Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?
My husband never care about my "overweight" weight or care about my unpretty body full of stretch marks or my very unpretty vagina labia.
I share this in background threads of mine on a mommie-baby site where I'm a frequent poster on (it a community forum for mommies, pregnancy, women who TTC, etc.. where women talk to other women for advice and support). I'm mostly a lurker here, I don't post here much.
Warning: Long and TMI below, please feel free to skip it if you don't like to read TMI stuff or don't like to read posts that long-winded in general.
I'm a 4'11" (4 feet 11 inches) petite short height girl, curvy body and chubby. I'm not tall, not thin at all. I always have been the plumb and rounded body.
My BMI is "overweight". Not obese but definately in the overweight category in the BMI chart.
I have large long labia minora, it hang out, the texture shape the dark color. I always have it--for as long as I remember I already have these large/long hang out dark labia minora.
I asked my OB/GYN and she said it is genetic. When you go go through puberty our labia minora start develop and continue develop until we completed puberty.. some cases it continue to develope even after puberty complete. It just depends on the indvidual body. The labia shapes/thickness, corlors, sizes/lengths of our labia is genetic.
Beside my unpretty labia. I also have stretch marks on the middle to the lower of my stomach, especially the lower belly of my stomach is full of fat and stretch marks. And my outer thighs are full of stretch marks, alot alot all over my thighs.
Whether it genetic like my OB/GYN said or it something in my genes, but this is the body that I always been. The chubby thighs and stomach full of stretch marks, the large/long hang dark labia minora. I wear size 38C bra (U.S size), and my breast sags. This is the body I always have, way way before I met him.
I went from the girl in his neighborhood to friends with him--friends who share everything with each other, to dating/committed relationship. And now to being married (spouses).
I have known him for 5 years. The the first 2 years knowing each others, we were 'just friends' only/platonic friends. It me that specificly said I want to be 'just friends', despite I knpw he was chasing me. I use the 2 years time to slowly 'Observe' him, get to know him really well before I agreed be his girlfriend.
Because of our close distance, especially when your the girl in his neighborhood, seeing each others day in and day out; it not hard to get to know him well. His apartment was 5 minutes within walking distance from my apartment.
I thought the 2 years being 'just friends' with him--that would be enough time for him to give up chasing me.. But as we getting to know each others, seem like the feelings he has for me developed more and more over time. He said he wait for me, he waited.
I was touch by his sincere and persistent. After 2 years of be friends with him, I agreed to be his girlfriend.. And after 1 year into our committed relationship, I agreed we move in live together.
Everytime I asked him; when did he realized he have feelings for me? He gives me the same answer, he said he know he have feelings for me when he find himself keep coming back to the same stairscase sit there wait and wait for me.
Back when we acquaintances/friends; he purposely chose the public staircase that closest to my apartment, quietly sat there and wait for me. He would come back to this same stairscase wait and wait, even in cold weather. This staircase is where he waited for me alot.
Thinking back I sure did give him a hard time. I'm sure it because I'm the girl in his neighborhood/we see each other day in and day out, or else he wouldn't have this much patience.
Perhaps I test his love and patience. But I have no regrets being 'friends' with him in that 2 years, I get to know him really really well. We both learn alot about each others, know everything about each others. We friends who share everything with each others.--I'm sure that 2 years time was the fundamental foundation structure that build our relationship and hold us hold our relationship together.
I know even after I agreed be his GF, I still make him wait 1 year into our committed relationship before I gave him sex. Frankly, it was two reasons that hold me back:
One was my childhood baggage (my mother verbally and emotionally abuse me throughout my whole childhood. And one time when I was 12 she physically abuse beaten me; that resulted in me got taken away to 'Foster home', and the case went to court for she 'Domestic Child Abuse' me).
My mother destroyed me.. I left my mother house more than a decade ago. But I forgave her, forgave her for everything she did to me. After all, she gave birth to me; without her I wouldn't be here in this world. I talk about my mother alot throughout my background threads in the mommie-baby site where I'm a regular on.
It my dysfunctional childhood--I know I'm a very difficult girl to live with.
And two was the above I talk about, about my ugly body and my ugly labia minora. I might have a pretty face, a beautiful sunshine smile. Sure, wear clothes I look cute alright. But naked there nothing pretty about my body.
This is the body when I met him, became acquaintance/friends with him. The body when I was dating him (his GF). The body when I married him (his wife). It alway this unpretty body.
I guess you can say this is my pre-pregnancy body. I never been pregnant before. Heck, I was still a virgin when I slept with him.
When we in our committed relationship; he did initiate sex, but I told him I wasn't ready. He very respectful, He said he will wait for me till I was ready. He waited, he very patience. It was 1 year before I gave him sex.
I know he wanted sex, I just want to be fair to him. I remember I purposely show him those stretch marks all over my body, I wear just bra and underwear for him to see.
He saw all those stretch marks on my stomach, the middle of my belly and especially the lower of belly is full of fat and stretch marks. He saw those tretch marks all over my outer thighs, alot alot.
I also let him know clearly that beside my body is like what he see, my breasts also sags, and there nothing pretty about my vagina. At the time I should have just took off my underwear and be completely naked in front of him, and I was about to do that.
