Ladies, What is a "good lover" ? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

User Tag List

 264Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #76 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:18 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UMP View Post
It's all about education. In my opinion, regardless of whether I am currently good or bad in bed, I can assure you that I can always be better. Educating myself is key to that success. My wife is not very vocal about what she likes or does not like. In fact, I don't think she knows herself. It's up to me to learn, apply and evaluate (with her).

Nothing like TAM for a REAL sex education.
While it is an interesting discussion (and no one enjoys discussion about sex more than me ) I still don't see how educating yourself in what other women think is a good lover is going to help you unless you can have a discussion with your wife to find out what she likes and then apply this education to improving the skills to suit what she wants in a lover.

eg I love it when MrH surprises me and comes home in role play gear and then dominates me. I enjoy giving him NSA BJ's or having anal which is mostly for his benefit. Even though I am the giver in these instances I view all of this as part of him being a good lover as he knows me well enough to help me indulge in the things I really enjoy. The only part of any of this that could be considered educational is the simple mantra of "communicate and know your partner so well that it all comes naturally".

Now if your wife really loved role play or anal and you already knew this, a technical education can then be sought. Until you know what she wants then a discussion with online randoms won't be of much benefit.

I could ask men what makes a woman a good lover but it is irrelevant because the only man that I care about is my partner. The rest is just talking about sex in general which is of course a worthwhile past time.

MrsHolland is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #77 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 12:18 AM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 11,045
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
The rest is just talking about sex in general which is of course a worthwhile past time.
I agreed with your whole post....except this part.


Talking about sex in general will always be my past time.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #78 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I agreed with your whole post....except this part.


Talking about sex in general will always be my past time.
I said it is a worthwhile past time, I think we agree. Can you explain what part of that statement you disagree with?
MrsHolland is offline  
 
post #79 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:23 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 3,204
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UMP View Post
A question for the ladies,

In your circle of conversation when you say "he's terrible in bed" or "he's great in bed", what exactly do you mean by this?

Physically speaking, what makes for a great lover? (let's assume he has the emotional aspect down.)

What makes for a bad lover?
A good lover: someone who cares about who they are making love to and shows it, passionate, tender, giving, in control when needed, knows how to turn me on, enjoys foreplay, doesn't make it all about him.

A bad lover: someone who doesn't know what he is doing, only concerned about his own satisfaction, no foreplay, only interested in getting to the end
aine is offline  
post #80 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:24 AM
Member
 
inmyprime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London
Posts: 1,294
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
While it is an interesting discussion (and no one enjoys discussion about sex more than me ) I still don't see how educating yourself in what other women think is a good lover is going to help you unless you can have a discussion with your wife to find out what she likes and then apply this education to improving the skills to suit what she wants in a lover.

eg I love it when MrH surprises me and comes home in role play gear and then dominates me. I enjoy giving him NSA BJ's or having anal which is mostly for his benefit. Even though I am the giver in these instances I view all of this as part of him being a good lover as he knows me well enough to help me indulge in the things I really enjoy. The only part of any of this that could be considered educational is the simple mantra of "communicate and know your partner so well that it all comes naturally".

Now if your wife really loved role play or anal and you already knew this, a technical education can then be sought. Until you know what she wants then a discussion with online randoms won't be of much benefit.

I could ask men what makes a woman a good lover but it is irrelevant because the only man that I care about is my partner. The rest is just talking about sex in general which is of course a worthwhile past time.
Many women (including my wife) are too shy to express their sexual fantasies verbally so it sometimes takes trial & error to find out in which direction to take things. Even then, variety is also required within a certain 'genre' so it actually does help men understand women's psychology better (not to mention techniques) by reading personal experiences. Sex seems often more 'psychological' to women which is a concept that is much more difficult to grasp for men.

Anal is a bit of a mystery to me: it's difficult to imagine that the penetrative act itself can be pleasurable for a woman (although I think on a few occasions my wife enjoyed the kinkiness & 'punishment' element of it more than anything else about it). But it definitely does sometimes increase or change intensity of orgasm when something is 'up' there (but not moving vigorously). Plus there are nerve endings on the outside. Are there women who actually enjoy the sensation of PIA? Maybe I am not doing it right. I know it takes forever to 'warm up' the area. Role play, she definitely likes.

PS: sorry to be dense but what is an NSA BJ? It's not a blowjob of national security I gathered so much.
inmyprime is offline  
post #81 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:36 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Many women (including my wife) are too shy to express their sexual fantasies verbally so it sometimes takes trial & error to find out in which direction to take things. Even then, variety is also required within a certain 'genre' so it actually does help men understand women's psychology better (not to mention techniques) by reading personal experiences. Sex seems often more 'psychological' to women which is a concept that is much more difficult to grasp for men.

