You DONT have to be a MOTHER to be a WOMAN..but you have to be a WOMAN to be a MOTHER .
And when I say WOMAN I mean a strong minded individual who does not allow others to manipulate her..and someone who can take care of them self, and does not need others to do every thing for her.
People are nosy, and try to push their lifestyle on others. I have two kids, I became a mother young..my husband travels..and my kids are the same sex..and are only 2 years apart. Its alot of work, but I hold down the fort. Do you know what I hear? When are you having a third. Its pure insanity..I think its ridiculous..and tell them to mind their own business..you should do the same
Do you know what I hear? When are you having a third. Its pure insanity..I think its ridiculous..and tell them to mind their own business..you should do the same
Ok, please explain this to me, I really don't "get it". Why does such a question insult you so fiercely - it appears overkill to me. If someone asked me if was going to have #7 I would not be in the least bit insulted, or felt my dear privacy was invaded.
When I hear women talk the way some have on this thread with such irritation in their words with mere innocent questions being hailed as 'It is none of your damn business" responses...or wanting to say such ...you know what I think to myself.... women are impossible!! I guess the lesson here is.... keep it directed to the "weather" or give me some duct tape on my mouth, please...because women are very very very very easily offended. How in the world are we to judge who is going to REACT like that to a mere question. This is WHY people are not friendly anymore , it is not worth the effort to be.
It is almost scary to me. I am not ignorant of human behavior, I don't go around and insult women, but I have ASKED these types of questions innocently enough, I have never had a responder dump on me like that - thank GOD !
But I have learned something here... for the rest of my life , I will now PAUSE, REALIZE no matter what response I may get from a woman, she may secretly be thinking ...I am rude, insulting & invading her privacy. Damn, I never knew I was such an ogre.
I used to get bothered when people would say, "Oh, you have only girls? Time to try for a boy!" as if my girls weren't good enough or boys are more valuable. Now, I just say my girls are enough and we're complete.
The implication that she needs to have a third child is the issue, SA. You did not like people commenting on the size of your family, right?
Nobody is trying to be unfriendly...it's just that we all have different boundaries.
I think it has alot to do with the act of "friendliness" .
Now my original reply was about Nikkis comment.... asking if she was going to have another. Not these "When are you going to have another?" ... I suppose there is a difference between "Are you " vs. "When are you" if we really want to dissect.
I do not believe I have ever said "When" to someone - because that is too forward & yes, assuming. But I also wouldn't crucify someone for saying that. I guess this is where we differ .
If the comment was just asking "Are you going to have kids someday?" or "Are you planning another?" .... I would HOPE these simple questions are not looked upon as an IMPLICATION thrusting anothers beliefs upon you..
This is what my intentions would be ......... I see a simple QUESTION in the flow of a conversation, a relatable curious question, someone has kids, we ask about kids - this is quite typical. Even at a Baby Shower, it seems reasonable to me to ask about BABIES, If we go to a coin show, we talk about coins, If someone owns a boat, we ask Boat questions, you get the drift. Absolutely NOTHING MORE is meant by it whatsoever, there is no implication - at least not from ME and I surely do not feel every woman who asks these questions has such an intent.
I do not feel such a question is NOSY, insane, ridiculous, invading of anothers privacy, it was purely an attempt to "get to know someone a little better" This is a part of showing yourself friendly .....don't you hate when you meet people and all they do is talk about themselves ? Wouldn't you much rather have someone take a breath & ask you a personal question , even if it is not your favorite subject, it shows they are interested in YOU!"
And in no way would I compare a "do you think you will have another?" (which is NOT negative at all at that point) to a comment such as ....."It would be too hard on the family?" from my MIL. (that was an assesment that somehow my kids are a burden)... I do not see these even comparable.
And sometimes people who have all one sex DO want the other sex, I was one of them! Does this make me a bad person, that I don't love my sons somehow by such thinking or asking another ?? Even Doctors crack those kinds of comments, do we feel he is nosy too? Sometimes we can be insulted a little TOO EASY. I would understand others may feel that way , given I do , again, this comes to relating , or an attempt to relate. None of us are perfect, we speak out of who we are, I love my sons no less than my daughter & nor would such a question even insinuate that a parent would love one sex less!
I am very thankful others give me GRACE when I open my mouth, and I try to do the same when others speak their questions to me. Questions hardly seem a threat -when you think about it....
..........It completely gives YOU the floor ....so kindly tell your askers that you adore your 2 girls, you have no desire for a son, this should even be enjoyable, as it gives an opportunity to state how much you love your girls & they fullfill your life & you'll have sons someday when they marry! Wouldn't this be a excellent way to handle it without making the person asking feel like they should crawl under a rock & die ?
Here is where I CAN AGREE boundaries have been crossed....IF after you answer the "question", annoyed as you may be, letting them know you do NOT desire children, or your quiver is full, or laugh it off saying "are you crazy, 2 is enough! " -while not throwing a defensive "it's none of your business" at them ...
Then ...IF they stomp on your answer & try to CONVINCE YOU you are making a mistake, they know what is best for you & your husband, telling you -you will reget this when you are older...now you are thrust into the position to RESTATE what you already said !.....THIS is where I see a crossing of boundaries , NOT in the previous question. That is simply too harsh.
