Relationship question. If you have 10 minutes to spare since it so LONGG, please help
Hello, I'm sorry for the Longgg post ahead.. I know everyone time is precious, so please just skip it if you don't have a few minutes to spare (okay 10 minutes to spare, it very longgg). And I apologize for my not so good English grammars. I'm Chinese and English is my third language.
Not expect anyone to make it through reading this. But thank you very much for spare few minutes of your precious time attempt to read it. Happy New Year 2017 and hope everyone is having a great year ahead with your family and loved ones.
My childhood was dysfunctional (my mother abused and belittle me throughout my whole childhood; abused me mentally, verbally, emotionally. And when I was 12 one time she physically beaten me that resulted in me got taken away to Foster Home).. She strip down all my self-worth. My mother destroyed me. But I forgave her, and forgave everything she did to me. After all, she gave birth to me; without her I wouldn't be here in this world.
In my adulthood I'm very fortunate and blessed to have a husband that loves me in every possible way that he can. He accepted everything about me, accepted me for who I am.. Past or present, he treats me really really well. I have no regrets this lifetime.
Since I met him--from acquaintance to friends--to dating--to marriage--to this day; it been peaceful and loving, completely drama-free. Marriage also have been peaceful and loving. Heck, we don't even fight or argue. Thank you to patience and effort. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience, and still ridiculously patience.
He worries and secure everything from emotionally to financially, so I can live a stable steady and comfy life.. The comfy life to everything I have is all thank you to he gives me.
I have a question, I will explain further below.. Both me and my husband we are Not westerners/Not Europeans/Not Americans. So maybe it just his culture and my culture kindda thing.
I went from the girl in his neighborhood to friends with him--friends who share everything with each other, to dating/committed relationship. And now to being married (spouses).
I have known him for 5 years. The first 2 years knowing each others, we were 'just friends' only/platonic friends (Not even a kiss, let alone sex).. Despite I know he chase and chase me, but I wanted to be 'just friends' only. I use the 2 years time to slowly 'Observe' him, get to know him really well before I agreed be his girlfriend.
Because of our close distance, especially when your the girl in his neighborhood, seeing each others day in and day out; it not hard to get to know him well. His apartment was 5 minutes within walking distance from my apartment.
I thought the 2 years being 'just friends' with him--that would be enough time for him to give up chasing me.. But as we getting to know each others, seem like the feelings he has for me developed more and more over time. He waited for me.
He was fine with just be my friend getting to know me more and more, while waiting me to agree to be his GF. He said he wait for me, he waited..
The 2 year she chase me, he said it himself, there no one but me.. He said he will wait until I'm ready/agree to be his GF.
I know I didn't see him bring any girl back to this neighborhood, he didn't date anyone.
I guess perhaps he was just waiting for me to say yes, agreed to be his GF so it can be official.
Anyways, I was touch by his sincere and persistent chasing me. After 2 years of being friends with him, knowing him and knowing him really well; I agreed to be his girlfriend, and the rest is history.
I only have him and only him (I was still a virgin when I met him). He is the only guy I've ever been with, he is my first everything.. I want to skip the part when we in our commited relationship--as his GF. And when we married--as his wife. I just want to concentrate on the part in the first 2 years knowing each others (before I agreed to be his GF), because this is where my question is.
I'm trying to figure out, my question is what is the right word to describe our relationship with each others in the first 2 years knowing him. Was it simply just 'platonic friends'? Since there was No sex, no kissing on the lips. Hell, I don't even let him kiss me on the cheek. So I guess we can said that we were 'just friends/platonic friends' right?.. But then it seem like we not simply just platonic friends in that 2 years, because I know since the begining he was chasing me. He keep chase and chase me, keep asked me to be his GF. But I keep gave him a No answer, so he keep wait and wait. If you can continue read and help me please.
okay, so how we met? I'm the girl in his neighborhood.. First time saw his face, and he keeps stare and stare at me. Everytime he see me, he just stood there look and look at me. Like when ran into him at the parking lot--the the apartment neighborhood parking area; same again, he just stood there and stare at me.
Then more times we ran into each others. Like when he see me carried alot of grocery bags, he helped carry all my groceries bags for me. Or he helped carry my laundry baskets. I guess we were acquaintance..
