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post #121 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:30 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Not at all, it happens but isn't talked about much. The anus just isnt designed for anything to be inserted. Its damages the muscles.
You sound very convinced. Are you speaking from experience? What happened?

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post #122 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:45 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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There are a LOT of nerve ending back there, but just at the point of entry, not inside. Also, the full clitoral muscle does extend all the way to the anus, so that may have something to do with it.
Whoa, I didn't know that. So the legends are true...(that the clitoris is like the Pando tree: with the largest underground root system).

Btw I noticed that my wife can have two separate orgasms in relatively quick succession. It's usually from oral the first time and then from PIV the second time. However I don't think she can have a second one from oral (as it then feels too sensitive). I never quite understood: are the g spot and clit totally independent from each other or somehow connected? She doesn't seem to like having two sensations at the same time (she prefers to focus on one at a time).

Orgasm from PIV didn't use to be possible before we had kids for some reason (or maybe becuase she was younger: I am not sure). However nowadays it seems fairly straightforward. Orgasm from oral requires a little more 'mind' games and getting her into the zone.

I realise it's probably different for every woman but I was wondering whether it was deliberately 'designed' that way by evolution (to come from two separate places) to maximise pleasure, in case males were too quick or 'missed' the aim or something else. Seems kind of unfair :-) (2 pleasures vs 1 for males).
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post #123 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:01 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Huh, neither H or I do the oral thing. I personally hate doing it, but will do it to please my man from time to time. It depends though, with the right person it can be kind of nice. H doesn't know what he's doing down there, so when he's given it in the past, I've found that it does nothing for me, so we've just stopped oral completely.
I can understand that. If someone decided to write a manual on how to perform oral properly, the literature would be the size of War & Peace. It can be very confusing down there...

I have been with my wife since we were 15-16 so neither of us knew what the hell we were doing but we had lots of time and little inhibitions to try and not feel too self-conscious when messing up.
We hardly had PIV in the first 10 years of our relationship actually (it was mostly oral because orgasms from PIV alone were rare).

I would say that clitoral/oral orgasms are more psychological: it seems to happen more often when I get her in the right zone either through role play, dirty talk or games. While the g spot O/PIV is more mechanical (one just has to be relatively steady/rhythmical and build it up properly).
But everyone's mileage will differ I am sure. Oral somehow always felt more intimate, 'up close and personal'. Though I couldn't chose one over the other: it has to be both (not necessarily in one session).
But I am told while both ways can result in very strong orgasms, they do differ apparently (I think the g spot O can last longer, if I am not mistaken, while oral O is more similar to the male orgasm: a strong but quick burst).

Does this sound about right?

Last edited by inmyprime; 01-31-2017 at 06:08 PM.
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post #124 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:07 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

I read War and Peace I'm very talented at oral.

Correlation? 😉😁
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post #125 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:28 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I couldn't look people in the eyes, either, until I was in my early 20's. For me, it was a confidence thing. Not that I had NONE, just that I felt overly conscious about it.

I was like that until somebody pointed it out to me, and I decided then and there that I'd make the effort to change, and I did.

A good trick that somebody told me is to look at the space between somebody's eyes when you're talking to them. This avoids your own eyes going back and forth, or making you look c0ck-eyed.

It was surprisingly easy to do, and I noticed very quickly that people were more comfortable with me in general, not just in speaking with me. Now I TOTALLY notice when somebody doesn't look me in the eyes when speaking, and I find it terribly awkward.

I also had a very limp handshake (which, as a man, is noticeable). At the same time, I made the effort to give a firm handshake, and the difference it made was noticeable, as well. It commands a certain respect, both things, and people tend to react accordingly. Just don't over-do either. As a smaller man (I'm 5'7"), you're already at a certain disadvantage before you even open your mouth, meaning that most people have already started to judge you. Small, quiet and shy = weak. Small, loud and brash = over-compensating. The trick is to balance every thing.

The worst, though, is the people who look you up and down while speaking to you. Hate that. And those that try to rip your arm off when they shake your hand.
I forgot to say that these tips are actually very helpful. I will try looking in the space between the eyes: just worry it might make me look kinda cross-eyed in the process...I dunno what it is about looking people in the eyes; maybe I worry I might exchange 'souls' with them. I tend to always look away when I talk to someone which must be irritating for the other person.
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post #126 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Whoa, I didn't know that. So the legends are true...(that the clitoris is like the Pando tree: with the largest underground root system).

