Does your husband *not* care about your weight? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
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Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I have read several times here on TAM about husbands who lose attraction for their wives when the wife is over a certain weight. They may not even be able to get erect.

My weight has been up and down over a forty-five or so pound range since I met my husband. Yet his attraction is constant.

For that matter, my mood never affects his attraction, either. His desire is consistent, regardless of what I say or do.

From what I read here, it looks like a lot of work to try to keep some men happy. Dug keeps himself happy. Good thing, because I would probably give up if it were too hard to please him.

Anybody else out there with a low maintenance husband? Do you like it that way, or would you prefer a challenge?


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 08:38 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

My husband *says* he doesn't care about my weight but I know that he does. I've been heavier and lighter than I am now, and I noticed a drop in his sexual attractiveness to me when I was heavier.

He knows that I'm never going to look the way I did 20+years ago but I think it helps that I try....I work out and try to watch what I eat. Having said that, if he were to come to me today and tell me that he's lost attraction to me due to my weight, I'd set him free. I'm doing the best that I can at this point in my life. If he needs more, he's going to have to find it with someone else.

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post #3 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 08:38 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

Mine doesn't care (or so he says) but he encourages me to lose weight for health reasons. I think being a little over weight shouldn't affect attraction either way. But when someone goes from being slim to morbidly obese within marriage I can understand how attraction can be lost.

I think confidence and making the most of ourselves is sexy. Obesity tells me that someone has just given up.
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post #4 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 09:06 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I know mine cares. He only ever dated certain "types". He knows what he likes...
My XH was very low maintenance in this regard.

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post #5 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 09:15 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I've weighed 110 my whole adult life. I'm 5' tall so that's a good weight and allows me lots of curves - I'm not 'stick thin.'

I honestly don't think my body has the capacity to be overweight as I can eat whatever I want and have done so my whole life and have remained the same weight.

My husband has made remarks about worrying that I'll 'gain weight' if I'm eating lots of stuff and I laugh at him because my weight doesn't change no matter what I eat and hasn't for years.

I honestly think if I somehow did get overweight, he'd try to be diplomatic about it but he wouldn't be overly attracted to me. He'd probably have to drink me pretty.

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post #6 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 09:44 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

I've always been about the same weight. I'm petite and slim. But I suspect my husband wouldn't mind if I put on some weight. Before me he had been with women 20-30 pounds heavier. I think he'd only have an issue if I gained a huge amount.
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post #7 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 09:54 AM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

Some men don't care, some men see the bride they married, regardless of weight changes up or down, regardless of age.......i recall looking at my wife when she was pregnant and i she would constantly be telling to back down because i found her so beautiful, and even now in our 50's i find her beautiful, and sexy.
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post #8 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:13 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

If a guy wanting his wife or girlfriend to be attractive, and being turned off by a 45 pound weight gain makes him "high maintenance" then you can officially add me to the list.

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
From what I read here, it looks like a lot of work to try to keep some men happy. Dug keeps himself happy. Good thing, because I would probably give up if it were too hard to please him.
If Dug was turned off by your weight, wouldn't that be somewhat of a motivator to exercise and watch your diet? Seems like there would be numerous advantages- you'd be in a happy relationship, you'd have regular sex, you'd be thin and healthy.. versus being fat, unhealthy, and alone. Consider that if you had to start over again, many if not most guys would not be attracted to a woman who is 45 lbs overweight.

Last edited by browser; 12-14-2016 at 01:28 PM.
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post #9 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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If a guy wanting his wife or girlfriend to be attractive, and being turned off by a 45 pound weight gain makes him "high maintenance" then you can officially add me to the list.
I have no doubt you are on the list, browser.

Quote:
If Dug was turned off by your weight, wouldn't that be somewhat of a motivator to exercise and watch your diet? Seems like there would be numerous advantages- you'd be in a happy relationship, you'd have regular sex, you'd be thin and healthy.. versus being fat, unhealthy, and alone.
I don't think so. I think the desire to lose weight has to come from within.

