Husband crossing the line or is it just me? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Hi Ladies!

Question for you all, my husband is constantly "groping" me (at least that's how I feel). Anytime my husband touches me he is always grabbing my breasts, grabbing my butt and just rubbing on me in some way. Sometimes I don't mind it sometimes it p*sses me off because I feel like all I'm here for is his groping pleasure! I will be cooking and he walks up behind me and literally both of his hands are on my breasts and he is squeezing them and kissing my neck, basically holding me tight to the point where I can barely move, and then as he lets go squeezes my butt. Most of the time I feel partly violated, he doesn't seem to respect the fact that I don't want to constantly be touched.

So my question is how would that make you feel? Would that make you feel loved, attractive, etc? Would you be okay with your husband or BF doing that to you?

The whole sex/intimacy thing has been an issue with my husband and I for about 2 years now, probably longer. He has this huge thing about sex and feeling loved. It has to be sex for him to feel loved, apparently snuggling and hand holding doesn't really count but "it helps a little". I'm over it because we fight about this constantly, because I am the total opposite. I don't need physical love, I actually do not like people rubbing on me. When we discuss him touching me as described above; he says "Fine then I won't touch you anymore and I won't ask you for sex". Then 2 days later we fight about sex again or I worry that he's cheating, again!

Just trying to get an idea of what other women make of what I am calling "groping". Having their partner physically touch them, etc.

Thanks!

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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

My W would wonder why I'm not groping her! Only certain times of the month does my W not liked to touch. That time is generally when nature calls.

Sex and intimacy is your H love language. If you do not work on talking his language there will be problems. This you know as the arguing has appear to have gone on for 2 years now.

It appears the cheating has something to do with it? Your feelings that is.

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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I just replied on your post in the sex section, but I didn't see this one first.

If he has cheated before, then no wonder you feel violated if he cannot be respectful in the way he touches you.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:08 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Personally, it makes me feel loved. You need to understand that you both may need to be loved in different ways. Read the 5 love languages.. it will help.

Please know that the way he needs to be loved and the way you need to be loved, will never change. If you both can't understand or live with the way your partner needs to be loved, then you need to reevaluate your situation.

Just because you need to be loved by one way, does not mean that's how he needs to be loved, and vice versa.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

We have read the 5 love languages and it works for a short time then goes back to arguing about it again.

I'm sure the cheating has to do with the way I feel about our marriage and our sex life. But it's hard to move on from it. It's difficult to have a sex life (at least for me) when there is the constant pressure for intimacy.
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilies12 View Post
We have read the 5 love languages and it works for a short time then goes back to arguing about it again.

I'm sure the cheating has to do with the way I feel about our marriage and our sex life. But it's hard to move on from it. It's difficult to have a sex life (at least for me) when there is the constant pressure for intimacy.
If he cheated and then rugswept it....I wouldn't let him touch me at all.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

Both our love language us touch. Therefore I don't care what kind of touch as long as there's lots of it. Sexual touching is even better. I can, however sympathize with others for who it is too much. Im not much of a romantic so rose petals in the bathtub does nothing for me. I prefer the actual touching including affection.

So I can definitely see how if thats not your love language too much of it is a turnoff. But I also see your husband's POV that he NEEDS it. With good communication you should as a couple be willing to discuss how BOTH can get their needs met! Otherwise the one who is not wiil become resentful.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:30 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I suppose if you don't like it then yes - he is crossing the line if you made that clear to him.

On the other hand, you are crossing the line by ignoring his need for sex on a regular / frequent basis.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:30 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
If he cheated and then rugswept it....I wouldn't let him touch me at all.
^^^

It is my suggestion you ask the mods to lock your two threads and start a new thread with ALL the information concerning your marriage, the infidelity and the aftermath.

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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

In the past I noticed that sometimes I would welcome my partner's groping and his exclamations of how sexy I/my ass was but other times it turned me way off as I felt objectified by it. The chapter: "The First Thing She Can't Do Without - Affection" from His Needs Her Needs explained exactly why that was happening.

When there was a reduction in affectionate gestures eg hand holding, light caressing, kissing me on the forehead, hugs etc it made me feel unloved and that's when his approach came across as crass and objectifying. It starts a cycle that the chapter describes: "She doesn't get enough affection, so she shuts him off sexually. He doesn't get enough sex, so the last thing he feels like being is affectionate".

If the 5 Love Languages hasn't helped, try the aforementioned text.

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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:42 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I'm guessing that you disliking being touched by your husband has worlds to do with his history of (serial?) cheating. Some part of you obviously feels he doesn't respect you, that he isn't trustworthy, and that he can't be counted on. You probably wouldn't enjoy being groped at random by a stranger - and that would be someone you don't know anything about. It's not really any wonder that you don't enjoy being groped by a man with a proven track record of being shady as all hell.

Yes, sex is likely vitally important to your husband - as it is to many men - in helping him to feel loved. But, what's he doing to help you feel loved? It's clear he wants you to meet his need for sex. Is he meeting your needs for things that are not sex? Does he consider your non-sexual needs as valid as his own need for sex?

And, what steps has he taken to change his life and his mindset so that you can feel safe in trusting him to be faithful going forward?

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:44 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I love it when my bf grabs my butt or spanks it when im bending over for something. Makes me feel desired and sexy, which is a huge deal for me since our sex life isn't the greatest.

However, if he had cheated, that changes everything. I would feel mad and like just another warm body, nothing special, if he groped me.
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

So, I just read your previous thread about how you were flirting with someone else and he was sexing other women in your house.

A) No **** you don't want to be groped by a guy who stuck his **** in someone else
B) This relationship seems really damaged and I don't see how it is fixable given what you have done
C) GTFO
D) Go to counseling to get over getting groped by your loved one overall (assuming it's someone new and the desire is there, getting groped is good)
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

it's important for men (any man) to be able to read their wives moods, likes, and act accordingly.
otherwise it's selfish and all about him.

a wife should be treated like a treasure, because that's what she is (same goes for your husband).
groping, grabbing and forcing oneself upon another is not manly behavior really.

i don't like the term 'love language' because although it has utility it sounds like too much of a cliche.
this is so elementary that it defies having to define it by pop psychology.
ideally, it should come naturally, not by reading a book or seeking out a guru.

this is why male role models (dads!) is so important.
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:02 PM
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Re: Husband crossing the line or is it just me?

I like "romantic" groping. If you can understand what I mean. I would love to be cooking and my husband come up behind me and hug me tight, a smooth caress, let his hands gently wander...

I do not like being pinched, or biten, or roughly squeezed. That kind of groping is annoying.

My LONG story: LD Husband Journal
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