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Hi, why do these Top twenty traits matter to woman?

15K views 114 replies 38 participants last post by  Andy1001 
#1 ·
The Top 20 Traits Women Want in a Man
.................................................. ................................................
Results
We organized traits and characteristics according to the percentage of women who ranked them within the top 10 attributes. Women rated traits relating to character and personality much higher than they scored those reflecting physical attractiveness. For example, only 13 percent of women included muscular build as a requisite for hotness, while 66 percent placed moral integrity as a "make me quiver" characteristic. Check out the supporting data.

Top 5 Character Traits

84%p
1. Faithfulness
More than 8 out of 10 women rated "faithful to me" in the top 10 attributes they find sexy in a man. A woman's tendency toward attachment is a biological imperative, a matter of raising offspring right. Reassure her (often) that you're not going anywhere.

75%
2. Dependability
Three out of four women say they look for a man who makes commitments and follows through. Being responsible—even if it's just remembering to pick up salad dressing on your way over to her place—sends a positive signal that someday you might commit.

67%
3. Kindness
Young women may still fall for the bad-boy type, but more-mature women are turned on by kindness, because kindness inspires confidence. In other words, if you treat the waitress well, your date figures you'll treat her well, too.

66%
4. Moral Integrity
Having the guts to tell the truth means to a woman that you have the guts to be a good, caring, decent partner over the long haul. White lies are okay; just avoid any that are tinged with gray.

51%
5. Fatherliness
Being a good dad (or having the potential to become one) is about being a good role model—and about being patient and caring, qualities women like in a partner. If you're not a father, then tell her about your favorite niece or nephew, or the employee you're mentoring at work.

Top 5 Personality Traits

77%
1. Sense of Humor
Being able to laugh at the stresses of this world is a must, according to the women on our panel. You get bonus points if you can make them laugh. Humor tells a woman that you can laugh at—read, handle easily—the many difficulties that life throws at you.

55%
2. Intelligence
A worldy, interesting man is a man she likes to show off. Men who are take-charge problem solvers make women feel secure, and men who are always improving are never boring.

46%
3. Passion
Why have women always melted for musicians? Because rock stars are passionate in public. Women like displays of passion because they're not accustomed to seeing them from men. Get passionate about something: kayaking, impressionistic art, barbecuing, or Habitat for Humanity. It's proof that you care for and about something beyond yourself.

41%
4. Confidence
A man who feels secure in his own skin makes the woman he's with feel secure. By showing you can handle unfamiliar people or situations, you tell the woman in your life that she need not fear, either.

38%
5. Generosity
This is more important to women over 35 than it is to those under that age. Generosity, however, doesn't just mean springing for dinner at a four-star. Your willingness to give your time and lend your ear is what women crave.

Top 5 Practical Skills

53%
1. Listening
Pay attention. A woman feels safe and secure when she knows her man will put down his BlackBerry and listen to her. Magic words: "I'm here. Tell me everything."

48%
2. Romancing
Romance appeals to a woman's right-brained, less-logical side. Every woman fantasizes about being swept off her feet. Romance is bold because you're displaying your desire for a woman and revealing a softer, more vulnerable side that women find irresistible.


35%
3. Being Good in Bed
It's not just the orgasms. A woman knows that a man who takes care of her in bed will take care of her out of bed. (Of course, the orgasms don't hurt.) Your enthusiasm for her body is more important than your sexual prowess.

23%
4. Cooking, Cleaning, etc.
Self-sufficiency means you're not going to expect her to be like your mother. Learn how to make one or two killer breakfasts or dinners, and you'll win her heart.

21%
5. Earning Potential
One in five women surveyed said a man's successfulness in his career contributes to his sexiness. If you've demonstrated talent, goal achievement, and follow-through, you give women confidence that you will be a good provider.

Top 5 Physical Attributes

30%
1. Sense of Style
The way you dress reflects on the woman you're with, and she knows it. The man who knows how to match a patterned shirt and tie will notice when she's dressed well, too. (And maybe he'll pay for the Blahniks.) Keep your tailor and your dry cleaner busy, and spring for posh, touchable fabrics like cashmere, suede, pima cotton, and brushed corduroy.

