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post #31 of 33 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: friendship question

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Originally Posted by katies View Post
I'm not being PA, I'm simply not engaging at all.
I'm just saying if you, you know, talk to them about it, they may understand and apologize and maybe watch what they say next time. Or they may tell you to F off, but I believe when you are friends with someone that gives you the right to say, hey I don't like what you did to me. Then you can assess at that point.

Plus it is a better way to live, then you don't feel so outraged because you don't feel powerless to address things that bother you. Fear of confrontation is not a good way to live life, it just leaves you pissed off all the time. No one says you need to mean about it. Just call them out.

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post #32 of 33 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: friendship question

Totally avoiding being passive aggressive can be very difficult at times.

At work a couple of times people i had formerly liked and respected made underhandely racist comments and because I didn't have the words to challenge them at the time, or the courage to challenge them down the line, I let the comments go. I'm not proud of this.

However, from that point on I was never friendly with them again - businesslike but NOT friendly. They noticed my being distant and eventually asked what was wrong. I never explained (of course they had forgotten their throwaway racism by that time). I just didn't want to engage and I no longer wanted their friendship. Since I wasn't their friend I never again had to hear them making such comments for the duration of the time I worked at that employment. i don't like passive agression in people but at times I am that way if I'm honest.
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post #33 of 33 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: friendship question

They just sound like negative people who are gossips. Putting others down makes them feel better about themselves. To talk about your sister is just terrible, but then to turn around and tell you your daughter looks heavy in a picture brings it to another level. Certainly not people I would want to associate with. Middle aged "Mean Girls".
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