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post #16 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:47 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I honestly don't think my body has the capacity to be overweight as I can eat whatever I want and have done so my whole life and have remained the same weight.
Obviously you can see why we cannot be friends, then.


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post #17 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I wouldn't call Dug low maintenance, because you have had to do a lot of work to get him to support you emotionally the way you need it sometimes. It does not come naturally to him to give you what you naturally want, so you've had to talk and sometimes fight or beg him for that attention. If he was truly low maintenance, you wouldn't have ever had to do those things, either.
That is an interesting way of looking at it.

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In fact, some women would consider the steps you've had to take to get him to give you the emotional support you need to be way too high of a maintenance job to do to keep a guy would might give up.
Hey, I am liking this response better and better. Dug, watch your maintenance needs, buddy!

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OTOH, there are really so many men who will keep up a constant line of desire for their wife, regardless of her mood or weight (within reason), and we hear from them a lot, too. I don't think it is that uncommon for a man to feel about his wife (and would agree this is a low maintenance man in that sense, one who desires their wife without her having to "do" anything).
That could be. It is the ones who seem much higher maintenance who stand out to me, I guess, as they are so different from Dug.

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I think what we need and want out of relationships that personally fulfills us is very different, person to person, woman to woman, man to man. I personally wouldn't want a man who wanted me "no matter what", because I would feel this is completely impersonal and that it is just a reflection of his natural sex drive and nothing to do with me specifically. I want to be specifically wanted (and I want to want my man specifically).
That is an interesting thought, that it is impersonal.

I don't think it describes Dug, though. I think he loves me, specifically, very much. He just is not picky about it.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #18 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Some men don't care, some men see the bride they married, regardless of weight changes up or down, regardless of age.......i recall looking at my wife when she was pregnant and i she would constantly be telling to back down because i found her so beautiful, and even now in our 50's i find her beautiful, and sexy.
This is sweet, Xenote. This thread is for the ladies, but the post is appreciated, anyway.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
I honestly don't think my body has the capacity to be overweight as I can eat whatever I want and have done so my whole life and have remained the same weight.

.
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post #20 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:03 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I have read this, too, that 100 pounds often gets a different reaction than 20. Though, that is certainly an individual call.
I can understand it. I'm not attracted to fat. I have always been attracted to slim men (think soccer player build). My husband has gained 25 lbs since we got married. I'm still attracted to him but I'd prefer he lose it. I've never mentioned anything to him though. He already would like to lose weight and he's been exercising and eating healthier. If he doesn't manage to lose it, I'd still be okay with it.

If he gained another 25-50 lbs though, I would have a hard time wanting sex with him. And I love him to pieces. I don't think I would ever leave him over it though.

Luckily he's super cooperative when I take the lead on food and exercise. Which I've been doing lately, packing healthy salads for his lunch and waking his butt at 5:30 am to go to the gym with me
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post #21 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I can understand it. I'm not attracted to fat. I have always been attracted to slim men (think soccer player build). My husband has gained 25 lbs since we got married. I'm still attracted to him but I'd prefer he lose it. I've never mentioned anything to him though. He already would like to lose weight and he's been exercising and eating healthier. If he doesn't manage to lose it, I'd still be okay with it.

If he gained another 25-50 lbs though, I would have a hard time wanting sex with him. And I love him to pieces. I don't think I would ever leave him over it though.

Luckily he's super cooperative when I take the lead on food and exercise. Which I've been doing lately, packing healthy salads for his lunch and waking his butt at 5:30 am to go to the gym with me
25 lbs. on a soccer player would probably indeed make a difference. It sounds like he is working on it, though. And you are a great example!

Dug has been around 200 lbs (6'2") the whole time I have known him. He is lower now, around 190, as he has been doing a lot of cycling the last year.

It does not affect my attraction, though. What affects my attraction is how attentive he is.