26%
2. Handsome Face
The science of attraction, which has been studied ad infinitum, says it's all about symmetry. Imagine you have a dotted red line (Nip/Tuck style) vertically through the center of your face, down your nose. Are your features similar in form and arrangement on both sides of the line? Do your eyes and ears match up? The closer one side mirrors the other, the more attractive you are. Women in cross-cultural studies have also ranked men with broad chins, high cheekbones, and large eyes as the most attractive. Best way to improve your looks: Smile more, and make certain your sideburns are even.

15%
3. Height
Tall, dark, and handsome isn't the be-all and end-all. Women say they like feeling smaller than their men, but height doesn't necessarily mean might. They will feel comfortable as long as they aren't towering over you.

13%
4. Muscular Build*
Spend more time with the bathroom mirror and less time with the gym mirror. Nearly three times as many women value a clean-shaven face over the clean and jerk. Muscles help ward off rivals and assure a woman that you won't drop her during a dip, but your overall appearance is more important than the size of your biceps.

12%
5. Fitness
Women recognize a good body as indicative of a man of discipline and self-control. It tells a woman you can keep up with her, in bed and out.
 
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#2 ·
How do I fix the misspelling of twenty in title?
 
#5 ·
My question is along the lines of features vs benefits and is addressed to a woman's perspective and only a woman's hence the thread in the ladies section and not the men's. In short what do these features mean to a woman.

Rockon, for example a higher income may simply mean the ability to sustain a home to raise children in a safe secure environment. What is wrong with that?
 
#7 ·
@JohnA Clearly you need to ask MEN what women want. Go ahead TAM guys.....explain to this other man why these traits matter to us, or why the data is flawed, or why we don't know ourselves what we want, or offer anecdotal nonsense. You already have several answers from men. More will undoubtedly chime in. Which is good because obviously we women need men to tell us what we want.
 
#8 ·
@Faithful Wife. Yes the blind leading the blind, care to lead? So, I buy a 600 house power car. But what does it get me? To the hospital with a hurt friend ?
 
#10 ·
I don't understand the car reference, please explain.

As for leading the blind....

Are you asking us as individual women to comment on the 20 traits listed in your OP? Or are you asking us to speculate why women as a whole would have picked these traits?

If it is the former, I'd be happy to answer and speak for myself. If I do so, I'd be even happier if no person here would then suggest that I don't know myself or my own answers, or that I am lying, delusional, or ignorant about what I actually do prefer.

If it is the latter, the author of the material you have quoted seems to have made their own conclusions about why women would pick these traits. Do you want us to expand further on what they said? Or provide our own hypothesis?
 
#9 ·
Nothing like taking a giant whiz on the third rail of TAM. :banghead: I'll read but think sitting this one out is in my future.

Other threads that addressed, meandered, fell into, jumped the tracks into..this very subject ended pretty poorly. A question I never got around to was, "are we talking about dating / having fun material or is it addressing what one would look for in a long term relationship?" "Do the answers change if never married vs married.?" Same as previous but throw in an age difference , say 25 vs 50. Does this make a persons answers different?

I have been separated for a while now and considering life after marriage. If someone asked me what I was looking for 20+ years ago when I met my wife the answer would be vastly different than today. And the answer might change again after some time.

Is this relevant to the conversation? If time and circumstance can easily shift answers then we are probably wasting tons of time attacking or defending a non definitive poll.

Have fun.

~ Passio
 
#13 ·
Common sense to me. Women want a tall, strong man that makes $$$ so they can feel secure. If I was a woman, I'd want the same thing.
I agree with your post but disagree about "why". I want a tall, strong, good looking, fit man that makes (enough) $$ (to travel with me) so that I can feel ATTRACTION to him. The secure thing....that may or may not be there.
 
#12 ·
My responses are in PURPLE ....
Top 5 Character Traits

84%p
1. Faithfulness Yes of course this is high on the list
More than 8 out of 10 women rated "faithful to me" in the top 10 attributes they find sexy in a man. A woman's tendency toward attachment is a biological imperative, a matter of raising offspring right. Reassure her (often) that you're not going anywhere.

75%
2. Dependability Yes of course also high on the list
Three out of four women say they look for a man who makes commitments and follows through. Being responsible—even if it's just remembering to pick up salad dressing on your way over to her place—sends a positive signal that someday you might commit.

