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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 09:58 AM
FeministInPink's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,271
Re: Something isn't right, what should I do

If he's now offering to have the son and grandchild move in with his ex, and to re-home the dog, that's a start. But the doesn't entail him making any changes.

You may need to change tactics in regard to his weight. If you tell him how afraid you are that he's jeopardizing his health and is going to make you a young widow, he may get off his a$$ and do something. But he's 10 yrs older than you... most older men understand that if they want to keep that PYT that they need to up their game a little bit. You may want to start planning fun, active activities... and when he passes because he is too out of shape to go with you, leave him at home and do it on your own. He'll start realizing that he's missing out on time and making memories with you, and maybe that will spur him into action.

If he was in better shape, he would have more energy to help with stuff and generally do things.

Letting the house fall apart may or may not have the intended affect. Some people don't care about mess, and are perfectly content to live in filth. The saying goes, the one who cares the most is the one who does all the work. If you like it clean and he doesn't care... then you'll be the one doing all the cleaning, I'm afraid.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-22-2017, 05:22 PM
oceanbreeze's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: california
Posts: 173
Re: Something isn't right, what should I do

A lot of people had good advice. I would start working on you also. Even though, you've spoken with your husband and communicated all your anxiety and concerns, we will still have to see it follow through about re-homing both your stepson and the dog.

Afterwards, I agree with working on healthy activities and inviting your husband to include him. Because if he is eating away junk food, then it shows he's also suffering, too. He's letting himself go because he's also unhappy with something. I think if you are able to invite him to these activities to build intimacy then maybe he'll be more energetic. Plus, since he's eating unhealthy, that is also what could cause his body (aside from working a lot) to also feel low energy.
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