Btw I noticed that my wife can have two separate orgasms in relatively quick succession. It's usually from oral the first time and then from PIV the second time. However I don't think she can have a second one from oral (as it then feels too sensitive). I never quite understood: are the g spot and clit totally independent from each other or somehow connected? She doesn't seem to like having two sensations at the same time (she prefers to focus on one at a time).

Orgasm from PIV didn't use to be possible before we had kids for some reason (or maybe becuase she was younger: I am not sure). However nowadays it seems fairly straightforward. Orgasm from oral requires a little more 'mind' games and getting her into the zone.

I realise it's probably different for every woman but I was wondering whether it was deliberately 'designed' that way by evolution (to come from two separate places) to maximise pleasure, in case males were too quick or 'missed' the aim or something else. Seems kind of unfair :-) (2 pleasures vs 1 for males).
Yeah, that's a pretty good analogy. The g-spot and the clit are connected... actually, the g-spot is part of the clitoral muscle/system.

Here is a great video that shows the structure of the clitoral muscle/system. What we typically think of as the clitoris is really just the tip of the iceberg! (Don't worry, it's not graphic, it's illustrative.) (And I'm sorry it's so big on the screen. I don't know how to make it smaller.)


If you want a more detailed, written explanation, go here.

We really didn't understand the full extent of the clitoral muscle system until the 21st century, because the study of anatomy up until recent years was always focused on male anatomy; the female anatomy was largely ignored by science and the medical community.

While technically the anus and rectum isn't directly connected to the clitoral system, the vaginal wall and the rectum are right next to one another... there isn't anything between them except some of this clitoral muscle. So, if you stimulate the rectal area when a woman is already aroused, that clitoral muscle is gonna feel it.

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post #127 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
I forgot to say that these tips are actually very helpful. I will try looking in the space between the eyes: just worry it might make me look kinda cross-eyed in the process...I dunno what it is about looking people in the eyes; maybe I worry I might exchange 'souls' with them. I tend to always look away when I talk to someone which must be irritating for the other person.
I have found that I look people in the eye too much, and it makes me come across as really intense (or so I've been told). So I've had to train myself to occasionally look away.

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post #128 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
I can understand that. If someone decided to write a manual on how to perform oral properly, the literature would be the size of War & Peace. It can be very confusing down there...

I have been with my wife since we were 15-16 so neither of us knew what the hell we were doing but we had lots of time and little inhibitions to try and not feel too self-conscious when messing up.
We hardly had PIV in the first 10 years of our relationship actually (it was mostly oral because orgasms from PIV alone were rare).

I would say that clitoral/oral orgasms are more psychological: it seems to happen more often when I get her in the right zone either through role play, dirty talk or games. While the g spot O/PIV is more mechanical (one just has to be relatively steady/rhythmical and build it up properly).
But everyone's mileage will differ I am sure. Oral somehow always felt more intimate, 'up close and personal'. Though I couldn't chose one over the other: it has to be both (not necessarily in one session).
But I am told while both ways can result in very strong orgasms, they do differ apparently (I think the g spot O can last longer, if I am not mistaken, while oral O is more similar to the male orgasm: a strong but quick burst).

Does this sound about right?
Here you go: How to Eat Pu$$y

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post #129 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:43 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Not Porn again...While I agree that one shouldn't base ones expectations on what's on screen (that applies to Hollywood movies too) and be humble and not closed minded as a person in general, you might be surprised what some women are actually into (even here on TAM; perhaps worth it going back a few posts?). There is a sense of 'controlled' degradation and full submission that some enjoy with their partner (where 100% of trust is needed). This doesn't mean that this kind of treatment (some call it 'disrespect') is ever taken outside of bedroom, just that love finds many ways to express itself. Plus not all porn is 'mindless pounding' and I prefer not to use blanket generalisations (I know it is popular to do otherwise but I will keep trying). Just like there are rubbish H movies there are also plenty of rubbish porn movies (possibly more so, since guys are not necessarily always need to be that discernible in order to achieve an O).
Huh? I am a very open minded person.
We have porn in our lives.

