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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:10 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I too would be worried if my husband stopped groping me whenever he gets a chance. Sometimes when my husband caresses a boob while I'm making supper my first thought is, seriously..I'm cooking here, but you know i would rather he be touching my boob than someone elses and i think about it from the stand point that he is expressing his desire for me so I usually give him a "Don't forget about the other one" or " i got something else you can caress" or i turn around and do a little rubbing myself on him and then he leaves me feeling satisifed and not deflated, which i think men feel when their sexual advances are turned down, deflated.

Does the fact that he cheated before cause you to dislike the groping or do you really object to the physical contact? If you really dislike the physical contact then i would have a talk to your husband, but i feel a lot of men like to touch their wifes and frequently. I'm sorry your husband has cheated on you, that must be some of the worst pain a spouse can feel to be betrayed by their partner that way. I hope he is doing the hard work it's going to take to get your marriage back to where it needs to be.

All the best.

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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:22 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

It can be tricky to understand what is "good" groping, and what is "bad" groping. It can be obvious to you, bit not to him.

From other posts here, its clear that different people find different things OK or not.

Can you describe what is and isn't OK? Then do you think you can communicate that to your husband? Or have you and he is ignoring it?



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Originally Posted by Lilies12 View Post
Hi Ladies!
snip
Sometimes I don't mind it sometimes it p*sses me off ....
snip
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I am affectionate but I like a certain type of affection. I love when my husband gently hugs me, puts his hands on my butt gently or my boobs gently I don't mind that. That makes me feel sexy and loved. My husband use to slap my ass so hard or grab my ass and I hated it. Especially if I was in the kitchen cooking. This type of touch imo is more for him, and made me feel like a piece of meat and he felt like a "man" or whatever.
It's just a difference of opinion. Maybe you can come to an agreement with how you like to touched?
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

OP,
If you do not give your H what he needs then he will get it elsewhere. This is an evident fact. You can argue that you are not a "touchy" person until the sun comes up but it changes nothing. I will emphatically say that his cheating is wrong, period. However, if you know his need and refuse to acknowledge and deal with it then you should not be surprised when he does it. I do not understand how his touch is groping. You are his wife, the desire of his heart.

You cannot take a man who loves vintage automobiles, agree to give him a totally tricked out 67 corvette and then not allow him to drive it. Why would someone do such a thing? Also, how is it that you find your husbands touches annoying but find the inappropriate texts of a co-worker something worth responding to? You have said that you love your H but on what do you base that proclamation? He annoys you with his physical advances, he is untrustworthy, you had little concern for his feelings (no qualms about what your interactions with the co-worker would do to him), so what is it, exactly, that you love about him? Perhaps this is the real issue. Perhaps you believe that "love" is something that it is not.

Perhaps you stay out of convenience or comfort rather than "love". If this is so, you are doing a disservice to him and to yourself as well. It may be worth actually doing some introspection to determine if you really care for him.
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Reach in his pants and yank on his bolls....maybe then he'll understand.
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post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:20 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by NoChoice View Post
OP,
If you do not give your H what he needs then he will get it elsewhere.
What bullpucky.

If your marriage has deteriorated to the point where your wife can't stand you touching her, then it's time to do a serious evaluation of the state of the marriage, NOT time to go jump into someone else's pants. If after consideration you decide you don't want to be married to a cold fish, then divorce and THEN go jump in someone elses pants.
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post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:14 PM
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Cool Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
Reach in his pants and yank on his bolls....maybe then he'll understand.
But before you do any of that yanking, get yourself some protective gloves ~ after all, you have no earthly idea where those "bolls" have been!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

There is loving touch and there is groping. Groping can come across to some as molesting. It's interesting that he starts that crap when you are busy and have your hands full. He knows you are at a disadvantage so he takes advantage to do what he knows you dislike. That's passive aggressive behavior.
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post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 07:45 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by Lilies12 View Post
Hi Ladies!

Question for you all, my husband is constantly "groping" me (at least that's how I feel). Anytime my husband touches me he is always grabbing my breasts, grabbing my butt and just rubbing on me in some way. Sometimes I don't mind it sometimes it p*sses me off because I feel like all I'm here for is his groping pleasure! I will be cooking and he walks up behind me and literally both of his hands are on my breasts and he is squeezing them and kissing my neck, basically holding me tight to the point where I can barely move, and then as he lets go squeezes my butt. Most of the time I feel partly violated, he doesn't seem to respect the fact that I don't want to constantly be touched.

So my question is how would that make you feel? Would that make you feel loved, attractive, etc? Would you be okay with your husband or BF doing that to you?

The whole sex/intimacy thing has been an issue with my husband and I for about 2 years now, probably longer. He has this huge thing about sex and feeling loved. It has to be sex for him to feel loved, apparently snuggling and hand holding doesn't really count but "it helps a little". I'm over it because we fight about this constantly, because I am the total opposite. I don't need physical love, I actually do not like people rubbing on me. When we discuss him touching me as described above; he says "Fine then I won't touch you anymore and I won't ask you for sex". Then 2 days later we fight about sex again or I worry that he's cheating, again!

Just trying to get an idea of what other women make of what I am calling "groping". Having their partner physically touch them, etc.

Thanks!
The correct answer depends entirely on how YOU feel about it. Always go with your first instinct: it seems to me like you are uncomfortable with this in which case I would absolutely make it clear that this is not ok. There is a time and place for "groping" and if it's not the right time or place, then he shouldn't be indulged (same response applies to Daisy, I think? - the actions should not be motivated by fear of husband losing attraction for you. If the fear is there in the first place, then something else is not right).

