Not me. I'd lose the weight and ditch the 200lb gorilla.
That would be me too! The way I see it, if you don't love me enough to accept me for who I am if I were to gain weight, then you sure don't deserve me if I lose it.
Throughout all of the previous iterations of this same topic, one or more women say this very same thing ...
and I find that frightening, because I don't doubt for a moment that it is true.
Would YOU want to be with someone whose love and acceptance of you is only based on a superficial quality? Most women do NOT feel emotionally safe with a man like that. There will always be younger, hotter women in the world. If a man ties is desire and love of his woman to just weight/appearance, a lot of women feel very hurt, threatened, and extremely disappointed in that man. It feels like a lack of loyalty to her. It creates mistrust and resentment. A woman with a husband like that can feel like she'll never be able to win. What if she loses the weight and it's still not enough? What if then it's the wrinkles? What if then the issue is a change in body shape that comes with aging? What if then it's her hair? Where does it end? The husband is now the enemy because he can't love us as we are. And it makes a woman feel like she will never be able to maintain the standard their husband wants. To try to meet that standard of weight and to risk failure to meet the husband's "requirements" is a great risk that promises much pain. Is a man like that worth all the pain and insecurity?
But when you are with a man who loves and desires you with life's ups and downs on the scale, that creates TRUST. That is a good man, a man worth having, a man worth pleasing, a man who inspires you to be the best that you can be....because there is no highly conditional aspect to the relationship.
Maybe it's different for men. Maybe men are socialized to be okay with expecting their woman's love to be based on what they can "give" or "do" for their mate. But women want to be loved and accepted no matter what....for who they are, not only for what they look like.
That would be me too! The way I see it, if you don't love me enough to accept me for who I am if I were to gain weight, then you sure don't deserve me if I lose it.
LOL You said this so much better than I did....and so succinctly!
Do you make comments to her? About what she eats? wears? Etc? Those don't feel good and her way (maybe) to get back at you is to do the opposite.
She definitely knows how I feel about her weight. However, I do not make comments to belittle her and express my concerns in a negative manner (so I think). Needlessly to say there have been moments when I get myself in trouble with a comment or two, but no more than any other husband or guy. I take an active role in watching my words and reactions, when she says, "do I look cute in this" or "how come you don't say I look cute anymore?" Honesty, because I'm no longer attracted to you physically, you have gained weight and are only getting bigger and there seems to be no efforts to loose.
The way I look at it is, why am I not worth the effort? Does she not still want to excite me or feel the passion anymore? It is a wife's duty and responsibility to please (physically and sexually) her man, and as such it is my duty and responsibility to do the same.
It is an effort that both of us need to take, but when both are not fully on board, how long can one accept only the inner beauty. (and please feel free to read deeper into it)
My husband has NEVER said anything about my weight. Ever. Not once.
He's been "into" me at every size So...i don't know...if I was your wife, I'd feel like a piece of crap whose husband doesn't love HER, only the size of her body. Then I'd go get a piece of cake and cry.
So, you are saying she might be gaining weight on purpose to get rid of me, but just taking four years to do it...
If she's smart, yes!
Just kidding....couldn't resist it. You just seem to NOT understand women very much. Harping on your wife's weight makes you SO unattractive and untrusthworthy to your wife. Repeat this, accept this, and then change it.
But women want to be loved and accepted no matter what....for who they are, not only for what they look like.
My thought is the OP's wife feels the same way. She wants to be loved and accepted for who she is, weight, chicken legs and all. She probably knows she isn't being accepted by him, so the lack of sex on her part may come from that.
My thought is the OP's wife feels the same way. She wants to be loved and accepted for who she is, weight, chicken legs and all. She probably knows she isn't being accepted by him, so the lack of sex on her part may come from that.
It's funny too, because when a person feels loved for whatever and however they are, they want to be better and do better for themselves.
Well I feel differently. I AM shallow in that I would not be attracted to my husband if he gained weight and vice versa. My issue is not with him wanting her to lose weight, it is the way he goes about doing it. I think that frankly, a person has to want to lose weight for themselves and no amount of pressure is going to change that for the better......just the worse. Her lack of wanting sex is directely related to how she feels you view her.
At the risk of sounding dismissive. This simply isn't something I care to defend. I have no need to. But ... I'm willing to discuss the topic.
My position is crystal. Always has been.
For me personally, it's a self-respect, and respect for your partner issue.
ALL of the women I have been with have shared this value. Didn't consider any of them, or myself, 'shallow'.
If you don't care enough to take care of yourself as well as have a desire to remain attractive to your partner ... then you're not the girl for me, and I'm not the guy for you.
I feel the same way about smoking. Nobody freaks out about that 'shallow judgement' however. I would never partner with a smoker.
Barring severe medical or emotional issues, if my partner goes from svelte and fit to obese ... I am NOT going to be attracted to her. End of story. Doesn't mean I call her names or kick her to the curb.
But ... if she knows I'm not attracted, were she to gain 20 pounds, and then PURPOSELY decides to put on another 40? I'm out the door. That is patently irrational.
Well I feel differently. I AM shallow in that I would not be attracted to my husband if he gained weight and vice versa. My issue is not with him wanting her to lose weight, it is the way he goes about doing it. I think that frankly, a person has to want to lose weight for themselves and no amount of pressure is going to change that for the better......just the worse.
Although my weight goes up and down 20 pounds and within it. Always has.
I met my husband at my heaviest I'm good to go no matter what my size now.
6Likes
Re: You Weighed 105lbs When I Met You... 
That would be me too! The way I see it, if you don't love me enough to accept me for who I am if I were to gain weight, then you sure don't deserve me if I lose it. 
If she's smart, yes!
