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Old 12-16-2011, 08:45 AM   #211 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Originally Posted by Star View Post
Women disconnect for a reason and judging by your attitute in your posts I would not surprised as to probably her reasons why.
She disconnected before I developed this outlook. Two years ago.

Women have issues. Guys don't do this crap.

Disconnected women destroy marriages.

You try going sexless over two years and see how your attitude changes. Oops make that 40 years since you have 20x less testosterone coursing through your veins.

Last edited by Trying2figureitout; 12-16-2011 at 08:51 AM.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:00 AM   #212 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout View Post
She disconnected before I developed this outlook. Two years ago.

Women have issues. Guys don't do this crap.

Disconnected women destroy marriages.

You try going sexless over two years and see how your attitude changes. Oops make that 40 years since you have 20x less testosterone coursing through your veins.
Oh please don't give me the "You try going sexless over two years and see how your attitude changes" speech, I've been there done that for close to 3 years, So believe it or not I know what it feels like, it makes no difference whether you are a man or a woman on the receiving end of no sex, the principle is the exact same.

The difference is I actually turned things around for the better, you have have yet to do that. I could offer you advice that may help you but you come across so arrogant and self assured I think why bother? I don't think you'd listen to what I'd have to say afterall as you have already kinda insulted me with your comments about being me "a woman and you expect that kind of attitude"

So good luck.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:14 AM   #213 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Oh please don't give me the "You try going sexless over two years and see how your attitude changes" speech, I've been there done that for close to 3 years, So believe it or not I know what it feels like, it makes no difference whether you are a man or a woman on the receiving end of no sex, the principle is the exact same.

The difference is I actually turned things around for the better, you have have yet to do that. I could offer you advice that may help you but you come across so arrogant and self assured I think why bother? I don't think you'd listen to what I'd have to say afterall as you have already kinda insulted me with your comments about being me "a woman and you expect that kind of attitude"

So good luck.
Sorry. I just didn't like the attitude you gave me either. I'm tired being persecuted for trying my best to turn my marriage around. I'm glad yours worked out. Really I am.

I just feel women (wives) have no idea what its like being a man (husband) who wants sex. There is no way possible. Thanks for the good luck. I would appreciate any advice but understand if you felt offended. Anyhow thanks.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:22 AM   #214 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

Thanks all this thread seems to have gotten off the original question I had so I'm done. Good luck to all and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.. I'll be back later on a different thread to update you all after things change for my marriage. Talk to you all sometime in 2012.

T2
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:26 AM   #215 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Absolutely right, he has no responsibility or need to answer anyone. I have followed his saga, and admit to being more then mildly curious as to the outcome.

If he is as decent a person, a great husband, provider, father as he claims to be (though I don't necessarily believe it), I want to see him happy. I however believe the only way to find happiness is to leave his wife and find a sexual woman who will give him all he has yearned for in his posts. His kids are in their teens, and I from what I've read think his wife has treated him deplorably for many many years (before the ILYBNILWY statement). He deserves to be happy IF he has been honest in his threads..... And it is a very big IF in my opinion.

But let me point out Saturday was yet another date he has trumpeted, where nothing happened.....

He f'ing can't even get a kiss, hug or a show of affection from her.....
Wow. You have a god complex or something. Since when are YOU the arbiter of who deserves happiness and who doesn't?

I just wonder what YOUR issues are that you feel the need to revel in someone else's pain as you sit on the sidelines with your "popcorn". Pretty lame, if you ask me.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:30 AM   #216 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout View Post
She disconnected before I developed this outlook. Two years ago.

Women have issues. Guys don't do this crap.

Disconnected women destroy marriages.

You try going sexless over two years and see how your attitude changes. Oops make that 40 years since you have 20x less testosterone coursing through your veins.

Uh, yes. Guys do this crap too. Women and men have issues.

I think most people are saying it's unacceptable. And trying to help you with "how" you could show it is unacceptable.

And some of us believe finding out why it happened is just as important, which brings in the comments on how resentment gets in there in the first place.

Good luck, T2.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:31 AM   #217 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Originally Posted by eagleclaw View Post
Just take your wife man, just do it. Deploy the 3 strike rule. This needs not be this complicated. She either wants to frak you or she doesn't. 3 Attempts will tell you this.
Women want to have sex with their husbands when they are feeling emotionally good about them. This overly-simplistic response is exactly why many men are not getting the sex they want from their wives. It's not about the attempts. Its' about the RELATIONSHIP. If the relationship is truly good, there will be sex. If not, no sex.
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:00 AM   #218 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Women want to have sex with their husbands when they are feeling emotionally good about them. This overly-simplistic response is exactly why many men are not getting the sex they want from their wives. It's not about the attempts. Its' about the RELATIONSHIP. If the relationship is truly good, there will be sex. If not, no sex.
That’s totally and absolutely wrong and what’s led to his situation in the first place. That’s akin to the husband saying I’ll not pay the mortgage or buy any more food unless you give me sex. It’s seriously childish and immature behaviour. Just exactly how is a wife withholding sex because she’s not feeling emotionally ready for it going to make an already bad situation better? That’s like pouring petrol on a fire to put it out. It’s for the wife to be a big girl and get her emotional problems sorted with her husband and be rid of her resentment rather than just playing dead and doing nothing about it. Of course if she’s living with a jerk she should leave him.
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Old 12-16-2011, 10:30 AM   #219 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

You misunderstand me. What I meant is that the mere act of approaching a wife (or husband) for sex 3 times does not solve the problem of WHY the couple is not having sex (usually). Sex is not transactional like banking. It's relational. If the relationship is not good, the sex won't be good by and large.

I think TTFIO's wife has cheated on him and I think he's in denial. I think his wife does not respect him because she has all the power in the relationship and he is not truly willing to assert himself. He is doing the exact opposite of what he should be doing to make his wife want him. He should be doing the 180 and figuring out if he really wants to be with a woman who shows him no love or affection. He's clearly not emotionally there yet, but I hope he will be eventually.

But to liken a sexual relationship to a transactional obligation like banking is way off the mark. BOTH partners play into the sexual dynamic. If my husband is treating me like ****, I'm not going to want to have sex with him.....not because I'm "witholding", but because I don't feel emotionally safe with him, which hinders any sexual desire I would have for him.

So, I'm not putting the blame on men to fix all marital problems to get sex. I'm just saying that a lot of guys who complain about lack of sex are not figuring out that it has to do with the emotional health of the marriage. But the emotional health of the marriage is the responsibility of BOTH partners.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:50 PM   #220 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

Of course sex is transactional (you said so yourself just in a different way) and itís very much like banking. If as your husband Iíd deposited enough in your account youíd give me sex anytime I wanted. Thatís how it worked in my marriage, I havenít a clue about other marriages. Thing is with me to ensure my supply Iíd give you twice as much as you actually need and because of that youíd never hold yourself back.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:05 PM   #221 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

I agree....you don't have a clue.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:09 PM   #222 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

You have your price and you know it. Do your H a favour and tell him what it is. At least that way he can decide if you are worth it or not.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:51 PM   #223 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

Laurae1967, have you read T2FIO's threads that HE DELETED, that I as a male found offensive to all women, where he outlined his demands and expectations in letters, emails, texts?

I have said in a # of posts that if what he has written is true I feel truly very sorry for him, and find his wife a nasty, deplorable despicable woman. However in every thread he then shows another side, where he is a ****sure, egotistical, maniacal narcissist.

I have urged him to get professional help, which i stand by. However another past of me has enjoyed this train wreck (as long as no one is physically hurt)....
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:53 PM   #224 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

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Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout View Post
She is "lucky" because many other guys would have not put up with her sexlessness for this long. So she would be divorced... my wife does not want to be divorced.
I don't think this is correct.

I think that most other guys wouldn't put up with a sexless marriage. She would know that they wouldn't put up with it. She would respect them for standing up for themselves. This would make them more attractive to her and she would want to have sex with them.
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Old 12-16-2011, 05:46 PM   #225 (permalink)
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Default Re: So ladies... Help! Please interpret this text from my wife from a ladies standpo

In your first post, you said you quit drinking. What have you done to deal with the damage your drinking did? I haven't read most of the thread but this really stuck out to me (and if you have addressed it elsewhere, sorry).

Also, please be careful. Having sex with you when she really does not want to will lead to greater unhappiness, all around. What I don't understand is why you would prefer that she "accept" this situation and have sex without wanting to be with you? Why don't you divorce?

I think you might have said that you want to see if having a more sexual relationship will lead her to feel more "in love" with you. If that's the case, then you've answered the question. I'm just not clear on it, I guess.

Do keep in mind, however, that she has not held you hostage for 2 years--you chose to remain in the marriage. When you reach your limit, you will go (assuming things don't change). Good luck, either way.
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