He very nice to me, he helps carried my laundry baskets, carried my supermarket bags, carried all heavy stuff for me.
He very respectful. Never once he asked to come inside or force himself in my apartment. He helps carried my laundry, carried my supermarkets bags; and he just leave it right in front my door at my doorstep. He never he asked to come inside, he never came near my door. I guess he didn't want to scare me off. (I live alone with a little poodle).
He also help fix my car.. (we live in a state that prone to earthquakes) He use stupid excuses to see me more like he wants to carry those 5 gallons big water bottles to my apartment, to make sure have water for emergency use. He always find reasons and excuses to see me more.
Then he get kindda extreme.. He purposely chose the public staircase that closest to my apartment, quietly sit there and wait for me. Day by day gone by whenever he back from work and have the freetime, he would come back to this same stairscase wait and wait.
My staircase is facing the parking lot, so I have no choice but to passed by this stairs and passed by him in order to get to my apartment. This staircase is where he waited for me alot.
We live a very crowded and HCOL state, and right in the city. It a big neighrbohood, crowded all kinds of noise everywhere. Apartments are left & right--above & below all close to each others. All apartments buildings here have staircase and have lights on too, there alot of staircase in this neighborhood. These stairs are not my stairs, not my property. It just happen to be the staircase most closest to my apartment.
He very respectful. He never come near my door or bother me. He just quietly sit outside the stairs to wait for me. In cold weather, he still came back to this same staircase sit and wait for me.
(when we became friends); he confessed that he wants to get to know me more, wants to see me more. So he chose the public staicase closest to my apartment to sit outside and wait, hope to see me when I came home.
oh, and I keep don't want to give him my number, despite he keep asked for my #, but I said No. I drag it, it took him multiple tries before I gave it to him.
After I gave him my phone #, I guess from acquaintance now we became friends.. He would call and asked if it okay he wants to see me. If it convenient and okay with me, if I would step outside to see him. We just friends, hanging out outside, talking getting to know each others.
Alot of times he still wait for me outside my staircase--We very close in distance, it just few minutes for him to walk to my apartment; he said he wants to see me and he wait for me outside my stairs. (ofcourse if it okay for me to step outside to see him).
He knows I live alone with a little poodle, so I guess he doesn't want to scare me off? He just quietly sat outside my staircase awit for me. Never once he asked to come inside my apartment. Never come near my door.
I know very well he wanted to chase me, but I didn't give in. We were just friends, seeing each others day in day out, talk and getting to know each others kindda thing.
When he come back from work and have the freetime, he always wanted to see me and spend time wiith me.
He would call and asked if it okay he wants to see me. If it convenient and okay with me, if I would step outside to see him.. It still always this same staircase he sat and waited for me.
Perhaps I shouldn't give him hope. But I agreed to come outside to see him. We would just walk around the neighborhood and talk, getting to know each others learn more about each others.
We talk about about his culture and my culture, I learn more about him and he learn more about me. He also talk about his childhood memories to me, his school days, etc.. It just about getting to know each others, whatever topics arised during our conversation, we pretty much talk about anything.
We would walk around the neighborhood and talk. It quite a big neighborhood area here. If you start walking from the begin point to end point--the first building apartments straight to the last building apartments of this neighborhood, it will take you 10 minutes walk. So go and back that is 20 minutes walk.
We also go to the park nearby, just walk and talk. We live right in the city, so there there alot of places to go around. We go to Chinatown and eat Chinese food. We both also like to go around the crowded city and enjoy eating street food, lol
We also go groceries shopping together. He would go to Asian/Chinese supermarkets with me, to learn more about my culture food.
He make it very clear that he doesn't want to be 'just friends' with me. He asked me to be his GF so sooo many times. But I keep said No, and said I'm not ready.. Everytime he asked me to be his GF, I said No. So he keeps wait for me. He said he will wait until I'm ready/agree to be his GF.
Since there was No sex at.all., I can said that we were 'just friends'/platonic friends right?.. But then it seem like we more than just friends. His feelings for me just never go away. He very persistent, and very patience, keep waiting for me. We were friends, but then ugh.. he did things that I don't think a 'platonic friend' would do. I give some examples:
Like when we walk around the neighborhood and talk, he carry me on his back. Same with if we go to the nearby park, he still would carry me on his back.
