Re: friendship question
Totally avoiding being passive aggressive can be very difficult at times.
At work a couple of times people i had formerly liked and respected made underhandely racist comments and because I didn't have the words to challenge them at the time, or the courage to challenge them down the line, I let the comments go. I'm not proud of this.
However, from that point on I was never friendly with them again - businesslike but NOT friendly. They noticed my being distant and eventually asked what was wrong. I never explained (of course they had forgotten their throwaway racism by that time). I just didn't want to engage and I no longer wanted their friendship. Since I wasn't their friend I never again had to hear them making such comments for the duration of the time I worked at that employment. i don't like passive agression in people but at times I am that way if I'm honest.