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post #91 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I'm self conscious about my weight. Since I am so sickly I was a twig most my life. Now I am 155 pounds and 5' 7". :/ Size US 9.

I wouldn't consider myself fat, but I hate my stomach pooch. My husband says I look fine, but I know he would be upset if I gained anymore. He is super healthy, doesn't drink soda, eats salad everyday, works out everyday, etc. I have a desk job, and love junk food. I've recently started going to the gym, and would love to get down to 135.

So my husband doesn't speak ill of my weight, but there is some implied pressure there since he is so fit and healthy, and I am a flab. I think my weight makes me more unhappy than it makes him though. I am happy to have some curve now, but I also feel so squishy compared to when I was a size 3.
I think that's often true even if the fit person is totally fine with their partners size.

Just being in the presence of a fitter person can make one feel judged even when no judging exists.

Case in point: I'm a runner......usually 30-45 miles per week and am pretty competitive. I run sometimes on my lunch hour and as my company is small and lot of people see me running.

I can't tell you how often I've gotten in the elevator with someone and they'll look at me and say:

"I should run".

"I wish I could run".

"My knees hurt".

"I should go on a diet".

I swear I haven't said a word and am not thinking anything about them.....just knowing I run makes them feel judged.

I think it activates peoples' insecurities.

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post #92 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

All husbands care. End of story.
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post #93 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 02:26 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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All husbands care. End of story.
Blind one's might not.

Just say'en.

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post #94 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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All husbands care. End of story.
Not true, some do and some don't - within reason.

Like JLD my wife has varied 40 or 45 pounds over 20 years and it makes little difference to me. I can't say it makes zero difference, but not much. Attitude on the other hand...
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post #95 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by TheCuriousWife View Post
I'm self conscious about my weight. Since I am so sickly I was a twig most my life. Now I am 155 pounds and 5' 7". :/ Size US 9.

I wouldn't consider myself fat, but I hate my stomach pooch. My husband says I look fine, but I know he would be upset if I gained anymore. He is super healthy, doesn't drink soda, eats salad everyday, works out everyday, etc. I have a desk job, and love junk food. I've recently started going to the gym, and would love to get down to 135.

So my husband doesn't speak ill of my weight, but there is some implied pressure there since he is so fit and healthy, and I am a flab. I think my weight makes me more unhappy than it makes him though. I am happy to have some curve now, but I also feel so squishy compared to when I was a size 3.



A cute, curvy owl

With how sick you get sometimes, Curious, it might not be a bad idea to have an extra 10 pounds to keep you built up a little bit. Not saying it's okay to be fat; just that with your medical history, I wouldn't be trying to starve or hyperexercise.
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post #96 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 06:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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I know I am probably going to regret opening this door, but here goes....

I agree that a little weight fluctuation not affecting ones attraction is a good thing. We are humans and we age. We aren't machines.

But your mood never affects his attraction? REGARDLESS of what you say or do?? How is that good? How does that not make you little more than a sex doll that he uses to get off? Regardless of what you say or do? STILL has the same desire and attraction? If it works you for and Dug I guess......
I read this to Dug. He said, "I love you. Why would your mood or your weight affect my attraction to you?"

Some men are just not bothered by these things, MoE.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #97 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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A cute, curvy owl

With how sick you get sometimes, Curious, it might not be a bad idea to have an extra 10 pounds to keep you built up a little bit. Not saying it's okay to be fat; just that with your medical history, I wouldn't be trying to starve or hyperexercise.
lol. When I get sick I stop eating and loose about 10 pounds. But when I feel better again I eat like a cow and gain it all back.

My lowest weight was 105 pounds after 10 days in the hospital. But that was back before we were married and when I normally only weighed about 125. So you can see how going from 105 to 155 makes me feel like a chunky money.

My LONG story: LD Husband Journal

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post #98 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:21 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Blind one's might not.

Just say'en.

I stand corrected
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post #99 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 11:37 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

Not my husband. Or not quite as much as many other men. I think he cares more about his own physical ppearance than mine. He used to do bodybuilding contests and more recently strong man contests (unfortunately due to an injury that is now over) and so he is very aware of how he can manipulate his diet and exercise to obtain the results he wants to see in himself.
With that said, he and I have discussed this issue at length (mainly because I have brought it up, much to his annoyance) and he does admit that he would not find me physically attractive were I to reach 200lbs. or more. But the main reason is because he knows that there is no way I'd be a happy person should that happen. What he wants the most is for me to be happy and confident in my own skin. He knows that if feel ashamed of my appearance, I won't feel sexy and thus our sex life would suffer greatly. That is his primary concern in regards to my weight.
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post #100 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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he does admit that he would not find me physically attractive were I to reach 200lbs. or more. But the main reason is because he knows that there is no way I'd be a happy person should that happen.
That's not it.


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post #101 of 101 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 02:46 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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That's not it.
So you know my husband better than I do? Fine. I do know that men in general care more about the physical appearance of their spouses. Gaining weight for the most part is something one can control (not easy but barring most genetic/health issues, manageable). If my husband cares so much about my weight, I shudder to think how much he cares about what will inevitably happen to my body as I age. That I cannot control (and I seriously wouldn't ever consider plastic surgery, ever). I will be all wrinkly, my boobs will probably sag, etc etc. Yikes. Will he have to replace me for someone much younger then?
I know we are only talking about weight here but weight is part of one's physical appearance.
In any event. I am glad I don't care about physical appearance whatsoever and I know I will continue to find him ridiculously sexy as he gets older. But that's just me. Perhaps that is one big fear I have that he will not feel the same way about me when I am 60 or beyond.
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