Being accuses of being jealous! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
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Being accuses of being jealous!

I have to get something off my chest from years ago.

I used to know a female friend who would accuse me of being jealous over two men who were better looking then me. I didn't think I was jealous! How do you even respond to someone who thinks you're jealous over someone? You can't?!

If I could go back in time I would say to her: "If you're going to accuse me of being jealous over every man who is better than me, you're going to be very, very busy! And even if I was jealous, it would not matter. Do you know why? Because like them, I'm way beyond your league!

And it was true! She was homely!

I feel better now.

Seriously, how can you respond to someone who thinks you're jealous? You can't.

She might of well said "nah nah nah nahhh he's better looking than you!"

Who cares?

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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:29 PM
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Being accuses of being jealous!

Who cares?

Evidently you do since you are replaying an event from years ago.

This is the kind of stuff you discuss with a therapist.

Mr Strongman
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:30 PM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

Response to her: "It's just adorable that you think I would be interested in you! Just like the cutest little engine that could"


Or

"You mean the twins from the Island of Misfit Toys?".

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedDude View Post
Response to her: "It's just adorable that you think I would be interested in you! Just like the cutest little engine that could"


Or

"You mean the twins from the Island of Misfit Toys?".
Good response! But I like mine better! LOL
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 08:56 PM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

All the answers are snarky. How about why do you think I don't have reason to be concern and how do you advise me to react if I turn away from a big red flag and it turns out in was wrong tondo so?

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 05:19 AM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

Why is something like this from years ago still bothering you?
She's an ex right? So who cares.
Move on.



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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 05:55 AM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

Bothers you from years ago yet you need to "get it off your chest" ?

Nah, you really, really cared what she said..in fact you took it heart and let it marinate.
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 06:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

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Originally Posted by BobSimmons View Post
Bothers you from years ago yet you need to "get it off your chest" ?

Nah, you really, really cared what she said..in fact you took it heart and let it marinate.
I was annoyed... But I wasn't jealous. That's my point. How do you defend yourself against being jealous when the person has the audacity to accuse you of it in the first place.
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 06:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

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Originally Posted by citygirl4344 View Post
Why is something like this from years ago still bothering you?
She's an ex right? So who cares.
Move on.



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She was not an ex. Yuk! I would never date her. She was a close friend.
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 10:09 AM
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Being accuses of being jealous!

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Originally Posted by Mr.StrongMan View Post
I was annoyed... But I wasn't jealous. That's my point. How do you defend yourself against being jealous when the person has the audacity to accuse you of it in the first place.


Maybe she was right. Others can pick up things that we ourselves refuse to acknowledge.

A female friend probably told you what she saw.

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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 11:05 PM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

I find it hilarious when someone you don't like immediately jumps to the conclusion that you're jealous of them/their life.

I'm like, "No...I really do just think you're a b!tch/b@st@rd believe it or not, lol.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 11:30 PM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

It's way bizarre (to me) that you cared enough to commit this to memory for years, and feel the need to discuss it online with strangers, all this time later.

Either it had a loud ring of truth to you, you are super bored, lonesome and grabbing at straws for something to start a new thread about, or there is more to this story.

If an ugly man stated some random thing about me that wasn't true, an eye roll (even if only in my mind) would have been the only effort put forth by me, and would have been forgotten about 60 seconds later.

Ciao,

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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 11:45 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
It's way bizarre (to me) that you cared enough to commit this to memory for years, and feel the need to discuss it online with strangers, all this time later.

Either it had a loud ring of truth to you, you are super bored, lonesome and grabbing at straws for something to start a new thread about, or there is more to this story.

If an ugly man stated some random thing about me that wasn't true, an eye roll (even if only in my mind) would have been the only effort put forth by me, and would have been forgotten about 60 seconds later.
I'm this way with everything. And it's not easy.
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 12:40 AM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

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Originally Posted by Mr.StrongMan View Post
I'm this way with everything. And it's not easy.
I don't imagine it would be....

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 03:24 AM
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Re: Being accuses of being jealous!

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Originally Posted by Mr.StrongMan View Post
..How do you defend yourself ... when the person has the audacity to accuse you ..
[my emphasis]

It wasn't an accusation. It was a statement of what she believed you felt.

You don't have to defend yourself. You weren't being attacked.

If what is being said to or about you doesn't suggest you're immoral or engaged in illegaility, why does it bother you? Someone else's (i.e your 'accuser's') financial position is none of your business. Ditto her religious beliefs and her sex life. And ditto what she thinks about you - it's none of your business. Isn't there a Zen Buddhist saying along the lines 'if you decline to accept a gift, who is left holding it?'. Same for a burden as for a gift.

She obviously pressed a button of yours. Only you can get to the bottom of it. I sometimes find that a short period of 100% concentrated fretting about a 'pressed button', then turning right away to other things, sometimes leads to something bubbling up an hour or half a day later when you least expect it .. some memory, some insight. You have to be ready and willing to seize the bubble though, the ego is only too willing to dismiss the bubbles as 'irrelevant' or 'nonsense'.
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