.... I had already explained that I just wanted to run away and go be on a beach by myself, he thought that meant I wanted to leave him but it doesn't I basically just want to get away from the kids. as sad and mean as that sounds. I just have a strong urge to be selfish. enjoy my one life. I feel so tied down, I feel as if Im falling out of love with my husband, I think I do still love him but when he wants to look deep into my eyes (which he does a lot) I want to look away, and not just hold it there. it makes me feel awkward. and we have a good sex life, but he doesn't excite me anymore, he always has to ask "are we gonna do it tonight"? why do you need to ask, just throw me up against the wall and lay it on me, don't talk about it. It is aggravating. and Im afraid to say anything bc I don't want him thinking I don't like his sex, its just dang.... I wanna have some excitement. Its gone and I want it back. Will I get over this feeling or am I the only one, I feel like everything has changed and im not even sure why. please help.
This is eerily similar to how my first marriage went (minus the kids).
My ex wife also got bored, wanted changes, some excitement, had some regrets, etc. It's not at all uncommon. I didn't, and still don't, blame her. We were together almost 3x as long as you, not that that matters.
What I DO blame her for is not properly communicating these things to me. In retrospect, on my part, they were probably fairly obvious. But all the same - a little communication might have gone a long way.
Often when this sort of thing happens with one partner, they tend to wind up resenting the other for a whole host of reasons. One of them being their inability to read your mind
The longer my ex wife went feeling this way (without talking to me about it) the more she began to resent the fact that I was the same guy I was yesterday, and the day before, and so on. And eventually she viewed me as the same boring, never-changing guy I've always been. Which may have been true, but I liked myself. Without communication to get the ball rolling (and sadly lacking in the ability to read minds) she eventually grew tired of me, our life together, and generally had a hate on for me for the last little while.
In short, don't let it get to that point. YOU want the change, YOU need to be the catalyst for it, LONG before you start to resent or even hate your husband - who's technically done nothing wrong.
The eventuality of all of this, is that the one partner will almost certainly stray. Or at the very least, meet somebody who gets their blood flowing again, and use that as the catalyst to end the marriage. "I've met somebody else" is often how these scenarios go.
I have little doubt my ex wife espoused to any and all how boring I was, and that she needed to get out, needed some excitement, the marriage was going nowhere, etc etc etc. I also have little doubt that her new life has, or will, reach that point again. It's almost inevitable. Sometimes the grass is greener, sometimes it isn't. It almost always is at the start, however, so it's difficult to resist the temptation to blow it all up.
For the time being, the trick is to consciously not resent your husband for every little thing he does right now. That's more difficult than you think, but it can be done.
A great start would be to communicate to him, gently and without hurting his feelings, to stop asking for sex, and instead to just take you - which is what you want. I've been on both sides of this exact thing. I fell down that hole with my ex wife - I never 'took her', it just became a 'wanna have sex' kind of thing. Big mistake on my part, I see that now. Conversely, my current wife was doing this to me - until I spoke to her about it. As you well know, being asked to have sex does not imply an urgent need for it, for YOU. It turns it into a chore.
That would be where I would start with him. But be careful not to open the flood gates and make a dozen demands on him in a short period. Change takes time, so allow him the time to gradually ease into a new way of approaching things.
I believe you can do this, and be the catalyst for the changes you want in your marriage - but only if you truly want it (I think you do, otherwise you wouldn't be here) and only if you're willing to have some patience. My ex wife didn't. She decided life was boring, and it was my fault, her job's fault, everybody's fault but her own. The easiest way out is to scrap everything and start again. But taking the easy way out is for weak people, and causes a lot of pain to those that don't deserve it. My ex wife left a trail of destruction behind her, and not just to me. Your husband sounds like a good man, and is a parent to one of your kids. He deserves your patience and the chance to be the man he almost certainly wants to be in your eyes.