Besides be fair to him, perhaps what I was doing was trying to push him away.. I purposely want him to see all that so he knows this is the body of the girl that he waited 2 years for just so I agreed to be his GF. The body of girl that he wants to sleep with when I make him wait an extra year before I gave him sex. The body of the girl that he wanted we move in live together.
He saw it all. He accepted my body as it is, despite I keep tell him how ugly my body is.
And back when were were friends; he knew all about emotional childhood baggage, he knew about my mother abuse me in my childhood.
He also know I was a virgin. It like he already know way back when we were friends that I was a virgin. I mean how can he not know? I'm the girl in his neighborhood, we see each others day in day out. And I'm sure he can tell from the way I act when I'm around him. And he is a 'Street smart' guy, he not stupid. I'm sure he can see right through me.
He knows everything, and he accepted everything about me.
Despite I tried and tried to get him to understand how ugly my body is..
But he just doesn't care any of that. He said it very clear that he know he have feelings for me when he find himself keep coming back to the same stairscase sit there wait and wait for me.. He explained to me that the 2 years when we were 'just friends', getting to know each others/seeing each others day in day out; he already love me. That 2 years time wait for me agree to be his GF--he already loves me. He said he loves me way before I became his GF.
My unpretty body didn't effect his love for me. He still wanted us to move in live together.. I know when I agreed to move in live together, I know sex will happened.
Yes, sex happened when we moved in living together; he saw exactly how my vagina labia is. And he still love me like day one when he chase me. My ugly vagina labia didn't effect his love for me.
Shortly after living together, he proposed. (When we in our committed relationship he brought up the marriage topic. But it was shortly after we live together, that was when he proposed).. I wasn't pregnant when we married. He was just very keen on tied the knot.
He make it very clear that he wants to married me. He was really pushing marriage.. Welp, I agreed to married him; we got married 2 years ago, (23 months to be exact).
Back when we live together; there times when he hugged me, stare and stare at me and then hug me, and said we go get married, go get married right now, we go register for marriage right now. He said he wants to be by my side, he wants to spend his life with me. He said he loves me very much.
..I did hug him back when he hugged me, and I pretty much just smile. At the time I really didn't know how to answer him--I was pretty much blank, and I was nervous.
(From met, to accquantaince to friends, to his long chase to we date, to now we been married. He always stare and stare at me. We been married, and he still stare at me that exact same way.. He still intense. The loving way he looks at me now is still the exact same way that he looked at me 5 years ago).
Because I'm the girl in his neighborhood, I thought after 5 years seeing me day in day out; he would be sick of me and leave.. But he still here, he still love me like day one. His love hasn't change.
He still is the love-idiot guy that back then quietly sat outside my staircase wait and wait for me.. He still hasn't change, nothing about him change.
I know he said the 2 years when we 'just friends', seeing each others day in day out, he already love me at that time. Perhaps that why he keep waiting for me.. I know he said he loves me way before I became his GF, he loves me way before I agree to married him/become his wife, he loves me way before he sleep with me.
I know he doesn't mind my ugly body. He kiss my large/long labia, it hang out, the shape the dark color the texture; but he still kiss it. I know if he can have his lips and mouth on my ugly vagina labia, it clear that he doesn't mind.
He kiss my breasts, and my breasts sags. He kiss my thighs and my stomach and it full of stretch marks all over. I feel that he doesn't mind because he kiss my lower belly and that is where the fat and the most stretch marks are, and he still kiss it.
No, NEVER once I ask him to kiss me. I ofcourse know how ugly my body is, therefore I never ask him to kiss me anywhere on my body. All his kisses he do it out of his own willing.
Regardless of where he kiss me, it never the quick peck type. It the he slowly put his lips on your body and kiss it type, his kiss it always a full kiss lingering deep kiss. He kiss like he taste you, taste your body type of thing. I really feel that he doesn't mind my ugly body.
But I feel sad for him you know. There times when I feel that he deserve someone else better than 'Me', kwim?
Past or present, he treats me really really well.. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience. He is a very devoted husband. He loves me in every possible way that he can.
He worries and secure everything from emotionally to financially, so I can live a stable steady and comfy life.. Everything I have right now/the comfy life I live right now is all thank you to he gives me.
Heck, he doesn't even want me to work, not even part time. He wants me to stay home, be a SAHW (yes, a stay at home wife, because right now we have no kids yet). And when I'm ready to give him him his baby wish, he wants me to continue stay home be a SAHM.
He really want a baby to complete out little family. He would be THRILLED if I got pregnant while on the pills. Even if it just an Oops baby, he still would be sooo happy.
But I'm not ready yet. And he been waiting patiencely for me to give him a baby.
It has nothing to do with financial--his money, or his income. Or how good sex his 'down there' feels. It all about he treats me really really well. And he accept everything about me including my dysfunction childhood baggage, and accept my ugly body and my ugly vagina. I feel blessed, very blessed to have him as my husband. I have zero regrets this lifetime.
**just for note. Both me and my husband we are Not westerners/Not Europeans/Not Americans. So maybe it just his culture and my culture. :-)
Last edited by jasmine31; 12-20-2016 at 04:17 PM.