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post #61 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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I like this!!
Thanks, Livvie! I do, too!


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #62 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 10:31 AM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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You said you had a heart artack? Do you know why?
I was born with a congenital heart defect. My first cardiac event happened when I was 33 due to physical stress from pregnancy. The second happened due to a bad reaction to anesthesia. The third happened due to extreme emotional stress from a job I never should have taken. I was working 60+ hours a week, paid for 35, reported to 4 different bosses who all had different priorities, and for some reason any work that wasn't getting done got dumped on me. Even custodial duties after our custodian quit. We had 24 employees doing work that needed at least 50. Everyone there was always miserable and complaining and management was incredibly unsupportive. It was the most emotionally unhealthy environment I have ever been in and after 6 months of dealing with it I had a nervous breakdown that led to a heart attack from pure stress.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #63 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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I was born with a congenital heart defect. My first cardiac event happened when I was 33 due to physical stress from pregnancy. The second happened due to a bad reaction to anesthesia. The third happened due to extreme emotional stress from a job I never should have taken. I was working 60+ hours a week, paid for 35, reported to 4 different bosses who all had different priorities, and for some reason any work that wasn't getting done got dumped on me. Even custodial duties after our custodian quit. We had 24 employees doing work that needed at least 50. Everyone there was always miserable and complaining and management was incredibly unsupportive. It was the most emotionally unhealthy environment I have ever been in and after 6 months of dealing with it I had a nervous breakdown that led to a heart attack from pure stress.
If you don't mind my asking, what is your diet like?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #64 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 07:44 PM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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First, you are only asking ladies. And, this is a "pre-loaded" question.

Note: there is putting on weight and putting on a "lot of weight".

2d Note: There is going without makeup, not fixing up your hair and not wearing stylish clothing and there is never wearing makeup, keeping your hair unkempt and greasy and wearing baggy sweat pants and sweat shirts most of the time.

If you think men should typically not give a damn whether his wife is obese, slovenly and unattractive then you are delusional. It is one thing if a man married such a women, it is another if she changed her appearance, as mentioned, after marriage.

Men are visually inclined. A married women is free to act and dress as she pleases. She is also free to break up her marriage by her choices. A wife should be loved passionately, but sorry, not unconditionally. If a women does not love herself and lets herself go, then she risks letting her marriage go.
Well said!! That about sums it up.

A mother's love is unconditional. Love between a man and a woman is conditional, no matter how strong it may be. Mutual understanding of this will lead to a healthy relationship. Any semi-conscious woman should be aware that men are wired naturally to reproduce with as many females as they physically can, it's simple instinctual survival of a species. It doesn't mean "men are dogs", it means men are HUMAN. Being monogamous for an extended period of time/lifetime takes an actual conscious effort for a man, we need to strike down temptation at every single turn. Women have a very hard time comprehending that because....you guessed it...they're WOMEN! Just how we, as men, have trouble understanding some of the things women do, say and feel. Not saying I want to be congratulated/rewarded for my fidelity, just saying it shouldn't be confusing why men "care" about their wives' appearance.

The real key to this conversation is whether or not the woman changed AFTER the fact. Getting married is not the finish line, people. It's the starting gun if anything!
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post #65 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:47 PM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

I saw something in a supermarket a while back that restored my faith in humanity. A couple walking along holding hands clearly in love. Him a good looking guy, she a plain chubby lady. Love it, I wanted to give him a medal for seeing past that and loving her. SO rare.

I think that widespread porn use has skewed many men's idea of what they want/desire/expect in women. How can a normal average lady compete with these women chosen for looking a certain way?
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post #66 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:02 PM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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Originally Posted by ThisIsAUserName View Post
Well said!! That about sums it up.

A mother's love is unconditional. Love between a man and a woman is conditional, no matter how strong it may be. Mutual understanding of this will lead to a healthy relationship. Any semi-conscious woman should be aware that men are wired naturally to reproduce with as many females as they physically can, it's simple instinctual survival of a species. It doesn't mean "men are dogs", it means men are HUMAN. Being monogamous for an extended period of time/lifetime takes an actual conscious effort for a man, we need to strike down temptation at every single turn. Women have a very hard time comprehending that because....you guessed it...they're WOMEN! Just how we, as men, have trouble understanding some of the things women do, say and feel. Not saying I want to be congratulated/rewarded for my fidelity, just saying it shouldn't be confusing why men "care" about their wives' appearance.