67%
3. Kindness Yes still high on the list
Young women may still fall for the bad-boy type, but more-mature women are turned on by kindness, because kindness inspires confidence. In other words, if you treat the waitress well, your date figures you'll treat her well, too.

66%
4. Moral Integrity This one to me is too varied to comment...my morals are not the same as everyone's so what I would seek is compatible morals...too loose to be defined so I would not put this on my list
Having the guts to tell the truth means to a woman that you have the guts to be a good, caring, decent partner over the long haul. White lies are okay; just avoid any that are tinged with gray.

51%
5. Fatherliness Not really that high on my list though most every guy I've married or dated was a father
Being a good dad (or having the potential to become one) is about being a good role model—and about being patient and caring, qualities women like in a partner. If you're not a father, then tell her about your favorite niece or nephew, or the employee you're mentoring at work.

Top 5 Personality Traits

77%
1. Sense of Humor Yes very high on the list...I have a quirky sense of humor so not everyone who is funny can make me laugh, it is a very individual thing. I'm not sure this tells me it means a man can easily handle difficulties though. I think it just more shows compatibility because we get each other's humor.
Being able to laugh at the stresses of this world is a must, according to the women on our panel. You get bonus points if you can make them laugh. Humor tells a woman that you can laugh at—read, handle easily—the many difficulties that life throws at you.

55%
2. Intelligence Yes very high on the list, but I have no clue what the IQ is of any man I've ever been with, nor do I know my own. Just seems that people of roughly equal IQ get along better.
A worldy, interesting man is a man she likes to show off. Men who are take-charge problem solvers make women feel secure, and men who are always improving are never boring.

46%
3. Passion This would be higher for my list, though the passion doesn't have to be like a rock star...I don't care if they appear passionate to the rest of the world...I just want them passionate in the bedroom.
Why have women always melted for musicians? Because rock stars are passionate in public. Women like displays of passion because they're not accustomed to seeing them from men. Get passionate about something: kayaking, impressionistic art, barbecuing, or Habitat for Humanity. It's proof that you care for and about something beyond yourself.

41%
4. Confidence Yes high on the list but lower than passion.
A man who feels secure in his own skin makes the woman he's with feel secure. By showing you can handle unfamiliar people or situations, you tell the woman in your life that she need not fear, either.

38%
5. Generosity Pretty low on my list, I don't have any expectations that a man give me anything in the monetary sense, so if that's what they mean by generosity, I don't really know. I definitely want the time and attention but don't care about the dollars.
This is more important to women over 35 than it is to those under that age. Generosity, however, doesn't just mean springing for dinner at a four-star. Your willingness to give your time and lend your ear is what women crave.

Top 5 Practical Skills

53%
1. Listening Yes very high on my list.
Pay attention. A woman feels safe and secure when she knows her man will put down his BlackBerry and listen to her. Magic words: "I'm here. Tell me everything."

48%
2. Romancing Also high on my list but very individual and specific. Some men may think XYZ is romantic but I only think ABC is romantic. Compatibility still more important on this one.
Romance appeals to a woman's right-brained, less-logical side. Every woman fantasizes about being swept off her feet. Romance is bold because you're displaying your desire for a woman and revealing a softer, more vulnerable side that women find irresistible.


35%
3. Being Good in Bed Would be at the top of my list.
It's not just the orgasms. A woman knows that a man who takes care of her in bed will take care of her out of bed. (Of course, the orgasms don't hurt.) Your enthusiasm for her body is more important than your sexual prowess.

23%
4. Cooking, Cleaning, etc. Would be at the bottom of my list, but only if assuming some minimum threshold of hygiene and cleanliness was already met.
Self-sufficiency means you're not going to expect her to be like your mother. Learn how to make one or two killer breakfasts or dinners, and you'll win her heart.

21%
5. Earning Potential Important but not very high on the list. I just want someone who can afford to travel with me, basically.
One in five women surveyed said a man's successfulness in his career contributes to his sexiness. If you've demonstrated talent, goal achievement, and follow-through, you give women confidence that you will be a good provider.