Just as a reminder, this thread is a question to the ladies.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #10 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
My husband *says* he doesn't care about my weight but I know that he does. I've been heavier and lighter than I am now, and I noticed a drop in his sexual attractiveness to me when I was heavier.

He knows that I'm never going to look the way I did 20+years ago but I think it helps that I try....I work out and try to watch what I eat. Having said that, if he were to come to me today and tell me that he's lost attraction to me due to my weight, I'd set him free. I'm doing the best that I can at this point in my life. If he needs more, he's going to have to find it with someone else.

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That must be disillusioning, to hear his words, but not see his actions match them.

I think just letting him go, if it were to come to that, would be the wisest course of action. It respects each person.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #11 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
Mine doesn't care (or so he says) but he encourages me to lose weight for health reasons. I think being a little over weight shouldn't affect attraction either way. But when someone goes from being slim to morbidly obese within marriage I can understand how attraction can be lost.

I think confidence and making the most of ourselves is sexy. Obesity tells me that someone has just given up.
I don't think we can dictate attraction. If it is not there, it is not there.

It is probably easier if the attraction is based on the person's essence, though.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #12 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
I know mine cares. He only ever dated certain "types". He knows what he likes...
My XH was very low maintenance in this regard.
Do you prefer your new husband's being higher maintenance?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #13 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
I've weighed 110 my whole adult life. I'm 5' tall so that's a good weight and allows me lots of curves - I'm not 'stick thin.'

I honestly don't think my body has the capacity to be overweight as I can eat whatever I want and have done so my whole life and have remained the same weight.

My husband has made remarks about worrying that I'll 'gain weight' if I'm eating lots of stuff and I laugh at him because my weight doesn't change no matter what I eat and hasn't for years.

I honestly think if I somehow did get overweight, he'd try to be diplomatic about it but he wouldn't be overly attracted to me. He'd probably have to drink me pretty.

.
Would it bother you if he were not attracted to you? Or that he would have to be drunk to feel attracted?

I think it is great when a person is consistently the same weight. Makes life much easier!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:44 PM
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I have read several times here on TAM about husbands who lose attraction for their wives when the wife is over a certain weight. They may not even be able to get erect.

My weight has been up and down over a forty-five or so pound range since I met my husband. Yet his attraction is constant.

For that matter, my mood never affects his attraction, either. His desire is consistent, regardless of what I say or do.

From what I read here, it looks like a lot of work to try to keep some men happy. Dug keeps himself happy. Good thing, because I would probably give up if it were too hard to please him.

Anybody else out there with a low maintenance husband? Do you like it that way, or would you prefer a challenge?
I wouldn't call Dug low maintenance, because you have had to do a lot of work to get him to support you emotionally the way you need it sometimes. It does not come naturally to him to give you what you naturally want, so you've had to talk and sometimes fight or beg him for that attention. If he was truly low maintenance, you wouldn't have ever had to do those things, either.

In fact, some women would consider the steps you've had to take to get him to give you the emotional support you need to be way too high of a maintenance job to do to keep a guy would might give up.

OTOH, there are really so many men who will keep up a constant line of desire for their wife, regardless of her mood or weight (within reason), and we hear from them a lot, too. I don't think it is that uncommon for a man to feel about his wife (and would agree this is a low maintenance man in that sense, one who desires their wife without her having to "do" anything).

I think what we need and want out of relationships that personally fulfills us is very different, person to person, woman to woman, man to man. I personally wouldn't want a man who wanted me "no matter what", because I would feel this is completely impersonal and that it is just a reflection of his natural sex drive and nothing to do with me specifically. I want to be specifically wanted (and I want to want my man specifically).

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #15 of 101 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does your husband *not* care about your weight?

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Originally Posted by Celes View Post
I've always been about the same weight. I'm petite and slim. But I suspect my husband wouldn't mind if I put on some weight. Before me he had been with women 20-30 pounds heavier. I think he'd only have an issue if I gained a huge amount.
I have read this, too, that 100 pounds often gets a different reaction than 20. Though, that is certainly an individual call.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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