and say no. She is emotional but is not a slave to her emotions. She allows herself to be vulnerable. She has self-respect. She inspires. She is comfortable in her own skin and from that place, she helps to put others at ease too. There is a kindness and softness as well as an inner strength. She is intelligent. And being intelligent doesn't equate to having a degree, no it's more than that. It's about wisdom and social intelligence. A woman is able to say sorry and admit her mistakes. A woman is someone you trust, you know you are seeing the real them, and you know she sees beyond the superficial. She has self-awareness.
I don't think of myself as a "woman". I am just a human...with a vagina...who likes pretty things. In my philosophical thoughts, I am myself, my soul, in a female's body.
All this other talk makes no sense to me. You are who you are. If you're female, you are a woman, and whatever you chose to do with that title is up to you and should take no scorn from other people.
The "childfree" and "breeders" things is a wee bit weird and offensive. I certainly don't belong to a "childfull" club and talk about the "unfruitfuls". Maybe those who suggest you might want children just think you might be interested in the experience? I doubt they were intending it as an insult. When did I say that the suggestion I may want children is insulting? Read my other posts again. "Childfree" is a term that implies that our lives are not lacking anything by not having children, hence eschewment of the word "childless."
It's also weird to on one hand say that you stay away from baby showers while at the same time constantly post about how proud and happy you are about your "childfree" life. That's cool, I get it. You don't want to have kids. I really don't care. I've never given a crap whether people "breeded" or not. It's totally a personal choice and I think has little to do with being a woman. That_girl is right...being a woman means having a vagina. Does it offend you when I post about my choice? I'm not sure why; I have no issue with members that always post about their children. I avoid baby showers because I am not interested in defending my choice or fielding inappropriate questions.
To me, a woman is someone that has maturity. She displays compassion, intuition, self-acceptance and strength. She is able to embrace and welcome. She is able to set boundaries and say no. She is emotional but is not a slave to her emotions. She allows herself to be vulnerable. She has self-respect. She inspires. She is comfortable in her own skin and from that place, she helps to put others at ease too. There is a kindness and softness as well as an inner strength. She is intelligent. And being intelligent doesn't equate to having a degree, no it's more than that. It's about wisdom and social intelligence. A woman is able to say sorry and admit her mistakes. A woman is someone you trust, you know you are seeing the real them, and you know she sees beyond the superficial. She has self-awareness.
This to me is what a woman is.
Oh Baby, where did you get all of that !! That was near inspirational and covered seriously.... E V E R Y T H I N G !! - and you see, nothing about motherhood , nor having a career was even required . Love it !
I disagree - I think having a vagina makes one female. Okay, so yes, a woman is also female too. But this is where I think the construction of woman comes into place.
To consider what I believe a woman to be, she would exude certain qualities. To me, a woman is someone that has maturity. She displays compassion, intuition, self-acceptance and strength. She is able to embrace and welcome. She is able to set boundaries and say no. She is emotional but is not a slave to her emotions. She allows herself to be vulnerable. She has self-respect. She inspires. She is comfortable in her own skin and from that place, she helps to put others at ease too. There is a kindness and softness as well as an inner strength. She is intelligent. And being intelligent doesn't equate to having a degree, no it's more than that. It's about wisdom and social intelligence. A woman is able to say sorry and admit her mistakes. A woman is someone you trust, you know you are seeing the real them, and you know she sees beyond the superficial. She has self-awareness.
This to me is what a woman is.
I think you're describing what is a good woman rather than a woman, but I'm not sure I qualify via your definition. My maturity is lacking and at times I'm a slave to my emotions. Boo.
FYD, it doesn't offend me. It makes me think....hmmm...FYD seems pretty hung up on this child/no child thing I wonder what her deal is. That about sums it up. What I'm telling you, in all honesty and without saying it makes you a bad or good person or that I think it's wrong or right, when I read some of your posts I think to myself...FYD is really struggling with her decision not to have children and what that means to her and those in her world.
I think people talk about their children because children are a large part of their lives. They interact and care for them every day. There are a lot of experiences that come from that (both good, bad and in-between) and so they share them.
Being childfree is a large part of my life too. We are all free to post whatever is important to us here.
I have repeated this several times in this thread: I have never struggled with my choice.
I believe that some mothers want me to be uncomfortable with my choice. Perhaps they cannot imagine being happy without children, so they project their own lack of understanding onto me.
Being childfree is a large part of my life too. We are all free to post whatever is important to us here.
I have repeated this several times in this thread: I have never struggled with my choice.
I believe that some mothers want me to be uncomfortable with my choice. Perhaps they cannot imagine being happy without children, so they project their own lack of understanding onto me.
Live and let live.
How can lack of something be a big part of your life except for that it is not there? Childfree? I mean...do you really need to come up with a term for it. That's basically making you stick out, not blend in. My point is that it's you who makes a big deal about it not those with children. I don't think any mother here cares one way or the other but that is just my perception.
I don't know about the not being able to imagine a Mother's life without children. I do it all the time. hahaha!
I believe that some mothers want me to be uncomfortable with my choice. Perhaps they cannot imagine being happy without children, so they project their own lack of understanding onto me.
Live and let live.
The way you worded this, made me think of Religion, how many feel it is their duty to push thier beliefs on another. I think you should print some of these out (below) and if ever, there is a next time where someone /anyone is trying to push their "way of convinced thinking"- their beliefs of fullfillment onto you, you should slowly open your purse, take one of these out , smile & hand it to them to read . Yeah, it is a little bold, but -if more looked at the world like this, we would all get along better and be more supportive, even with our differences.
Quote:
"Different Drums for Different Drummers"
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right--- FOR ME. To put up with me is the 1st step to understanding me.
Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You and I are fundamentally different and both of us have to march to our own drummer.
I think you're describing what is a good woman rather than a woman, but I'm not sure I qualify via your definition. My maturity is lacking and at times I'm a slave to my emotions. Boo.
I wouldn't dare to suggest that I qualify with my own definition either. You're right though - it's describing the qualities I think of if I consider the essence and qualities of a woman; a good woman, a wise woman, the things that I'd consider to truly be a matured woman and the wonderful qualities of such a person.
Re: What makes us women? 
I avoid baby showers because I am not interested in defending my choice or fielding inappropriate questions. 