Anal is a bit of a mystery to me: it's difficult to imagine that the penetrative act itself can be pleasurable for a woman (although I think on a few occasions my wife enjoyed the kinkiness & 'punishment' element of it more than anything else about it). But it definitely does sometimes increase or change intensity of orgasm when something is 'up' there (but not moving vigorously). Plus there are nerve endings on the outside. Are there women who actually enjoy the sensation of PIA? Maybe I am not doing it right. I know it takes forever to 'warm up' the area. Role play, she definitely likes.

PS: sorry to be dense but what is an NSA BJ? It's not a blowjob of national security I gathered so much.


No Strings Attached Blow Job. Meaning nothing in return and I mean nothing. He used to try to give me mine but there is something about the NSA part that thrills me. It did take some time for him to understand just how much I like doing this but bc he is an amazing lover he listened to me and accepted my desire even if he does not understand it. That is a what a great lover does.
MrsHolland is offline  
post #82 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:45 AM
Member
 
inmyprime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London
Posts: 1,294
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post


No Strings Attached Blow Job. Meaning nothing in return and I mean nothing. He used to try to give me mine but there is something about the NSA part that thrills me. It did take some time for him to understand just how much I like doing this but bc he is an amazing lover he listened to me and accepted my desire even if he does not understand it. That is a what a great lover does.
Oh wow. It's good to know that it's a genuine 'thing'. I always felt guilty and somewhat incompetent (at not being able to arouse my wife enough for her to also want to come). But what confused me was the fact that she was highly aroused and still wanted to perform the NSA BJ thing on occasion. I thought it was just a 'polite' way to get me off her back (or front).
inmyprime is offline  
post #83 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:10 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Oh wow. It's good to know that it's a genuine 'thing'. I always felt guilty and somewhat incompetent (at not being able to arouse my wife enough for her to also want to come). But what confused me was the fact that she was highly aroused and still wanted to perform the NSA BJ thing on occasion. I thought it was just a 'polite' way to get me off her back (or front).
Oh God no. Well I obviously cannot speak for anyone else but in my world the NSA BJ is a big sexual thrill. It is extremely arousing but let's put it into context... he is the best lover I have ever had, he is giving, sensual, plays hard and we have sex at least every day (more sometimes depending on life and how many of our 5 teens are at home or whatever else life throws at us). Our sex life is 10/10 at a minimum often I would say it is more than 10/10 so I am safe and free to give NSA types of sex because I am very much fulfilled with our sex life and I am very content in the knowledge that I will and do get what I want out of it. Part of what I want is a bit of a power play, to see and hear him weak at the knees is a power trip.

Just ask your wife why she gives NSA BJ's, I hope the answer is similar to mine, if it is you must be worth it to her.

Going back to my earlier question to the OP, I was eluding to the idea that if someone has to ask what a good lover is then perhaps the question has more to do with them wanting to know if they are good or not. For me it is about the reflection and response you get back. I give a lot to my man because he is a good lover, he gives me a huge amount not just because he loves sex but because I am a good lover, I know that. We also give each other a lot outside the bedroom because we are fulfilled in the bedroom. As stupid as it sounds I love ironing his business shirts, I stand there day dreaming about having sex with him while I iron them, when he sees his wardrobe full of clean ironed shirts I tell him that they are there bc he is an exceptional lover, yes I'm a whack job
MrsHolland is offline  
post #84 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:17 AM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 11,045
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
I said it is a worthwhile past time, I think we agree. Can you explain what part of that statement you disagree with?
Oh! So sorry, I misread it, thought it said is NOT a worthwhile past time. Yes, we do agree.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #85 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:23 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Oh! So sorry, I misread it, thought it said is NOT a worthwhile past time. Yes, we do agree.
Oh dear, I am offended now. Have you slept through all my boring drivel about how amazing my sex life is? Yes talking about sex is a worthwhile past time

MrsHolland is offline  
post #86 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:24 AM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 11,045
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Anal is a bit of a mystery to me: it's difficult to imagine that the penetrative act itself can be pleasurable for a woman (although I think on a few occasions my wife enjoyed the kinkiness & 'punishment' element of it more than anything else about it). But it definitely does sometimes increase or change intensity of orgasm when something is 'up' there (but not moving vigorously). Plus there are nerve endings on the outside. Are there women who actually enjoy the sensation of PIA?
If a woman (or man) is really intent on being able to get into it (receiving), then what happens is that you eventually learn how to relax in such a way that it doesn't hurt. At first this is incredibly difficult, then it gets a little easier and a little easier....until something in your brain snaps and your body suddenly responds by relaxing instead of by tightening when the event approaches.

