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post #136 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 07:42 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I am 50 and post menopausal, he is 56. We both had previous marriages that were sexless plus other issues. We just happen to connect really well inside and outside of the bedroom, we have matching drives and matching styles of sex.

He is lucky he is so good at what he does, it counter balances the times I want to kill him
I am so happy to hear that sex doesn't slow down after meno pause. This is the next thing I was dreading and haven't really started preparing myself for yet.
I read somewhere that hormone levels after menopause are supposed to be similar to when the woman is breastfeeding (that's the time when our sex life was practically 0 and when porn saved the day for me. Otherwise I am pretty sure I would have lost my mind.)

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post #137 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I am so happy to hear that sex doesn't slow down after meno pause. This is the next thing I was dreading and haven't really started preparing myself for yet.
I read somewhere that hormone levels after menopause are supposed to be similar to when the woman is breastfeeding (that's the time when our sex life was practically 0 and when porn saved the day for me. Otherwise I am pretty sure I would have lost my mind.)
If you both want to start preparing for sex life after menopause then this is what worked for me.... I am a vegetarian and have been my whole adult life, turns out that there are some foods that many veggos consume in quantities that help with menopause. Tofu, seeds, nuts etc. Having a good diet has really helped at this stage of my life, menopause was quite easy for me. Too late to improve the diet as menopause hits, it needs to be a life long lifestyle.

Next part is that he is a great guy and I desire him. Be the man your wife desires and your sex life won't change.

We do not use lube (except for anal of course) and again I am sure that is due to my good diet.

We plan on having sex for a long time yet
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post #138 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 12:10 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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...Someone mentioned they liked 'mild choking' . I cant think of anything worse...
Yeah that one made me do a double-take too. That would freak me the hell out and would in NO way be a turn on. I love a confident masculine man - but no serial killer fantasies here...
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post #139 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 04:01 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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If you research anal/rectal cancer it does I fact warn that a lot of anal sex, especially with multiple partners, can increase the risks of cancer developing. That's all I need to know. Mine is an exit only. When my partner let's me put something in his backside, I'll consider it. (Which is not going to happen.)

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LOL that made me laugh.
For us anal sex is a no no, having had small pessaries inserted at various times in hospital, I know that it hurt, and was so uncomfortable and that was SMALL.
I dont see the point when we have a vagina that is specifically designed for the penis and good and enjoyable sex. I think that widespread porn use has caused more people to think of anal sex.
As my husband says, 'why would I want poo all over me?' Quite agree.
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post #140 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 04:05 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Yeah that one made me do a double-take too. That would freak me the hell out and would in NO way be a turn on. I love a confident masculine man - but no serial killer fantasies here...
Another issue with that is if the couple broke up, if she was angry/vengeful, she could go to the police and claim he was violent with her and tried to choke her many times. Good luck to him trying to claim it was in sex and that she enjoyed it.

If I was with a man who wanted to do this I would run a mile never to look back. I couldn't have any respect for a violent man.
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post #141 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 04:08 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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If you both want to start preparing for sex life after menopause then this is what worked for me.... I am a vegetarian and have been my whole adult life, turns out that there are some foods that many veggos consume in quantities that help with menopause. Tofu, seeds, nuts etc. Having a good diet has really helped at this stage of my life, menopause was quite easy for me. Too late to improve the diet as menopause hits, it needs to be a life long lifestyle.

Next part is that he is a great guy and I desire him. Be the man your wife desires and your sex life won't change.

We do not use lube (except for anal of course) and again I am sure that is due to my good diet.

We plan on having sex for a long time yet
You are very fortunate, some women suffer terribly in the menopause.
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post #142 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 04:48 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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LOL that made me laugh.
For us anal sex is a no no, having had small pessaries inserted at various times in hospital, I know that it hurt, and was so uncomfortable and that was SMALL.
I dont see the point when we have a vagina that is specifically designed for the penis and good and enjoyable sex. I think that widespread porn use has caused more people to think of anal sex.
As my husband says, 'why would I want poo all over me?' Quite agree.
I'm going to compile a list for all the hilarious things that porn gets a blame on Porn is the witch of the modern day, blamed for all of women's insecurities. It's obviously the other way around: anal sex exists in porn because there is high demand for people wanting to watch it (probably because the wife won't let them do it - which is fair enough).

