As I understand it, some male humans have an emotional need for a physically attractive level on their spouse, and for other male humans that need just is not as strong. I am a short, plump little person (envision a Hobbit or female dwarf), and my Dear Hubby LOVES it! I think I've maybe gained 10 lbs. since we met, so he was attracted to me the way I am, and I've roughly stayed the way I am--namely, I was not and have not ever been a "thin" person around him. He acts like what turns him on about me is my mind, my actions, my personality, my sense of humor...ME. And being attracted to my essence translates into being attracted to my physical expression. Thus, I'd say he didn't have as much of a need for "physically attractive"--not that I'm NOT attractive, but more like it's not biggie. I was "okay as is" when he met me, and seem to still be "okay as is."
On the other hand, I know many male humans who have a STRONG need for their spouse to stay physically attractive, and so many ladies take that as SUCH an insult, but I don't understand why. I mean, if he was attracted to you "when you first met" staying physically attractive would be maintaining what you have, not being some media-definition of "perfect." Why is that such a bad thing to desire from your spouse? I think it's reasonable for one spouse to want their spouse to keep putting in the effort to keep their looks good. Okay--we become moms, we age, but there's no reason not to keep our hair done up, our makeup on, or our clothing enticing. From what I can tell, there are female people who have this same need: if they married a "handsome, rugged" type, they hope he stays handsome and rugged even as he ages and goes through life! So see what I mean? Some people just need it and other people don't.
this is a beautiful post...to the testament to so many couples...and really... as sensitive as it may seem, with all the model bodies everywhere we look, bombarded with billboards / bra commercials, etc...that it only matters to whom we are with.. no one else.
And here you show the understanding to the other side of the coin (one I like to say Harley devoted a chapter on in "His Needs/ Her Needs")- some have no need, a little need and some have it nearing the top...we're just not all wired the same..
My husband is one who cares but would never say anything to hurt me... Threads here bring up many discussions (we had this one years ago)....so I've asked : What if I gained too much... he admitted he'd always LOVE me...but the DESIRE would take a dive...
I can't say it bothers me...as I am particular too! he knows if he starts to gain.. I will starve him & feed him cardboard.. so it's all good.