Top 5 Physical Attributes

30%
1. Sense of Style Yes very high on my list.
The way you dress reflects on the woman you're with, and she knows it. The man who knows how to match a patterned shirt and tie will notice when she's dressed well, too. (And maybe he'll pay for the Blahniks.) Keep your tailor and your dry cleaner busy, and spring for posh, touchable fabrics like cashmere, suede, pima cotton, and brushed corduroy.

26%
2. Handsome Face Also very high on my list.
The science of attraction, which has been studied ad infinitum, says it's all about symmetry. Imagine you have a dotted red line (Nip/Tuck style) vertically through the center of your face, down your nose. Are your features similar in form and arrangement on both sides of the line? Do your eyes and ears match up? The closer one side mirrors the other, the more attractive you are. Women in cross-cultural studies have also ranked men with broad chins, high cheekbones, and large eyes as the most attractive. Best way to improve your looks: Smile more, and make certain your sideburns are even.

15%
3. Height Yes very high on my list. I don't know why the author tried to white wash this one and down play it. "Will feel comfortable as long as I am not towering over you?" Um no, I just like tall guys, ok? It isn't complicated.
Tall, dark, and handsome isn't the be-all and end-all. Women say they like feeling smaller than their men, but height doesn't necessarily mean might. They will feel comfortable as long as they aren't towering over you.

13%
4. Muscular Build* Very high on my list. Why did the author bring up the clean shaven face below? Weird.
Spend more time with the bathroom mirror and less time with the gym mirror. Nearly three times as many women value a clean-shaven face over the clean and jerk. Muscles help ward off rivals and assure a woman that you won't drop her during a dip, but your overall appearance is more important than the size of your biceps.

12%
5. Fitness Yes very high on my list as I am an athlete and very fit.
Women recognize a good body as indicative of a man of discipline and self-control. It tells a woman you can keep up with her, in bed and out.
 
#14 ·
@Faithful Wife,

Actually I hope for the personal and general viewpoint of woman of how each of these points add value to your life. Your response to my car question actually shows why I ask. To the guy it may represent something that causes woman to take a second look, to increase his dating value. Huh? How the hell does this help that ? Why would he think that??? Exactly !

As to the authors I don't know if they explained the why and don't care. I want to know what you and other woman think. And every individual answer and ranking will spark discussion - that is what I hope for. So, yea file it under clueless looking for a clue or just clueless looking for land mines.

Be well, be whole.
 
#22 ·
I don't get it when you guys do this.

Women having preferences in who they want to marry or date is somehow an insult to some of the men at TAM.

But men having a preference in who they date or marry is absolutely expected and at the top of their list is that she has to be hot and fit.

It is almost as if some men don't want women to have preferences at all. Because that way, what he looks like or acts like doesn't matter at all. He can be a horrible, mean or ugly person, inside and out, but he still should be able to pick a hot and fit woman and get to be with her.

Seems if women have preferences, men cannot tell themselves all they need is money to bag a hot chick.
 
#18 ·
@Herschel really ? Your slip is showing. (are you old enough to appreciate that?). You proved her opening point on what would happen.
 
#21 ·
They have listed a bunch of positive traits. Since there are no associated negatives, I don't see why any woman wouldn't want these.

I don't know how the question was asked, so its not clear what the percentages mean.

The same applies to men: do I want a woman who is beautiful or ugly? Well beautiful of course, but that doesn't mean that beauty is more important to me than other things.
 
#24 · (Edited)
Top 5 Character Traits

84% 1. Faithfulness
Of course this is of major importance. Don’t think it needs an explanation.
75% 2. Dependability
Of course this is of major importance. Don’t think it needs an explanation.
67% 3. Kindness
Of course this is of major importance. Don’t think it needs an explanation.
66% 4. Moral Integrity
This is would be that he has a moral code that I can live with. There might be differences in the way we look at thing morally, but his would have to be close enough to mine to not cause me great conflict.
51% 5. Fatherliness
At this point in my life, I’m not going to have any more children. So I’m not looking for a guy to be a father. However how he interacts with his own children would be very important to me.
Top 5 Personality Traits