Well, there times when he carried me on his arms; but I won't let him carry me on his arms because we 'just friends' only. However I did let him carried me on his back.
He 6'1"--he tall and slim, he very lean. There zero fat anywhere on his body. He been this skinny/slim body type all his life, he just very slim. I guess he has a fast metabolism..
Me--I'm very short height, I'm only 4'11" but I'm chubby. I dunno how can he carry me on his back. I guess physic wise if he is that much taller than me (14 inches taller than me), then it a piece of cake for him to carry me. Right? I dunno.
Anyways, it very peaceful between us, we steadily getting to know more about each others day by day. When he comes home from work, he wants to see me. So many many nights he carry me on his back and walk around the neighborhood and talk. (He doesn't let me walk, he said he wants to carry me).
There times when he carry me on his back walk, and he said things that I don't think a platonic friend would said. He said he just he wants to carry me on his back like this, he wants this moment to never passed. So he can be by my side. So he doesn't have to find ways to see me, find ways to bump into me. So he doesn't have to sit outside my staircase wait and wait for me.
(He did have to wait outside my staircase alot, just quietly sit outside my staircase wait and wait for me. So I guess I understand why he carry me on his back would make him happy).
Eventhough we were just platonic friends but we really close friends--we friends who talk and share everything with each others..
Maybe I gave him hope because (eventhough there were No sex), but we were also physically close. Like I let him carry me on his back walk around the neighborhood..
Or like when we sat outside the staircase and talk. He prefers I lay my head on his shoulder or on his chest. Well, I try not to put my head on his chest, because we 'just friends'. But I did lay my head on his shoulder. We were very close physically, his face and lips is like right at the top of my head. I mean when he talk, his lips were right at my forehead. There times when he kissed the top of my head.
I also let him hold my hands. When we sat outside the staircase at night, my hands get cold; he would open mouth breathed in my hands to help it warm and rubs my hands. He very caring.
He attentive too. For example, one time I asked him to help change he lightbulb on top of the ceiling in my living room. He helped change it for me.. And the next time see him, he said he bought something for me--he gave me a table lamp.
He went to went bought a table lamp gave me, he wants me to have a table lamp in my living room. He said when the lightbulb on top of ceiling dead, use the table lamp for light. And wait when he back from work he will come change the lightbulb on the ceiling for me.
I'm 4'11 so I always have to get a tall chair to climb up to change dead lightbulbs . Perhaps he afraid that I will fall off the chair or something, he doesn't want me to climb up on the chair at all.. He make it clear he doesn't want to see me climb on tall chair--to change the light bulb on top of the ceiling, or for whatever reason.
He know I have little doodle, so he often buy bags and bags of dog food gave me for my little doodle to eat.
He always stare and stare at me, like back when he met me. His eyes it intense.. Whenever we together, he always constantly look at me and look into my eyes.
Beside he did all those things. He also introduced me to his family; his mom and his older sister (the two immediately family members he has left and very close with. His dad deceased).
He loves his mom very very much.. Beside he has a very close relationship with his mom, he also has a very close relationship with his older sister. Eventhough his sister she married and have kids, have family of her own; but him and her still close.
He wants me to met his mom. He asked me to take me over to meet his mom. He also invited me to his mom have dinner with her.
Beside met his mom and his sister, I also met his childhood friends.
okay, then during the second year knowing him/second year into our friendship, he did something that I definately don't think platonic friend would do. Sorry for the TMI ahead..
One night we were sitting on the bench, as usual we talk. I let him hold my hands. And he did something that I don't know how to answer how can a platonic riends do something like this.
He hold my hands and he kiss my hand (perhaps because I won't let him kiss my lips, so he go for my hands?). But it those lingering deep kiss--open mouth kiss and sucking, I can feel his whole mouth on my hand, he sucking my hand. And he call my Chinese name and he said he loves me very much.
It hard to describe it but his eyes the way he looks at me, the way he kiss my hand, his voice the way he call my Chinese name and said he loves me very much. I can feel it that he very sincere.. I mean this guy chase and waited 2 years for me, he did make it clear that he will wait until I'm ready/agree to be his GF. But I didn't agree to be his GF, so we weren't dating. Right? I just don't understand how he--a platonic friend would kiss my hand that way.