Do you have teens that are or soon to be sexually active?
I have 5 of them (teens to young adults) and for us it is super important that they have a grip on reality. I have no major issue with porn but it is not reality and while adults can rationalise that, it is different for young kids who are just becoming sexually active.
My ex husband had some serious issues with sex and communication, it is my responsibility as a parent to impart some wisdom and guidance on my kids. I have never said to them that porn is bad but I have said to keep it all in balance and know that most of it is faking and acting.

I am not anti porn but I think it is careless to just accept something that is actually quite a powerful medium without considering the comsequences. A recent survey in Aussie showed that the majority of young people compare their genitalia to what they see in porn and it is causing mental health issues for some and many do not have the capacity or experience to understand the non reality of it all.
Just like many females compare themselves to fashion models that are unnaturally skinny, causing all sorts of eating issues.

You are surely on a bandwagon here, perhaps you should not be so closed minded yourself. People can have a healthy view of porn but still be aware of the issues around it. And there are issues with porn no matter how much you wish to say there aren't.
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post #130 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Yeah, that's a pretty good analogy. The g-spot and the clit are connected... actually, the g-spot is part of the clitoral muscle/system.

Here is a great video that shows the structure of the clitoral muscle/system. What we typically think of as the clitoris is really just the tip of the iceberg! (Don't worry, it's not graphic, it's illustrative.) (And I'm sorry it's so big on the screen. I don't know how to make it smaller.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIbbZ37A7RQ

If you want a more detailed, written explanation, go here.

We really didn't understand the full extent of the clitoral muscle system until the 21st century, because the study of anatomy up until recent years was always focused on male anatomy; the female anatomy was largely ignored by science and the medical community.

While technically the anus and rectum isn't directly connected to the clitoral system, the vaginal wall and the rectum are right next to one another... there isn't anything between them except some of this clitoral muscle. So, if you stimulate the rectal area when a woman is already aroused, that clitoral muscle is gonna feel it.
Yes, that is pretty amazing. (Though she could have done a better job at 'colouring it in' :-)
(I spend too much time with my kids).

I will do some proper 'studying' tomorrow on wife Thanks for the link.

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post #131 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Holy ****, I'm officially jealous. Sex lives like this actually EXIST?!? I've had some pretty fantastic partners in the past, but can barely remember what that was like, and of course, I wasn't married to any of them. Jesus Murphy, mind blown.
My first husband was a dud in bed, 3/10. Took me a long time as he was good at everything else but I eventually sacked his sorry arse and moved on.
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post #132 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I was thinking about this. Since having kids also makes me think a lot about the kind of values I want to teach them and I am not sure if they will be able to get the 'full picture' if they stick to romance novels and stories about honourable princes etc...What if their future girlfriend decides to enjoy an occasional escapade into the land of playing a 'dirty little slvt'? Will they be overwhelmed by it or will they be able to figure it out and give her a much needed regular spanking that she might crave for now and again?? Or will they have no clue and watch her leave to another, more 'clued up' guy because of the 'proper' upbringing and closing their eyes to the real world.
It's all good and dandy to dismiss porn but unfortunately (or fortunately) life has many more sides to it than what we would like it to be. I am sure there are better ways to learn this stuff but it is good to be at least aware of the diversity of sexual experiences that are portrayed through so many different kinds of pornographic material out there.
Or maybe I will just give my son a table tennis bat for his 16th birthday and hope for the best...
I think you completely missed what I was saying. I never said porn is bad, what I said was porn is not reality, not sure what is so confronting about that statement.

I have never read a romance novel in my life, I loathe Hollywood movies.

I am very happy and confident in my parenting and discussing the non reality of porn with them sits well with me. There are plenty of people that get their education via porn and that is not a mentally healthy place to be. I want my kids to have good, solid self esteem and confidence. I have never and would never tell them not to watch porn.