77% 1. Sense of Humor
Yep, this is one of the first things that I notice about a man. Life has too many trials to not see it through humor a good part of the time. Now bitter sarcasm is not humor to me.
55% 2. Intelligence
Intelligence is important. I need a man who is roughly my equal or above intelligence wise. I think that most people pair up with those who are roughly the same intellectually.
46% 3. Passion
Passion in love and in the bedroom are essential. But I also would want a man to have some level of passion for other things. This is often what keeps people from becoming couch potatoes. Their passion drives them to do things such as a hobby, sport, volunteer, etc.
41% 4. Confidence
Oh yea. Being with a guy who lacks confidence is like being a mother with a dependent child. I have no interest in that kind of relationship. I’m not talking about “macho confidence” which in my book is a false confidence, a bravado meant to cover up a lack of confidence.
38% 5. Generosity
Years ago I would have said that this was not important. But after years of living with a man who was not generous, I now realize who important it is. To me generous does not mean gifting me things or throwing money around. To me it’s a form of kindness.

I agree with the idea that generous is about a willingness to give your time and lend your ear is what most women crave.

I also think that it’s the idea of us/we vs I/me. I’m not going to go into a long explanation here. Btu in short my ex had no concept of us/we. Instead it as him/his and want was mine was his too.
Top 5 Practical Skills

53% 1. Listening
Yes.
48% 2. Romancing
Yep, this is high on my list. Each person has a different idea of what is romantic. IMHO, part of non-sexual intimacy in marriage is for each person to find out what the other thinks is romantic and what they want.
35% 3. Being Good in Bed
Absolutely! I’m HD. I want a guy who I can have a lot of fun with sexually. Yes!
23% 4. Cooking, Cleaning, etc.
This is about a man taking responsibility for his fair share of the household and child care. It’s not a 50/50 split because that’s impossible. Instead it’s looking the hours each of you work outside the home and what needs to be done. A man who dumps all, or the major portion, of household and child care onto a woman who works outside the home as much as he does is a HUGE turn off. It creates a mother with spoiled teen ager dynamic. HUGE turn off. (Note: I experienced this in marriage and so know how much of a turn off it is.)
21% 5. Earning Potential
A man who is successful in life is the issue to me. Generally, in our society each person has to earn a living of some kind. But some don’t. Success can be in a job, or in volunteering, or being a SAHD and going a knock-out job of it. The idea is that he is fulling engaged in life.

What is not acceptable to me in a mate or a guy to date is someone who instead of doing something productive spends all day on the couch watching TV, or playing computer games, etc.
Top 5 Physical Attributes

30% 1. Sense of Style
He does not need to be a GQ guy. But some basic idea of how to dress is important. My idea guy would be able to dress appropriately for any occasion and feel comfortable doing it.
26% 2. Handsome Face
This goes to attraction. What one woman finds handsome might not be what another woman does. So, yes he has to be handsome TO ME.
15% 3. Height [COLOR="indigo [/QUOTE]
I like taller men. I’m 5’3”. I like men who are 6’ or taller. But I married men who are 6’2”, 5’6” and 5’9”. I don’t feel feminine when I’m with a shorter man. I have no idea why. I just don’t’.
[QUOTE="JohnA, post: 0"]13% 4. Muscular Build*
I like a man who looks healthy. Good muscle tone is important because that means that they are healthy. But I don’t like super muscular, body building men.
12% 5. Fitness
Yep.
 
#32 ·
I like taller men. I’m 5’3”. I like men who are 6’ or taller. But I married men who are 6’2”, 5’6” and 5’9”. I don’t feel feminine when I’m with a shorter man. I have no idea why. I just don’t’.
Whoa, hold the phone for a second, there are men under 5'3" :surprise:
 
#25 ·
Basically it's a good list. But each woman might interpret each item a bit differently based on her experience.

One thing that I think is not on it and should be is "Emotional Intelligence".


For example I have zero interest in a man who cannot discussion his own feelings, marital issues, etc. and then work together to make our relationship better.
 
#27 ·
Hi @EleGirl,

Thank you for responding. Many of the same quality listed as a guy I would list for woman I find attractive. But in each case I wonder why. For many of them would be "white" flags as opposed to red flags. Others are eye candy, not really important at all. On a person front all my serious relationships have been against my "type": eyes of blue, 5 foot blue, hair of gold. None of these elements ever heid my attention.

