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post #91 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 10:55 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Real life anal is nothing like porn IME. Oh those poor young folk who think porn is real.

I talk to my kids about reality v's porn. They can block their ears and go la la la all they want but I have to let them know that porn is fiction. I am just glad I entered my sexual years pre internet porn and know that what is portrayed on screen is not how it is in real life.
Not Porn again...While I agree that one shouldn't base ones expectations on what's on screen (that applies to Hollywood movies too) and be humble and not closed minded as a person in general, you might be surprised what some women are actually into (even here on TAM; perhaps worth it going back a few posts?). There is a sense of 'controlled' degradation and full submission that some enjoy with their partner (where 100% of trust is needed). This doesn't mean that this kind of treatment (some call it 'disrespect') is ever taken outside of bedroom, just that love finds many ways to express itself. Plus not all porn is 'mindless pounding' and I prefer not to use blanket generalisations (I know it is popular to do otherwise but I will keep trying). Just like there are rubbish H movies there are also plenty of rubbish porn movies (possibly more so, since guys are not necessarily always need to be that discernible in order to achieve an O).

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post #92 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 11:23 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Some women really enjoy anal. Combined with other stimulation, anal (usually toy or finger), is the quickest way for my wife to O. We don't do it often, but its an occasional thing she likes. During some of our active times, we did do PIA and she very much enjoyed it - even the first time we tried.

Of course many men enjoy this as well - though many straight men are worried that it is "gay".

I think its something that many women will never enjoy and that's fine, there are plenty of other things to do.
Anal sex can damage the anus and cause issues later on life, such as leaking etc The muscles are designed to expel waste, not take in something, they go all the wrong way for that which is why they can get damaged.
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post #93 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 11:31 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

I think that for me, just being confident in what you're doing is a big hit! Willingness to try different positions and different things makes a good lover. And just having a general knowledge of how to move your own body. For me, my H doesn't touch on any of these; he's not overly confident, and really is only comfortable in 2-3 positions. There are things that I love, but he's not willing to try, and he's not able to move his hips, so when he's on top, and trying to move quickly, he kind of bounces his entire torso, bending his arms, which makes me giggle because it looks like he's doing pushups. :-D If we do stay together, this is something that will NEED to change, like 180 degrees.
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post #94 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 11:37 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Some women really enjoy anal. Combined with other stimulation, anal (usually toy or finger), is the quickest way for my wife to O. We don't do it often, but its an occasional thing she likes. During some of our active times, we did do PIA and she very much enjoyed it - even the first time we tried.

Of course many men enjoy this as well - though many straight men are worried that it is "gay".

I think its something that many women will never enjoy and that's fine, there are plenty of other things to do.
My partner is one of those who felt it was gay. There's some serious homophobia in this country.

I have not yet been able to cum through anal but I can see why it's the quickest way for your wife. The sensation is like nothing else I've experienced. It's a different kind of "filling" feeling. There's so much going on I have a hard time figuring out which sensation to focus on: the d*ck in my vagina or his fingers/the toy in my *ss. I'm turned on just thinking about it!
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post #95 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 11:40 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Holy ****, I'm officially jealous. Sex lives like this actually EXIST?!? I've had some pretty fantastic partners in the past, but can barely remember what that was like, and of course, I wasn't married to any of them. Jesus Murphy, mind blown.


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Oh God no. Well I obviously cannot speak for anyone else but in my world the NSA BJ is a big sexual thrill. It is extremely arousing but let's put it into context... he is the best lover I have ever had, he is giving, sensual, plays hard and we have sex at least every day (more sometimes depending on life and how many of our 5 teens are at home or whatever else life throws at us). Our sex life is 10/10 at a minimum often I would say it is more than 10/10 so I am safe and free to give NSA types of sex because I am very much fulfilled with our sex life and I am very content in the knowledge that I will and do get what I want out of it. Part of what I want is a bit of a power play, to see and hear him weak at the knees is a power trip.