Not sure why you keep saying I am dismissing porn or anti porn????? Seems odd that you have so much invested in your POV on this topic, call others closed minded yet you are the one that seems to be very narrow minded yourself.
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post #133 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 07:04 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Whatever gets the ironing done, is the most important thing, I say!
Only joking. Can I ask what age level you both are? Sex every day would be a dream for me (we are in mid thirties), it's currently every 2-3 days and I am still very happy. I notice my wife's drive is increasing with age. I haven't noticed mine slowing down yet. I can't wait for the time when our 'drives' finally meet in the middle, when the kids are a little older and we finally get some alone time to be at it like horny bunnies.
I am 50 and post menopausal, he is 56. We both had previous marriages that were sexless plus other issues. We just happen to connect really well inside and outside of the bedroom, we have matching drives and matching styles of sex.

He is lucky he is so good at what he does, it counter balances the times I want to kill him
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post #134 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 07:24 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Huh? I am a very open minded person.
We have porn in our lives.

Do you have teens that are or soon to be sexually active?
I have 5 of them (teens to young adults) and for us it is super important that they have a grip on reality. I have no major issue with porn but it is not reality and while adults can rationalise that, it is different for young kids who are just becoming sexually active.
My ex husband had some serious issues with sex and communication, it is my responsibility as a parent to impart some wisdom and guidance on my kids. I have never said to them that porn is bad but I have said to keep it all in balance and know that most of it is faking and acting.
When you put it like this, I don't really disagree with it. I am sure every rational person knows that porn is not 'real" in the sense that people are acting things out.

I was specifically responding to this bit:

"I am just glad I entered my sexual years pre internet porn and know that what is portrayed on screen is not how it is in real life"

My experience was the opposite. The more my sex life progressed (and that of my close friends who shared their experiences with me), the more I was amazed that many women get highly aroused not from what I conventionally though would be the case (romantic & sensual, vanilla sex etc), but how much kink they often bring into the bedroom (as can be clearly seen from this thread). It often even eclipses the 'imagination' of porn writers.
I think I might be talking at cross-purposes: I am not discussing whether the actors in porn movies are real or not or whether they feel the things they are doing (I thought it was a given that everyone understands what 'acting' means. Art is also just a representation of reality. It is not reality itself which doesn't automatically invalidate what art is trying to convey).

I am simply saying when I observe what's being said by women with regards to what turns them on in real life and then compare it to what's often portrayed in porn, the two are really not that dissimilar (and in fact in many instances very similar) and denying the two have nothing to do with each other can simply appear hypocritical on the face of it. I seem to not be able to express myself properly (I never said you or anyone was closed minded: what said was that i agree with you that one shouldn't be closed minded in general) and I can't really see which bandwagon I am supposed to be jumping on since I am currently the only person on that wagon as far as I am aware.

The body image issue is again a separate issue. i don't want to mix all the different things in this discussion because it will continue to obfuscate things. I did say earlier that I think regular advertisement industry does much more harm in this department with its photoshopped bodies (one of the most preferred categories for men seems to be 'amateur porn' where body image is very much secondary).

Last edited by inmyprime; 01-31-2017 at 07:44 PM.
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post #135 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 07:37 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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I think you completely missed what I was saying. I never said porn is bad, what I said was porn is not reality, not sure what is so confronting about that statement.

I have never read a romance novel in my life, I loathe Hollywood movies.

I am very happy and confident in my parenting and discussing the non reality of porn with them sits well with me. There are plenty of people that get their education via porn and that is not a mentally healthy place to be. I want my kids to have good, solid self esteem and confidence. I have never and would never tell them not to watch porn.

Not sure why you keep saying I am dismissing porn or anti porn????? Seems odd that you have so much invested in your POV on this topic, call others closed minded yet you are the one that seems to be very narrow minded yourself.
I didn't call you closed minded. Look, this is what I said precisely: "While I agree that one shouldn't base ones expectations on what's on screen (that applies to Hollywood movies too) and be humble and not closed minded as a person in general,"

I said that I agreed with you that one shouldn't be closed minded. I am not sure how it happens when people latch on to single words without the context of a whole sentence.

Anyway, I agree that I probably misunderstood what you meant by porn vs reality. I don't know anyone who thinks porn is akin to a 'documentary' (aka real people doing real things, rather than acting) but since you meant it this way, I will presume that there might be people who indeed can't tell this difference. I was not referring to those people. I meant that what's being portrayed is not that unrealistic, given the huge diversity in sexual preferences. I hope this distinction is clear?
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