Not listed was a person of strong faith. What are the particulars? Stance on adultery? As a BS the question of adultery tends to be very real. YES, it does not mean it will never happen, but a red flags does not mean it happened either.

Others such as sense of humor are like comfort food. Life is often a grind, a friend or a spouse with a sense of humor is a blessing. So for I guess I read the list and created the post was from the point of view of what would be the characteristics of a woman I do not nessary want to be intimate before sleeping but who I want to wake up with and share the day with. Jez at 61 what has happened to me?
 
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#30 ·
I think surveys like this interesting but they should not be used as a basis to establish theories for attraction. For me, I found the responses for physical attraction, practical skills, and to some extent personality traits most interesting. With the exception of sense of humor, there was no generally unanimous agreement on any one trait. Female attraction is very complicated.

With regards to the actual survey, I found there was some overlap on some of the questions. For example, Passion and Earning Potential. A man has to live a purpose driven life (passion) in order for me to even consider him. His life goals (wealth, philanthropic, arts, etc...) will determine whether or not I find him attractive.

I also noticed that the further down the list of categories, the more I differed in the order of importance from the reported highest scored traits. I completely re-ordered everything in the physical traits category. #5 was my #1 and their #1 was my #5. Just goes to show that not all women are alike. :)
 
#37 ·
With regards to the actual survey, I found there was some overlap on some of the questions. For example, Passion and Earning Potential. A man has to live a purpose driven life (passion) in order for me to even consider him. His life goals (wealth, philanthropic, arts, etc...) will determine whether or not I find him attractive.

This is certainly different to my x wife. If I had to use the word passion, I would say that she wanted to be my passion. In other words, she would rather me spend the day with her just hanging out at home as opposed to me vigorously pursuing a project. If I had ask her to discuss a purpose driven life with goals, she would probably thought I had cracked up, and I'm not putting that down, but just stating the reality. I live in a rural area, so maybe that has something to do with it. We tend to be a little more laid back and relaxed about things.
 
#38 ·
"I want a man who cares about his appearance and is fit enough to keep up with me. The fact that I want this seems to piss some at TAM off. Why?"

Well, don'tcha know? Men are the visual creatures - not the wimenz. You're treading on their trademarked territory and you're upsetting their apple cart. All this time they thought all they had to do was earn some dough and they could get any girl they wanted. Now, you expect them to look half-way decent, too. You're changing the rulz and they're not taking it lying down.

BTW, your expectations don't piss me off in the least. They are common sense.
 
#42 ·
Exactly. These all seem like obviously good traits. In fact, I look for essentially the same things in any woman I date. Yes, there are some minor differences and some change in priority, but that's about it. These are characteristics of physically and emotionally healthy and competent human beings.
 
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#44 ·
It's a survey designed to make an article in a men's magazine. Basically pseudoscience. I doubt that there was randomization but even if there was, it's just a poll/questionaire. Open questions? Predetermined answers?

Who would believe a poll about penis size or about weight? No one. In polls there are just too many possibilities of errors. Social expectations, missing introspection, difference between concious and subconcious factors etc. How many people say that they want this or that trait but always end up with someone different?

To know what people really want and what priority they give these traits you have to look at what they do. Investigate the relationships they have and had, analyse the traits of their partners etc. For 1000 women you could spend years analyzing this stuff. Rather expensive and impractical and that's why it's not done this way.
 
#48 ·
Most all of those traits make sense. And as others have pointed out are fairly gender neutral.

Only one that gets me is the height

Full disclosure. Im 5'10". But i grew late. At least 3 to 4 inches after high school. So I feel for the short guy. I understand why some can have short man syndrome. A lot of that is due to many assuming that taller is ALWAYS better. I believe there are even studies done about it. All things being equal people assume the taller guy to be smarter, more successful etc. Hell even in sports my beloved Huskers have passed on all-time players like Barry Sanders and Darren Sproles because they were "too short".

I guess I dont get the desire for the magic 6ft number. My wife is maybe 5'6" at most. So 4 to 5 inches taller. So some women that want 9" to 10" taller? Dont get it as a 5'1" woman would seem tiny to me. Now I wouldnt exclude her based on height. Just doesnt cross my mind as much of a requisite I guess.

Weight seems similar for women. Thinner women are assumed prettier, smarter, more whatever.
 
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