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post #76 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:44 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Color me jealous! I'm 5'2 and usually about 98lb. My husband is very picky - if I dip below 95, I'm too bony; if I stray above 105, he starts watching what I eat.


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WTH? He doesn't own you. I would be furious over this.

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post #77 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Oh no not at all. But he is extremely HD so not so sure I would notice.

However I just can't see a fit partner not caring if the other is unfit. Not saying he wouldn't love me and continue to treat me well but I think he would still want me to be fit. It happened before I had kids and he was VERY INVOLVED in "helping" me get back on track.
I just read your post to Dug, and he thinks you might be reading more into it than your husband actually means. Do you think maybe he thought it bothered *you*, and he wanted *you* to be happy, so that is why he tried to help? Whereas to him, you are just perfect however you are?

Dug is a lot more "fit" than I am, and he does not seem to care.

I am not sure men need equality in fitness. It seems like when they love and are attracted to a woman, they just accept her the way she is.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #78 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:32 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Hi @jld !

He says he doesn't. But I don't believe him. I think its impossible for a gym rat/fitness nut to not care about the weight/fitness level of their partner.

He claims he only gets involved because I b*tch and moan about it when I'm overweight. Now on this l-o-n-g journey of weight loss after childbirth.
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Originally Posted by thefam View Post
Oh no not at all. But he is extremely HD so not so sure I would notice.

However I just can't see a fit partner not caring if the other is unfit. Not saying he wouldn't love me and continue to treat me well but I think he would still want me to be fit. It happened before I had kids and he was VERY INVOLVED in "helping" me get back on track.
So how is your refusal to believe your husband affecting your marriage, your self esteem, and your body image?
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post #79 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 05:34 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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So how is your refusal to believe your husband affecting your marriage, your self esteem, and your body image?
It's my issue and I realize that. After the birth of my 3-year old I became obsessed with being healthy and fit. I lost all of my pregnancy weight and more and was down to my pre-marriage weight. Then I had 2 back-to-back pregnancies (middle child just turned 1, baby is almost 2 months). Both pregnancies I gained a lot so I am extremely anxious to get it all off. I have lost 15 lbs and I have about 45 more to go. But I do realize that I have to do it consistently but slowly while maintaining my overall energy level and enough calorie intake for breastfeeding. I don't feel as if I have low self esteem. I just feel obsessed.
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post #80 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 05:41 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I just read your post to Dug, and he thinks you might be reading more into it than your husband actually means. Do you think maybe he thought it bothered *you*, and he wanted *you* to be happy, so that is why he tried to help? Whereas to him, you are just perfect however you are?

Dug is a lot more "fit" than I am, and he does not seem to care.

I am not sure men need equality in fitness. It seems like when they love and are attracted to a woman, they just accept her the way she is.
You're probably right, I'm probably projecting how I feel into how he feels.
I feel obsessed and as I give it some thought, probably a bit of vulnerability.
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post #81 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 05:45 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I have never been heavy, but was a little rounder by almost 20 pounds about six years ago. When I lost the weight, my H suddenly became interested in me again. But it was more because he figured out that I know longer cared if he was interested or not. It's amazing how some men will chase a wife who is disinterested, but take for granted the same wife that begs for some crumbs of attention. He sniffed out that their were other men out there who wanted me, so now he's decided he wants me all to himself. I believe a husband should cherish his wife no matter what her size, as long as she takes reasonable care of herself. Nobody is perfect.
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post #82 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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You're probably right, I'm probably projecting how I feel into how he feels.
I feel obsessed and as I give it some thought, probably a bit of vulnerability.
Where do you think the vulnerability comes from?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #83 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:01 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Where do you think the vulnerability comes from?
Childbirth. Which is strange because I felt a surge of empowerment after my first childbirth.
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post #84 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Childbirth. Which is strange because I felt a surge of empowerment after my first childbirth.
Hmm, interesting. Not following how your body image is related to this, though?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #85 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 08:15 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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As I understand it, some male humans have an emotional need for a physically attractive level on their spouse, and for other male humans that need just is not as strong. I am a short, plump little person (envision a Hobbit or female dwarf), and my Dear Hubby LOVES it! I think I've maybe gained 10 lbs. since we met, so he was attracted to me the way I am, and I've roughly stayed the way I am--namely, I was not and have not ever been a "thin" person around him. He acts like what turns him on about me is my mind, my actions, my personality, my sense of humor...ME. And being attracted to my essence translates into being attracted to my physical expression. Thus, I'd say he didn't have as much of a need for "physically attractive"--not that I'm NOT attractive, but more like it's not biggie. I was "okay as is" when he met me, and seem to still be "okay as is."