Going back to my earlier question to the OP, I was eluding to the idea that if someone has to ask what a good lover is then perhaps the question has more to do with them wanting to know if they are good or not. For me it is about the reflection and response you get back. I give a lot to my man because he is a good lover, he gives me a huge amount not just because he loves sex but because I am a good lover, I know that. We also give each other a lot outside the bedroom because we are fulfilled in the bedroom. As stupid as it sounds I love ironing his business shirts, I stand there day dreaming about having sex with him while I iron them, when he sees his wardrobe full of clean ironed shirts I tell him that they are there bc he is an exceptional lover, yes I'm a whack job
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post #96 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I talk to my kids about reality v's porn.
I was thinking about this. Since having kids also makes me think a lot about the kind of values I want to teach them and I am not sure if they will be able to get the 'full picture' if they stick to romance novels and stories about honourable princes etc...What if their future girlfriend decides to enjoy an occasional escapade into the land of playing a 'dirty little slvt'? Will they be overwhelmed by it or will they be able to figure it out and give her a much needed regular spanking that she might crave for now and again?? Or will they have no clue and watch her leave to another, more 'clued up' guy because of the 'proper' upbringing and closing their eyes to the real world.
It's all good and dandy to dismiss porn but unfortunately (or fortunately) life has many more sides to it than what we would like it to be. I am sure there are better ways to learn this stuff but it is good to be at least aware of the diversity of sexual experiences that are portrayed through so many different kinds of pornographic material out there.
Or maybe I will just give my son a table tennis bat for his 16th birthday and hope for the best...
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post #97 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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As stupid as it sounds I love ironing his business shirts, I stand there day dreaming about having sex with him while I iron them, when he sees his wardrobe full of clean ironed shirts I tell him that they are there bc he is an exceptional lover, yes I'm a whack job
Whatever gets the ironing done, is the most important thing, I say!
Only joking. Can I ask what age level you both are? Sex every day would be a dream for me (we are in mid thirties), it's currently every 2-3 days and I am still very happy. I notice my wife's drive is increasing with age. I haven't noticed mine slowing down yet. I can't wait for the time when our 'drives' finally meet in the middle, when the kids are a little older and we finally get some alone time to be at it like horny bunnies.
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post #98 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I personally find PIA a little overrated. At first, it feels great & tight but after a short while there's actually less 'grip' and friction for it to be as consistently enjoyable as PIV. I do like the idea of it and the fact that it's 'forbidden' but to be fair, it wasn't exactly designed for it...

As per your first para, I found the same (quicker orgasms for her through anal play). I was surprised since biologically why this should be the case, it doesn't really make a lot of sense (no nerves inside, no prostate gland either, as far as I know and wondered if it's more of a psychological thing.
Are there actually women who can come from PIA only? (no touching other stuff, that's cheating
There are a LOT of nerve ending back there, but just at the point of entry, not inside. Also, the full clitoral muscle does extend all the way to the anus, so that may have something to do with it.

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Anal sex can damage the anus and cause issues later on life, such as leaking etc The muscles are designed to expel waste, not take in something, they go all the wrong way for that which is why they can get damaged.
Actually, no. Studies show that permanent and/or long-term damage/injury from anal sex is very rare, and even less likely if you practice it safely (slowly and with sufficient lube).

You're repeating scare-tactic propaganda.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #99 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:02 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

That always seemed strange to me. I'm pretty sure that oral sex is more common among gay men than is anal, but oral is considered completely normal for straight men but (receptive) anal is gay. (???)

Its fine for anyone not to want to engage in any sex act, its just a strange label.

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My partner is one of those who felt it was gay. There's some serious homophobia in this country.

snip
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post #100 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

It is possible to do damage if its done incorrectly, but there are a lot of people who do it regularly without any problems.


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Anal sex can damage the anus and cause issues later on life, such as leaking etc The muscles are designed to expel waste, not take in something, they go all the wrong way for that which is why they can get damaged.


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post #101 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:13 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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That always seemed strange to me. I'm pretty sure that oral sex is more common among gay men than is anal, but oral is considered completely normal for straight men but (receptive) anal is gay. (???)

Its fine for anyone not to want to engage in any sex act, its just a strange label.
It's nothing I will even attempt to understand but over here, anal is a no-no and so is men giving oral. It's been a big adjustment having to tip toe around men's egos over here. Friends (men and women) will absolutely shun their male friends if it is found out that he gives his woman oral pleasure. Of course this is considered outrageous among the more educated but no one dares speak out about it.
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post #102 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:13 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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It's nothing I will even attempt to understand but over here, anal is a no-no and so is men giving oral. It's been a big adjustment having to tip toe around men's egos over here. Friends (men and women) will absolutely shun their male friends if it is found out that he gives his woman oral pleasure. Of course this is considered outrageous among the more educated but no one dares speak out about it.
My guy really dislikes giving oral, so that's off the table. Initially, I was disappointed, but I've found he's so good at everything else and is so focused on taking care of my needs, that it's a trade-off I'm willing to make.

On an individual scale, I get it, some guys just don't like doing it. But an entire cultural bias against it makes me sad for all the women of your country.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #103 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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It's nothing I will even attempt to understand but over here, anal is a no-no and so is men giving oral. It's been a big adjustment having to tip toe around men's egos over here. Friends (men and women) will absolutely shun their male friends if it is found out that he gives his woman oral pleasure. Of course this is considered outrageous among the more educated but no one dares speak out about it.
WTF!!!!????!?

I'm tempted to move there and start a sexual revolution!

What country?
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post #104 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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My guy really dislikes giving oral, so that's off the table. Initially, I was disappointed, but I've found he's so good at everything else and is so focused on taking care of my needs, that it's a trade-off I'm willing to make.

On an individual scale, I get it, some guys just don't like doing it. But an entire cultural bias against it makes me sad for all the women of your country.
I will never get it.

I have never been turned down for getting some south in my mouth!

I can't picture sex without it!
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post #105 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I will never get it.

I have never been turned down for getting some south in my mouth!

I can't picture sex without it!
I have dated other guys who didn't like giving oral. I don't get it, either. Those other guys weren't worth not having oral as part of the repertoire.

My guy has some interesting hang-ups/things. I'm sure there's a reason behind this, he just hasn't told me what it is yet. He LOVES getting it, but he will NOT give it.

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