The reason people like anal is that it provides a different sensation. It is not painful if you take time to get the area warmed up & prepared. It's also not messy, usually. And the easiest thing to make sure it's not messy is to use a small enema or douche beforehand.
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post #143 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 05:01 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Another issue with that is if the couple broke up, if she was angry/vengeful, she could go to the police and claim he was violent with her and tried to choke her many times. Good luck to him trying to claim it was in sex and that she enjoyed it.

If I was with a man who wanted to do this I would run a mile never to look back. I couldn't have any respect for a violent man.
Actually...most of the time it's the woman who is 'thrilled' by the idea that her lover not only has full control over her sexual pleasure but also, potentially, over her life, in that orgasmic moment. The French call the orgasm a "small death". Imagine the amount of trust that goes into this if the woman was still to enjoy it. I'm sure @Keke24 has a better take on it.

I have never tried actually choking anyone but I noticed many times that whenever I placed my hand on my wife's neck (first time was by chance, in the spare of the moment during sex) and hold it relatively tightly, she squeals from pleasure. Same if I cover her face with my palm so that she can hardly breathe (the second time, it wasn't ME who put the hand there...).

It's really difficult to please you women. The balance between a 'great lover' and 'running away from serial killer' seems a tight one to master The demand for adventure and pushing the boundaries is definitely not imagined by us males (nor spread like infection from porn). It's a real thing.

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post #144 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 05:35 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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You are very fortunate, some women suffer terribly in the menopause.
Can I ask more about it? What normally happens?
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post #145 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:39 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I'm going to compile a list for all the hilarious things that porn gets a blame on Porn is the witch of the modern day, blamed for all of women's insecurities. It's obviously the other way around: anal sex exists in porn because there is high demand for people wanting to watch it (probably because the wife won't let them do it - which is fair enough).

The reason people like anal is that it provides a different sensation. It is not painful if you take time to get the area warmed up & prepared. It's also not messy, usually. And the easiest thing to make sure it's not messy is to use a small enema or douche beforehand.
You are very naive if you think that porn isnt responsible for many evils and marriage break ups today.

I am very thankful that my husband is as averse to anal sex as I am.

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post #146 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:42 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Can I ask more about it? What normally happens?
Often heavy and irregular bleeding, terrible hot flushes, depression, mood swings, lethargy and tiredness, memory loss, loss of libido, dry vagina, skin and hair loosing condition etc.
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post #147 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:49 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Actually...most of the time it's the woman who is 'thrilled' by the idea that her lover not only has full control over her sexual pleasure but also, potentially, over her life, in that orgasmic moment. The French call the orgasm a "small death". Imagine the amount of trust that goes into this if the woman was still to enjoy it. I'm sure @Keke24 has a better take on it.

I have never tried actually choking anyone but I noticed many times that whenever I placed my hand on my wife's neck (first time was by chance, in the spare of the moment during sex) and hold it relatively tightly, she squeals from pleasure. Same if I cover her face with my palm so that she can hardly breathe (the second time, it wasn't ME who put the hand there...).

It's really difficult to please you women. The balance between a 'great lover' and 'running away from serial killer' seems a tight one to master The demand for adventure and pushing the boundaries is definitely not imagined by us males (nor spread like infection from porn). It's a real thing.
Well women are all different just as men are. The secret is to be with a woman who you know and love and work together to create a good sex life.What does it matter what other women want?

I wouldn't enjoy sex with a man who I didn't love and who didn't love me. Nor one who wasnt prepared to commit. Nor one who was violent, nor one who looked at porn, nor one who had had many partners before me and saw sex as some sort of casual arrangement.
I find a man of integrity and faithfulness and good moral values so attractive and appealing. I love and want to please him more because of the way he treats me and his respect for women generally.Because I know that sex is us and us alone.
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post #148 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 07:07 AM
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Cool Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

I would think that the consummate lover is one who foremostly and unselfishly places the focus on their partners sexual desires and pleasure, all in the heat of the moment, and can conversely become their partners equal sexual focus when it's time to do so!

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post #149 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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You are very naive if you think that porn isnt responsible for many evils and marriage break ups today.

I am very thankful that my husband is as averse to anal sex as I am.
I didn't say it is never responsible. But in many cases, porn is as responsible for a break up of the marriage as a surgeon is responsible for the death of an already critically ill patient.
I don't think it's naive to think that the ultimate truth is usually much more complicated than a simple 'porn is evil' attitude.
But I think I made this point way too many times.
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post #150 of 153 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:36 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

The trick is to please a woman, not women.

Different women (and men) like very different things so there are almost no general rules.



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It's really difficult to please you women.
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