Let me give you an example that happened to me personally.... This was not about having kids, but how kids are delivered....
A lady from my church, she is a Doula, she feels every woman SHOULD be able to have a natural birth, or she is missing Gods Calling, also you must breastfeed -none of you would want to meet this woman, trust me!.... ....anyway, ran into her one fateful day in the Walmart Parking lot...she asked me how many kids I had , I mentioned how I delivered them all by C-sections , and she started to tell me that had SHE been my doula, I could have had ALL of them natural, yes, she sounded VERY confident, and well, I didn't exactly agree with her, my doc said my bone structure was small , and he forseen trouble before I ever delivered my 1st. I let her know I loved MY C-sections, I am thankful all of my kids are healthy, happy & I do not regret my deliveries, every one a precious memory & I wouldn't change a thing.
But she stood there in that parking lot arguing with me how she knows better than my Doctor, in fact putting Doctors down..and How I could have delivered natural then goes on to tell me everything wrong with C-sections. Honestly, I don't mind people too much, I was not all that bend out of shape about this, but I clearly felt after I explained MY Happiness with MY secions, she was trying to PRESS her beliefs onto me. IT WAS TOO MUCH. She should have been gracious in allowing me "MY experience" though different from hers, after I expressed my enjoyment of My births, the kids are here, healthy happy, it's all good . That bordered on RUDE, boundary pressing. Although I never really held it against her, we became closer friends even!
That doula sounds over the top. Everyone I know who advocates natural birth knows c-sections have their place.
That 'third child thing' - I got 'why on earth did you want a third child?' when I was pregnant with my third from someone who just couldn't comprehend why a woman would choose to have more than two these days. You've just got to do your own thing and let the naysayers comments fly right over your head.
AMEN. Do thine own thing.
Yes, this Doula was over the top, in fact another lady in our church confided in me that this same woman made her feel like crap about her own birth to the point of tears, like she was "less than a Mother" for needing a section, Like God failed her because she prepared & prayed for a natural birth. In her case, her daughter almost died. So yes, this Doula DOES get carried away in her passion for her purpose -delivering babies like the 1800's I guess. But she still has her good points, she was our Mops leader, she was a blessing too. She also is against IUD's and I argued with her on that one day, whatever, I still like the woman. If she can put up with me, I can put up with her.
I've had countless people think Me & mine have lost our minds in wanting a big family - they mention the cost, the headache, the loss of freedom, saying "wait till they are teens!", being leeches when they are older. I am not at all offended by such naysayers. I look at it this way.....they could easily be saying to me...."I would never want another child, it drained my bank account, we gave up too many vacations, my son was on drugs at 15, my daughter got knocked up & we're raising her child" .... so for them, they are speaking out of their BAD experiences. This does not bother me, I expect people to do this to some extent. I can not leash everyone's mouth ya know.
I enjoy the opportunity to let them know why It is "fullfilling" for me. It is no bother. It is simply conversation to me, nothing more.
I can be hurt like any other woman, I am sensitive too...but sometimes we have to learn in life... how we REACT to these comments shows how confident we are in our standing -with a peaceful resolve - to desire children or choose a childfree life, nothing is wrong with either option. Just as a natural birth vs C-section due to a small pelvis or complications to the child. Had I lived 100 yrs ago, I might have been one of those moms who DIED in childbirth so I am overwhelmingly thankful I live today.
I knew I wanted children at a very young age and I was blessed with a boy and a girl who are now very beautiful productive adults. My best friend who has been married the same number of years as I decided very early on in her marriage (along with her husband) that they would not have children. We are best friends and we have made our own decisions and will remain best friends forever. There is no judgement rather acceptance and respect for eachothers decisions in life. There is way too much judgement when others expect a couple to have children. Who has the right to judge and impose on a couple?...nobody...live and let live.
Sheba is our baby. My husband and I call each other "Mommy and Daddy." Yeah, we're a little bit psycho.
Seriously, we enjoy our kitten immensely. She eats the best food and receives optimal care. We had a runt kitten who died very young; she was half the size she should have been because of a congenital heart disorder. Sheba is strong, healthy and very smart.
I don't do any other crazy cat lady things, like buy clothing and wigs for her or have a facebook page for our kitten. I feel very sad when I see people do nonsense like buy friggin' fake hair for their animals.
I once saw a diamond collar for a cat.
Today I had to be very hard on Shebs because she wouldn't stay away from the Christmas tree. I tried shouting, but it didn't work this time. So after I put Sheba in her carrier and flicked water drops at her, the kitten finally stopped being stubborn.
SA, since you enjoy your large brood, ROCK ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF!! I am jealous of your children, because they have such a well adjusted and happy mother.
And you know what is so funny about this comment, thank you by the way, I can be very very BAD ......is I would likely be a Wailing bit** if I didn't have my kids. It is like I KNEW what my destiny was ...even back then...but I was so Darn impatient, and very frustrated because it wasn't happening - fast enough -for me. God had other plans.
I am happy, but I still struggle with patience at times !! We all have our issues in life.
Sorry, let me expand that a bit. Not having the ability to successfully conceive and give birth to children. Just the general anatomy to do so. I didn't mean to imply that any woman must choose to become pregnant and deliver a child to be a woman. More accurately, the simple answer imo in what actually makes a woman would be the estrogen and her anatomy.