And it just--the way he kiss my hand; I didn't know a guy can kissed a girl hand like that, he just unusual/not typical..
I know in that 2 years chase, I didn't let him kiss my lips, so I guess he go for my hands. But the way he kissed my hand it was like as if he was deep kiss my lips. I mean it was open mouth kiss and he was sucking on my hand. It not just only use his lips but his tounge too. And he call my Chinese name and he said he loves me very much. (I just didn't know something basic as a hand kiss, it can be that type of deep kiss even just on the hand).
I was touch at at that time. And what further touch me is even till today, he still kiss my hand like that (and we been married 2 years). And he still do it; like just last month he kissed my hands, he still open mouth kiss and sucking on my hand that way. And still call my Chinese name and said he loves me very much. He said he had sworn, for me, he willing to do anything.
As much as I hate to admit it, but I was touch, very touch.. It gets me everytime, I hate it when he does that to me. I mean I don't hate it, but it just that it gets me everytime. ugh..
You know because I'm the girl in his neighborhood, I thought after 5 years seeing me day in day out; he would be sick of me and leave.. But he still here, he still love me like day one. His love hasn't change.
He still is the love-idiot guy that back then quietly sat outside my staircase wait and wait for me..
Thinking back in that 2 years he chased me I sure did give him a hard time. I'm sure it because I'm the girl in his neighborhood/we see each other day in and day out, or else he wouldn't have this much patience.
Perhaps I test his love and patience. But I have no regrets being 'friends' with him in that 2 years, I get to know him really really well. We both learn alot about each others, know everything about each others. We friends who share everything with each others.--I'm sure that 2 years time was the fundamental foundation structure that build our relationship and hold us hold our relationship together.
Anyways, I was touch by his sincere and persistent. After that 2 years time frame, I agreed to be his GF. Yes, when we in our committed relationship I gave him sex (but that was "after" that 2 years).
He said he has feelings for me he loves me way before we have sex.. He said the 2 years when we 'just friends', seeing each others day in day out, he already love me at that time. Perhaps that why he keep waiting for me..
I know he said he loves me way before I became his GF, he loves me way before I agree to married him/become his wife, he loves me way before he sleep with me.
Everytime I asked him; when did he realized he have feelings for me? He gives me the same answer, he said he know he have feelings for me when he find himself keep coming back to the same stairscase sit there wait and wait for me.
I have known him 5 years, going on year 6. He is awesome awesome husband (we got married 2 years ago). Past or present, he treats me really really well. I'm very blessed to have him as my husband.. Let just skip the part where we were in our committed relationship, and the part where we married.
My question is what were our relationship in that first 2 years knowing him (if you make it through reading all this, it the 2 years in the content of this post)..Was it simply just 'platonic friends'? Because there was No sex, no kissing on the lips. I don't even let him kiss me on the cheek, let alone sex. So I can say we were 'just friends/platonic friends' right? Furthermore because everytime he asked me to be his GF, I keep gave him a No answer. So he keeps wait and wait for me in that 2 years, while chase me and being friends with me till I agree to be his GF..
But then as you can see he did alot of love-idiot things, things that I really don't think simply a platonic friend would do. I don't know how to explain why he did all those things he did.
A friend of mine she said I can described it as we were "seeing each others". But how can in that 2 years we be were 'seeing each others' when I didn't agree to be his GF? I not sure what is the right word to describe our relationship in that 2 years--can I said that we were together, would it count? I mean all those things he did, it Not things that a platonic male friend would do right? (Hell, I don't even know how to explain that hand kiss of his). How would you describe a relationship of two people live in the same neighborhood like that--Would you count that 2 years time frame as we "together"? Or simple it just 'his chase'? Since I didn't agree to be his GF until "after" that 2 years, so it wouldn't count as we were together in that 2 years right?
oh, and the one poster help gave me advice she said she would call it 'courting/courtship'; but isn't courting is the same as chasing? So this 2 years he courting/chasing me, spending time with him day in day out, does it count as 'together'? Or it only count as "together" AFTER I agree to be his GF? (and that was after his 2 years chase).
ugh.. it bother me that I don't know the answer to this question.
Thank you very much for reading, if you can help give me your inputs/viewpoint please, I really appreciate it.
Last edited by jasmine31; 01-12-2017 at 02:29 AM.