The real key to this conversation is whether or not the woman changed AFTER the fact. Getting married is not the finish line, people. It's the starting gun if anything!
In life long marriage you will go from 20 or 30 something year olds to maybe 80 something year olds. The physical changes that happen in that time are immense. Many will gain weight due to age, hormones, menopause, illness, certain drugs, and there will be wrinkles, gray hair, gravity playing its part, baldness, having babies will change the body in many ways, and the list goes on. If its based only or mainly on looks then the marriage wont last.
My husband has changed a lot in the past 11 years we have been married, we married in our late 40's. He is much greyer, has lost more hair, put on a little weight, I just adore him just as much and whatever happens in the future the same will apply. Marriage should be a lifelong commitment, not based on whether we can stay the same size, weight and looks as we did in our 20's.

I also don't agree that man are wired to have sex with as many women as possible. If that were the case then studies wouldnt show that married men are happier, healthier and live longer than single men, so monogamous marriage is clearly beneficial for them mentally, emotionally and physically.
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post #67 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:05 PM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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I saw something in a supermarket a while back that restored my faith in humanity. A couple walking along holding hands clearly in love. Him a good looking guy, she a plain chubby lady. Love it, I wanted to give him a medal for seeing past that and loving her. SO rare.
This isn't rare at all where I live. There are couples like this everywhere here.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #68 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:10 PM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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I guess I like feeling free in my marriage. Or as free as a person can feel in marriage.

I would hate to feel like I had to weigh a certain amount to stay married. I would rather just free us both up to find people we felt completely comfortable with, however they are.

And now that I have been married to someone who likes me just the way I am, I don't think I could accept a marriage any other way.
Both of my ex-husbands liked me just the way I was, too. I could not have married them otherwise. But "the way I was" included my healthy lifestyle and personal choices. I liked them for their personal health and lifestyle choices too, and would not have been attracted to them without those choices.

However....if I knew a woman whose man harped on her about weight I would think it was disgusting and would encourage her to leave him. Or even if he threatened like "I will leave you if you get fat". I would completely agree that he should just leave her, not bother to harp on her or threaten her or make her feel bad about herself. Those men are jerks.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #69 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I saw something in a supermarket a while back that restored my faith in humanity. A couple walking along holding hands clearly in love. Him a good looking guy, she a plain chubby lady. Love it, I wanted to give him a medal for seeing past that and loving her. SO rare.

I think that widespread porn use has skewed many men's idea of what they want/desire/expect in women. How can a normal average lady compete with these women chosen for looking a certain way?
I have heard this about porn, too. I also read that porn is the main driver behind human trafficking.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #70 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Both of my ex-husbands liked me just the way I was, too. I could not have married them otherwise. But "the way I was" included my healthy lifestyle and personal choices. I liked them for their personal health and lifestyle choices too, and would not have been attracted to them without those choices.

However....if I knew a woman whose man harped on her about weight I would think it was disgusting and would encourage her to leave him. Or even if he threatened like "I will leave you if you get fat". I would completely agree that he should just leave her, not bother to harp on her or threaten her or make her feel bad about herself. Those men are jerks.
Or she could leave him. Either way, it would be over for me.

Honestly, if it comes down to where people feel they have to threaten each other, they really should just call it quits.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #71 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:17 AM
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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Or she could leave him. Either way, it would be over for me.

Honestly, if it comes down to where people feel they have to threaten each other, they really should just call it quits.
Yes she could leave....but if he's the one with the problem, he should just man up instead of trying to lay it on her head and say the truth "I'm too shallow to love you, I am leaving". And hopefully she'd say "don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out".

But of course, it typically doesn't go that way.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #72 of 72 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, if your husband *does* care about your weight,

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Yes she could leave....but if he's the one with the problem, he should just man up instead of trying to lay it on her head and say the truth "I'm too shallow to love you, I am leaving". And hopefully she'd say "don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out".

But of course, it typically doesn't go that way.
Sadly, no. Women, at least ime, tend to hang on to relationships way past their expiration date.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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