Re: Relationship question. If you have 10 minutes to spare since it so LONGG, please
Wow, I feel like I read so much with your post from love story to the sadness of the relationship of your mom towards you. I did not have a positive relationship with my father and sometimes, here and there, he always comes back in my life to say or do something nice. But my father knows what he did and accepts the way the relationship is.
I am really saddened that your mother does not accept your future children. I come from a mixed household. My mother is African (liberian) German born and raised in Germany and my father is from Philippines (Filipino, Spanish, Chinese (Cantonese) and Armenian). My husband is Chinese Vietnamese but came to the US at toddler age and because of the environment he grew up in...it's not quite Chinese/Vietnamese culture he carries. He really has acculturated to American culture; unlike myself. My parents still instilled in me our culture and values from both countries of Germany and Philippines (the countries where my parents were from).
I completely understand the stress of losing face. Before, I was married to high school sweet heart. We were together 9 years, he was Chinese American but did not hold his culture...some values, yes like honoring grandparents and parents. My mom liked him, but my dad opposed him as a person, not because of his culture. My father wanted to do an arrange marriage, but I opposed that. Luckily, now I am with a new husband who was also my friend/strictly platonic neighbor for 3 years before anything happened or blossomed. And yes, he's easily jealous, emotional type, but lately he has gotten better and supportive.
We are about the same age. Next month I will be 31 years and his original birthday will be on Lunar New Year this week, 40 years old (when he moved to the US, the US gave him Jan 1st for New Years birthday) and our child is due any day now. A child is a blessing and if your mom says such hurtful things then I would not allow her to come around your child. Your husband and you are blossoming a new family.
And also, if you can, develop relationships with other motherly figure friends. I have my mother, but I have also learned to develop mother figure friends who care about me as well. I am fortunate to have a Godmom (who is actually my previous work supervisor) from Taiwan. I have developed relationships with my neighbor's parents who said I am like their extended family because I watch out and help them as they have done the same for me. You are also fortunate to have your mother in law and she will care about your child because it is of her son. Your mom's heart MIGHT change if she sees her grandchild, but if not, I would advise you to be strong to cut ties with her because you need to move on, too, to give yourself and your husband a chance to build a new family.