When you get to that point, then yes it can be pleasurable and can even cause O's. For me, the only lover I've ever done this with, we had incredibly deep intimacy all of the time anyway, but this particular act was somehow even more intimate. The intimacy combined with the pleasure was incredible.

If he and I were not so close and intimate I never would have gone there.

It was nothing like in porn where some poor soul is just getting their ass pounded. Gross.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #87 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:28 AM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 11,045
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHolland View Post
Oh dear, I am offended now. Have you slept through all my boring drivel about how amazing my sex life is? Yes talking about sex is a worthwhile past time
I was confused when I read it and didn't think it sounded right....but my eyes are getting so bad lately, ugh! I should have re-read it. Derp!

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #88 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:34 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 847
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
If a woman (or man) is really intent on being able to get into it (receiving), then what happens is that you eventually learn how to relax in such a way that it doesn't hurt. At first this is incredibly difficult, then it gets a little easier and a little easier....until something in your brain snaps and your body suddenly responds by relaxing instead of by tightening when the event approaches.

When you get to that point, then yes it can be pleasurable and can even cause O's. For me, the only lover I've ever done this with, we had incredibly deep intimacy all of the time anyway, but this particular act was somehow even more intimate. The intimacy combined with the pleasure was incredible.

If he and I were not so close and intimate I never would have gone there.

It was nothing like in porn where some poor soul is just getting their ass pounded. Gross.
Real life anal is nothing like porn IME. Oh those poor young folk who think porn is real.

I talk to my kids about reality v's porn. They can block their ears and go la la la all they want but I have to let them know that porn is fiction. I am just glad I entered my sexual years pre internet porn and know that what is portrayed on screen is not how it is in real life.
MrsHolland is offline  
post #89 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:43 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,916
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Some women really enjoy anal. Combined with other stimulation, anal (usually toy or finger), is the quickest way for my wife to O. We don't do it often, but its an occasional thing she likes. During some of our active times, we did do PIA and she very much enjoyed it - even the first time we tried.

Of course many men enjoy this as well - though many straight men are worried that it is "gay".

I think its something that many women will never enjoy and that's fine, there are plenty of other things to do.



Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
snipo

Anal is a bit of a mystery to me: it's difficult to imagine that the penetrative act itself can be pleasurable for a woman (although I think on a few occasions my wife enjoyed the kinkiness & 'punishment' element of it more than anything else about it). But it definitely does sometimes increase or change intensity of orgasm when something is 'up' there (but not moving vigorously). Plus there are nerve endings on the outside. Are there women who actually enjoy the sensation of PIA? Maybe I am not doing it right. I know it takes forever to 'warm up' the area. Role play, she definitely likes.

PS: sorry to be dense but what is an NSA BJ? It's not a blowjob of national security I gathered so much.
uhtred is offline  
post #90 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 10:46 AM
Member
 
inmyprime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London
Posts: 1,294
Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Some women really enjoy anal. Combined with other stimulation, anal (usually toy or finger), is the quickest way for my wife to O. We don't do it often, but its an occasional thing she likes. During some of our active times, we did do PIA and she very much enjoyed it - even the first time we tried.

Of course many men enjoy this as well - though many straight men are worried that it is "gay".

I think its something that many women will never enjoy and that's fine, there are plenty of other things to do.
I personally find PIA a little overrated. At first, it feels great & tight but after a short while there's actually less 'grip' and friction for it to be as consistently enjoyable as PIV. I do like the idea of it and the fact that it's 'forbidden' but to be fair, it wasn't exactly designed for it...

As per your first para, I found the same (quicker orgasms for her through anal play). I was surprised since biologically why this should be the case, it doesn't really make a lot of sense (no nerves inside, no prostate gland either, as far as I know and wondered if it's more of a psychological thing.
Are there actually women who can come from PIA only? (no touching other stuff, that's cheating
inmyprime is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ladies, would you be ok with being the primary breadwinner in your marriage? EleGirl The Ladies' Lounge 112 05-26-2017 11:30 AM
Ladies, this question is for you LucasJackson General Relationship Discussion 33 09-04-2016 11:18 PM
Another Question for the Ladies karole The Ladies' Lounge 8 08-19-2016 02:27 AM
Serious question for you ladies Ynot The Ladies' Lounge 21 04-25-2016 06:04 PM
Ladies, how to handle situation? CuddleBug The Ladies' Lounge 60 04-24-2016 12:10 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome