Trying2figureitout

Some of you know my story.

So tonight I got the "truth" out on my wife keep in mind this is now over TWO years from her original disconnect and ILYNILWYA speech. No cheating I'm aware of and yes I've snooped a lot. Last two months she seemed much closer to me but then I guess I pushed her a little too far last night by leaving her a gift bag with items and a "nice" note.

This was after I gave her items to help with libido...after that she seemed short with me so I pressed her on a reason tonight via text an hour later this was her response....

....I need time to fall in love with you again. That is my problem... (not a libido issue take the items back)

Keep in mind her and I had sex last time in July. Only 7 times in two years since ILYNILWY. Lately I had been pressuring her at bit at the two year point to make a decision of which way this was going... she seemed to be moving closer. Until tonight. At least I got clarity evidently its not her libido (Although I do believe she has a low libido... we only averaged 15-20 times per year before married (18 years ) she is now 45)

Keep in mind I've "fixed" all my behaviors already even gave up drinking cold turkey that night. She along time ago said you have done great..its me.

So what is the prognosis... dire? or Just wait her out? I'm getting tired of waiting for her to figure this out, I need sex this is sort of crazy!

Need advice. How should I proceed?
I still love her and we have two teenage boys.

EleGirl

She still does not feel the passion, probably the passion that was there when you dated and married.

Her needs are not being met.

Have the two of you worked out your needs?


How much time a week do you spend together doing date type things?

Darkhorse

I don't know how you do it. I would have left while she "found" whatever she was looking for. She knows she has the upper hand and it doesn't bother her to use it.

I have no answers to help you...I just think 2 years is a long time to hope the spark comes back. Life is short...however, in a situation like this, it can seem so very, very long.

COGypsy

So if I remember right, two years ago she loved you, but wasn't 'in love' with you. And now, two years later, it's not that she doesn't get horny, her libido is just fine, thank you. It's really just that she needs more than these last two years you've spent bending over backwards in order to fall back 'in love' with you again.

What's confusing about that?

Nothing's changed. She still gets everything she's always had and you're spending Friday night with Rosie and her five sisters. What could be wrong with that when it's already worked for years, right?
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Trying2figureitout

Lately we have "dated" quite often she was moving closer in fact she asked me twice to go out with her and some friends.

My needs are quality time and physical touch... hers ???
I'd like to find out if she'd let me. She says what i do is great that's its all her. Like that helps.

Trying2figureitout

Sad but true.

Trying2figureitout

Thanks I'm old school I believe in "For better and for worse" you have nothing if you lose your integrity.

charlene

It seems like time has stopped for her/ having in mind that 2 year period you all are talking about/

marriageconseling

IF there is any problem or misunderstanding between husband and wife in this they need to talk with each other without wasting any time or creating any issue. But in case they can't talk properly with each other so they need to contact any helpful and friendly Marriages Counselor. They can understand Your problems and solve it.

Family Therapy Cary NC

surfergirl

Trying2figureitout.....in the last two years, what steps has your wife taken toward making this situation better?

What is she doing to allow herself to fall in love with you again?

Trying2figureitout

Thanks your view on this makes me feel a little better.
No, I have not asked her "How much time do you need"

Two years ago we has a long hug the night of ILYNILWY and she stated "I just need some time"

I didn't know then she was talking geologic time scales! I was thinking months NOT years or decades. Maybe next time we talk I will ask her. Thanks so much for your take on this it helps.

Trying2figureitout

I agree... some of the stuff she mentioned in the past as an "issue" goes all the way back to our wedding 18 years ago... crazy. Thanks.

Trying2figureitout

I recommended to her IC for her.... then if needed we can do MC. At this point she has some deep seated emotional personal issues to address before MC would be effective IMO. The last thing I need is for her to keep on re-hashing the past to a MC before she gets a grip individually. Thanks.

Trying2figureitout

My wife by most accounts is a great wife and mom... lately she's been nicer to me. She even asked me out twice in the last 30 days to go out with her and her friends once dancing another time to a comedy show. She talks about our future and has never mentioned not wanting to be married to me.

But she never seems to touch me, hasn't allowed kissing, won't write ILY only hearts, and sex is virtually non-existent.

She spends a lot of time at the gym 2hrs / day. No she isn't cheating! I keep a close eye on that aspect.

Thanks.

charlene

I 'm the one to understand someone who can be resentful for things in the past ,but also i know that in order to move on together you should really completely let go and start from scratch.
Recently i read most of what you''ve posted, and i really don't get it. IF everything you said is true i don't see how things hasn't evolved by now. I'm sorry for what happened with you two.
P.S. i agree with the post of wifeofhusband for the interpretation