On the other hand, I know many male humans who have a STRONG need for their spouse to stay physically attractive, and so many ladies take that as SUCH an insult, but I don't understand why. I mean, if he was attracted to you "when you first met" staying physically attractive would be maintaining what you have, not being some media-definition of "perfect." Why is that such a bad thing to desire from your spouse? I think it's reasonable for one spouse to want their spouse to keep putting in the effort to keep their looks good. Okay--we become moms, we age, but there's no reason not to keep our hair done up, our makeup on, or our clothing enticing. From what I can tell, there are female people who have this same need: if they married a "handsome, rugged" type, they hope he stays handsome and rugged even as he ages and goes through life! So see what I mean? Some people just need it and other people don't.
this is a beautiful post...to the testament to so many couples...and really... as sensitive as it may seem, with all the model bodies everywhere we look, bombarded with billboards / bra commercials, etc...that it only matters to whom we are with.. no one else.

And here you show the understanding to the other side of the coin (one I like to say Harley devoted a chapter on in "His Needs/ Her Needs")- some have no need, a little need and some have it nearing the top...we're just not all wired the same..

My husband is one who cares but would never say anything to hurt me... Threads here bring up many discussions (we had this one years ago)....so I've asked : What if I gained too much... he admitted he'd always LOVE me...but the DESIRE would take a dive...

I can't say it bothers me...as I am particular too! he knows if he starts to gain.. I will starve him & feed him cardboard.. so it's all good.

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post #86 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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(middle child just turned 1, baby is almost 2 months)
I just realized you have Irish twins like we do. You need to take it a bit easy on yourself. My wife took 6 years before she was willing to have a 4th. Having two pregnancies that close together really takes it out of you.
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post #87 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

My wife is a bit overweight (she lost 50 lbs about five years ago, but gained it back) and I'd like to see her lose it - that said, I'll take that over our neighbor who's in her early 30's and has the body of a middle school girl (and she has a couple of kids).

I love some curves over a woman who I can't see when she's standing sideways.
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post #88 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:01 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I just realized you have Irish twins like we do. You need to take it a bit easy on yourself. My wife took 6 years before she was willing to have a 4th. Having two pregnancies that close together really takes it out of you.
Just wondering if I'm the only spouse who has a very fit partner and that causes you to in turn be obsessed with ,,, i won't say matching their fitness level but at least not being overweight and/or out of shape. I'm talking about cases where your spouse has not said or implied he has a problem but just them being fit causes you to be obsessed with it? I swear I am handling 3 kids and Irish twins and all that entails much better than Im handling slowly and patiently taking the weight off.

I have a friend who had a 1 and 2 year old back to back and she keeps telling me to give myself18 months. I should listen to her because she completely got her killer figure back by taking it slow. Maybe im just shallow and don't want to admit it.
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post #89 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:58 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I'm self conscious about my weight. Since I am so sickly I was a twig most my life. Now I am 155 pounds and 5' 7". :/ Size US 9.

I wouldn't consider myself fat, but I hate my stomach pooch. My husband says I look fine, but I know he would be upset if I gained anymore. He is super healthy, doesn't drink soda, eats salad everyday, works out everyday, etc. I have a desk job, and love junk food. I've recently started going to the gym, and would love to get down to 135.

So my husband doesn't speak ill of my weight, but there is some implied pressure there since he is so fit and healthy, and I am a flab. I think my weight makes me more unhappy than it makes him though. I am happy to have some curve now, but I also feel so squishy compared to when I was a size 3.

My LONG story:
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post #90 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I have read several times here on TAM about husbands who lose attraction for their wives when the wife is over a certain weight. They may not even be able to get erect.

My weight has been up and down over a forty-five or so pound range since I met my husband. Yet his attraction is constant.

For that matter, my mood never affects his attraction, either. His desire is consistent, regardless of what I say or do.

From what I read here, it looks like a lot of work to try to keep some men happy. Dug keeps himself happy. Good thing, because I would probably give up if it were too hard to please him.

Anybody else out there with a low maintenance husband? Do you like it that way, or would you prefer a challenge?
I know I am probably going to regret opening this door, but here goes....

I agree that a little weight fluctuation not affecting ones attraction is a good thing. We are humans and we age. We aren't machines.

But your mood never affects his attraction? REGARDLESS of what you say or do?? How is that good? How does that not make you little more than a sex doll that he uses to get off? Regardless of what you say or do? STILL has the same desire and attraction? If it works you for and Dug I guess......

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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