What surprises me is that I have had a much wider weight range, and am much shorter, and it has never affected him at all. There is really nothing "fair" or "equal" about it. It is just how it is, I guess.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:51 PM
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Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post

It does not affect my attraction, though. What affects my attraction is how attentive he is.


This is exactly how I feel about my H. And not just his attentiveness to me but his attentiveness to himself.
If he's eating well and making the effort to exercise and be healthy my attraction level toward him goes up several notches even if he hasn't lost a pound.

As to your original question, I do think that weight effects my H's attraction level to me but I don't want to find out how much weight because I've gained plenty since our wedding day (then I was thin as a rail) and he hasn't complained or seemed less attracted to me at all. In fact seemingly the opposite at times!
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post #23 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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This is exactly how I feel about my H. And not just his attentiveness to me but his attentiveness to himself.
If he's eating well and making the effort to exercise and be healthy my attraction level toward him goes up several notches even if he hasn't lost a pound.

As to your original question, I do think that weight effects my H's attraction level to me but I don't want to find out how much weight because I've gained plenty since our wedding day (then I was thin as a rail) and he hasn't complained or seemed less attracted to me at all. In fact seemingly the opposite at times!
Lol! Yeah, some guys are more attracted to extra weight.

How do you feel about that, if your husband is in that group?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #24 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 03:56 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I used to think all men wanted stick figure women, wish I knew then what I know now.

I don't think MrH would lose his desire for me if I gained weight, I am very curvy (not fat) and he can't keep his hands off me. It took some time to get my head around as I had convinced myself I was obese after years of rejection from the idiot I married first time. I am an Aussie size 10 - 12 so about a US size 8 - 10. The average size here is 14 so I am not skinny and not fat, just right

Anyway as I said I really don't think he would lose his desire for me if I gained some weight, the bigger issue would be me losing desire I think. I enjoy looking and feeling sexy and being over weight is not conducive to that.

I would not call MrH low maintenance, to me that means not connected, I would call him non judgemental and a man that can appreciate what he has right in front of him. He is happy to be happy
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post #25 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

As I understand it, some male humans have an emotional need for a physically attractive level on their spouse, and for other male humans that need just is not as strong. I am a short, plump little person (envision a Hobbit or female dwarf), and my Dear Hubby LOVES it! I think I've maybe gained 10 lbs. since we met, so he was attracted to me the way I am, and I've roughly stayed the way I am--namely, I was not and have not ever been a "thin" person around him. He acts like what turns him on about me is my mind, my actions, my personality, my sense of humor...ME. And being attracted to my essence translates into being attracted to my physical expression. Thus, I'd say he didn't have as much of a need for "physically attractive"--not that I'm NOT attractive, but more like it's not biggie. I was "okay as is" when he met me, and seem to still be "okay as is."

On the other hand, I know many male humans who have a STRONG need for their spouse to stay physically attractive, and so many ladies take that as SUCH an insult, but I don't understand why. I mean, if he was attracted to you "when you first met" staying physically attractive would be maintaining what you have, not being some media-definition of "perfect." Why is that such a bad thing to desire from your spouse? I think it's reasonable for one spouse to want their spouse to keep putting in the effort to keep their looks good. Okay--we become moms, we age, but there's no reason not to keep our hair done up, our makeup on, or our clothing enticing. From what I can tell, there are female people who have this same need: if they married a "handsome, rugged" type, they hope he stays handsome and rugged even as he ages and goes through life! So see what I mean? Some people just need it and other people don't.


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post #26 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I used to think all men wanted stick figure women, wish I knew then what I know now.

I don't think MrH would lose his desire for me if I gained weight, I am very curvy (not fat) and he can't keep his hands off me. It took some time to get my head around as I had convinced myself I was obese after years of rejection from the idiot I married first time. I am an Aussie size 10 - 12 so about a US size 8 - 10. The average size here is 14 so I am not skinny and not fat, just right

Anyway as I said I really don't think he would lose his desire for me if I gained some weight, the bigger issue would be me losing desire I think. I enjoy looking and feeling sexy and being over weight is not conducive to that.