Having said that, I sometimes give my wife a slap on the behind (I find groping out of the blue a little tasteless, personally). It's hit & miss (so to speak); she sometimes flushes with embarrassment, mainly from excitement, and sometimes looks annoyed. If the latter, I usually make it up to her with a gentle kiss and apology, if the former, I let her wait in anticipation for more.

Whatever the case: the husband should never feel "entitlement" to sex/groping etc when it's not appropriate.

People have been screaming "cheater!" on this thread: what has your husband done exactly?
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post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Personally, I LOVE the groping. Now, one of my two primary love languages is physical touch. So I love the hand holding, arm around my shoulder, hugging, playing footsie, etc. If we go to a restaurant, and we are seated in a big enough booth, I like to sit on the same side as my partner so our legs can touch or I can lay my head on his shoulder, and if we sit across from each other in a booth, he'll hold my hand from across the table; if we're at a table, we'll sit in the two corner chairs so we can be close. All that makes me feel loved and cherished. But it's not sexy.

I came from a sexless marriage, and it completely destroyed my self-esteem, my body image, and my sexual confidence. So the groping meets my love language, and it reminds me that my partner thinks I'm sexy. He never does it because he's looking for it to lead to sex in that moment (or he may not even be interested in having sex at all that day!), it's groping for groping's sake, and his way of saying to me, "Hey, maybe we don't have sex today, but I want you to know that I find you attractive and sexy." (I get distraught if we go for too long without sex, which for me is about a week, because we don't live together. I'm OK if it's longer for a specific reason, like one of us is traveling, but if that's the case, then I expect that we will be having sex at the first opportunity.)

BUT..... if I was in your situation, I bet I would feel differently. Honestly, I think if I was in your situation, I would recoil from all physical contact.

Because, as much as I LOVE and NEED physical contact with my partner, that's something reserved for just him. I don't like other people touching me. I hate when casual acquaintances think it's ok to hug me or touch me on my arm, or whatever. Touch is reserved for family and close friends. It takes a long time for me to be comfortable with someone and physical contact. It requires trust. So if my SO cheated on me, I wouldn't trust them anymore, and therefore wouldn't want them touching me anymore. I'm not surprised by your reaction, and I think some of the comments here are a little unfair; they clearly don't know the context.

(Helpful hint--it might be good to either give some context, or link to your other thread, in the initial post.)


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 03:46 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by Lilies12 View Post
We have read the 5 love languages and it works for a short time then goes back to arguing about it again.

I'm sure the cheating has to do with the way I feel about our marriage and our sex life. But it's hard to move on from it. It's difficult to have a sex life (at least for me) when there is the constant pressure for intimacy.
How long has it been since he cheated? Does he understand that he needs to earn your trust again, before you'll be comfortable being intimate again?

Constant pressure to be intimate is the biggest libido killer in the world. In his mind, it's over. He's apologized, and he wants to go back to the way things were, and he thinks you should accept that because he's apologized (I assume). It takes time to build trust and real intimacy, and he wants to skip over all of that. He doesn't seem to realize that the two of you can't pick up where you left off before the affair; you need to go back to zero and rebuild.

Are the two of you in MC?

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:20 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by Lilies12 View Post
We have read the 5 love languages and it works for a short time then goes back to arguing about it again.

I'm sure the cheating has to do with the way I feel about our marriage and our sex life. But it's hard to move on from it. It's difficult to have a sex life (at least for me) when there is the constant pressure for intimacy.
If you don't want intimacy with him then why are you still together?

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 07:10 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I love it when I'm cooking and my husband comes along behind me and feels me up, lol. I don't consider it groping. Often I'll be on the doorstep waiting for the dogs to do their business before we go to bed and he'll come up behind me, stick his hands under my shirt and have a play with the girls, lolol.

BUT my husband hasn't cheated...if he had that would change everything. I don't think I could stand his hands anywhere near me if that were the case.
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post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:10 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Dear lilly,

Nothing wrong with what he is doing. I am a male and I learned that women like to be touched. Touched on the rear end once in a while when you are wearing jeans just as long as he says "you fill them out nice-your hot!, Touches your arm, you let him show PDA's in public and in private. You should re-direct his touch by telling him so, but tell him withholding sex is not appropriate and it should stop. I wouldn't like if if my wife grabbed my front area. It has been done before. That area is sensitive, i feel for you. Do this, When he is doing the dishes sneak up behind him, wrap your arms around him, Kiss his ear or side of his neck very enticingly, say come up stairs in ten minutes. There can always be more of this more regularly if you stop groping me and touch my nicely once in a while to show me you love me. I like being touched but do not grope my privates. Come on, finish the dishes, come to the bedroom in exactly ten minutes-keep the sexy kissing pecks while you softly tell him this. It will stop for sure. If not, just repeat. We are dogs and need constant re-training with positive reinforcement. Add a romantic meal you make with candles and the kids away twice a month. I wish my wife did that. It would make my mind spin. I would have a hard time waiting for desert in the champagne room. When he comes home, have music playing, and ask him not to say a word, just enjoy the experience. Then when you sit together-toast and set the occasion to tell each other how much you care. Last bit- Tell him how you admire him and he is your hero when it is an appropriate time. The timing must be right and it must be sincere. Do this all men's heads will follow the wife's lead without us men knowing it.
How I know this, I've been around the block three times and each time of marriage failure, I felt worse and worse as a provider and failing to demonstrate to my wife her love language. I pray i get it right the next time if there is one.

See a counselor together if this don't work.
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post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Dear lilly,

Nothing wrong with what he is doing. I am a male and I learned that women like to be touched.
Actually, there is something wrong if she has told him she doesn't want it and he persists. Not correct to make a blanket statement that women like to be touched. There are many factors involved, as shown in this thread alone.
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