Husband wants to leave me because I cant support him
Hello all, I apologise if this will be long, but at the point I'm at I dont feel like I have any friends I can speak with anymore, and I'm starting to feel like Im falling apart with my marriage, so thankyou to anyone who has the patience to read through all this.
To give a bit of background, I met my husband many years ago through an online video game when I was 19 and he was 24. We befriended each other, eventually it turned to more, I ended up getting a visa to live with him in the US for a while, and when that ran out he moved to my country and we married. Back when we first got together, he was unemployed, and I would help him out with rent. He got a job and went to college (which he didnt finish), but still couldnt support himself, so even after I moved in with him on a visa that did not permit me to work, I was still helping him financially. When he moved here to marry me, we started having problems, I thought it was just the stress and culture shock for him so I tried to be patient and supportive, I put up with a lot from him I probably shouldn't have, and I handled planning the wedding all on my own. I was working fulltime hours in a stressful job, while also having to duck out on my lunch break, or do overtime for leaving throughout the day in order to collect my husband and drive him around looking for a job because he couldn't figure out public transport.
In april 2015, after I had handled most of the costs of our life (rent, groceries, vacations etc), I was made redundant from my job, and I was struggling to find something new because I was suffering a lot of health problems. My husband suggested I be a stay at home wife, that we could still afford it on his job, so that's what we did. I made sure to do everything I could at home to make his day easier, handling all the chores, the cooking, the cleaning, did whatever he wanted when he got home...until after only 2-3 months I found out he was fooling around with other women online, calling and texting their phones at work, and just in general behaving in ways that he would have divorced me if it had been me acting that way. His reasoning being that he felt like he 'deserved' it. While he did stop, I was (and still am) depressed, and he has never been all that understanding of it, seeming to think I should be over it by now. It took a long time for me to feel like I could love him again, but I was starting to feel like I could finally.
In december 2015, he decided to up and quit his job, with nothing else lined up, leaving us with no income at all. He told me he would just take a rest for a few weeks then would start looking for a new one and would also go back to college so he could get a better career for us. He started pressuring me to go back to work as well, and after being out of the workforce for a while I was finding it very intimidating. He made no effort to find a job himself, saying he was just waiting because I was clearly stressed and he didnt want me to feel pressured when we had to start looking. The same week we agreed to start, I found a job, while he...has spent the entirety of the past year unemployed and not even looking. Instead he has spent nearly every night playing video games, and every day sleeping.
This is where I finally get to our current problems. I was made redundant again when the company I was working for was enexpectedly shut down. We've both been looking for work, but because I get stressed about it he acts as though I am doing nothing at all. After he's been spending increasing amounts of time on his computer lately, and seeming evasive about what he was doing and who he was talking to, I got on there to check, and I find he's been saying a whole lot of things about me to mutual friends. He repeats the fears and anxieties I trust him with, and while he's always nice to me face to face about them, he's incredibly cold recounting them to other people. He makes me out to be someone who is incapable of taking care of myself and that I am the one holding us back, saying that he cant get into college because I wont get a job (despite I am looking, and he did not take the chance at all over the last year when I did have fulltime work). But even worse, he complains about my health problems, saying I dont take care of myself, and that if I dont start 'pulling my weight' within the next year or two, he's going to have to leave me.
So, after everything I've put up with from him, after all the times I've tried to support him, he is willing to leave me...possibly because I am not capable of being the one to support him now. To top it all off, I feel like I cant talk to friends about it anymore after all he's been saying behind my back and that they must think poorly of me, and I don't have the best relationship with my family as they didnt like him to begin with (although that was unrelated and unfair reasons).