I would not call MrH low maintenance, to me that means not connected, I would call him non judgemental and a man that can appreciate what he has right in front of him. He is happy to be happy
Maybe low maintenance was the wrong term? I was just trying to describe men who do not need a wife to weigh a specific weight for them to feel attracted.

You have a good guy there, Mrs. Holland.

You know, no matter where I have been weight-wise over the last nearly 24 years, it has never turned me off to sex. I feel loved no matter what. I wonder if that is part of why my sex drive was never affected.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #27 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by Affaircare View Post
As I understand it, some male humans have an emotional need for a physically attractive level on their spouse, and for other male humans that need just is not as strong. I am a short, plump little person (envision a Hobbit or female dwarf), and my Dear Hubby LOVES it! I think I've maybe gained 10 lbs. since we met, so he was attracted to me the way I am, and I've roughly stayed the way I am--namely, I was not and have not ever been a "thin" person around him. He acts like what turns him on about me is my mind, my actions, my personality, my sense of humor...ME. And being attracted to my essence translates into being attracted to my physical expression. Thus, I'd say he didn't have as much of a need for "physically attractive"--not that I'm NOT attractive, but more like it's not biggie. I was "okay as is" when he met me, and seem to still be "okay as is."

On the other hand, I know many male humans who have a STRONG need for their spouse to stay physically attractive, and so many ladies take that as SUCH an insult, but I don't understand why. I mean, if he was attracted to you "when you first met" staying physically attractive would be maintaining what you have, not being some media-definition of "perfect." Why is that such a bad thing to desire from your spouse? I think it's reasonable for one spouse to want their spouse to keep putting in the effort to keep their looks good. Okay--we become moms, we age, but there's no reason not to keep our hair done up, our makeup on, or our clothing enticing. From what I can tell, there are female people who have this same need: if they married a "handsome, rugged" type, they hope he stays handsome and rugged even as he ages and goes through life! So see what I mean? Some people just need it and other people don't.
Don't you think that to him, you *are* physically attractive, Affaircare? It is not like there is just one definition of that, right?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #28 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:29 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I'm one of those husbands, I love my WIFE regardless of her weight/shape. I am equally attracted to her now as I was way back when we were both skinny 23 years ago, actually probably more. Our kids constantly say we are "gross" and "embarrassing" because we hold hands/kiss/grab each other's butts in front of them.

As a matter of a fact just now before I read this thread I randomly text her and told her I am ready to go home and snuggle in bed. Hey, I mean it and it earns brownie points(literally she will fix me brownies if I ask).
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post #29 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I'm one of those husbands, I love my WIFE regardless of her weight/shape. I am equally attracted to her now as I was way back when we were both skinny 23 years ago, actually probably more. Our kids constantly say we are "gross" and "embarrassing" because we hold hands/kiss/grab each other's butts in front of them.

As a matter of a fact just now before I read this thread I randomly text her and told her I am ready to go home and snuggle in bed. Hey, I mean it and it earns brownie points(literally she will fix me brownies if I ask).
Sweet post, happy. It is a thread for ladies, but thank you for sharing that.

Lol, maybe I should start a thread over in Men's on this, so the guys can chime in freely . . .

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #30 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 04:42 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I had convinced myself I was obese after years of rejection from the idiot I married first time.
I had the same problem after being married to my sexless-wonder of an XH for 28 years. My weight has never varied more than +/- 10lbs for my entire adult life. However that man could “smell” 5 extra pounds on me and would comment on it. Add that to the 25 years of sexless-ness and other criticisms and I had been brain-washed into thinking that I must be “gross” … you know, fat with warts and a hunchback that I couldn’t see in the mirror.

For the record, I am currently 5’9”/155lb/US size 10 with boobs and an hourglass figure. I get more male attention than I want or can handle, who knew?
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