The sad truth
I have been married for over 30 years and after a lifetime of lies, cheating and disrespecting my husband I finally see the horror of what I have done. From early on in our marriage I pretended to be the perfect wife. I told my husband that I didn't desire to see or ever be with anyone else. I even came to believe it myself, except my actions proved otherwise. I see now that I have never emotionally connected with him, never made a decision about anything of consequence except the decision to destroy his belief that I was the one. I secretly spent money on "stuff", thinking it would make me happy. My husband has never done anything to warrant any such behavior. He is a kind, caring, giving and selfless man. He has always provided for his family without fail. I wasn't mature enough to see that his words were his logical way of trying to help me become a better person. He is very logical and speaks the truth and as the saying goes, the truth hurts. So I spent my time building up resentment toward him which over the course of more than 30 years I lied to his face , cheated by saying I had no need to see other men's bodiies when in fact I fantacised about friends and family who would come to our house, and the final straw for me was thinking inappropriate thoughts about my own blood relative. That was a year ago. All of these things were found out, not admitted by me. Since then, I have vowed to myself and my husband to no longer be that discusting person who threw away our youth. I may never find the love that I threw away with my selfish ways, but my husband deserves someone who is totally comitted to the marriage. I strive to finally be that person. I can't be sure if there is room for another chance because I have been given thousands. I have hurt him and it continues because the cuts are just too deep. I appreciate you taking the time to read this post.