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post #1 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

A question for the ladies,

In your circle of conversation when you say "he's terrible in bed" or "he's great in bed", what exactly do you mean by this?

Physically speaking, what makes for a great lover? (let's assume he has the emotional aspect down.)

What makes for a bad lover?


Last edited by UMP; 01-26-2017 at 01:20 PM.
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post #2 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Confidence!!! Seriously if your switching around positions every 6 seconds before I even know what one we are in and there is nooooo rythm whatsoever, then you are terrible in bed.
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post #3 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:11 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Physically speaking, what makes for a great lover?
Me!
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post #4 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:26 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UMP View Post
A question for the ladies,

In your circle of conversation when you say "he's terrible in bed" or "he's great in bed", what exactly do you mean by this?

Physically speaking, what makes for a great lover? (let's assume he has the emotional aspect down.)

What makes for a bad lover?
This is actually a great question and I hope it gets lots of attention from women.

I would really value their insight here.
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post #5 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:36 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by UMP View Post
A question for the ladies,

In your circle of conversation when you say "he's terrible in bed" or "he's great in bed", what exactly do you mean by this?

Physically speaking, what makes for a great lover? (let's assume he has the emotional aspect down.)

What makes for a bad lover?
#1 thing? Talk dirty to me! I think of all the things I've ever experienced, what turned me on the most was having some guy I was nuts about pin me down on the bed and describe what he was going to do to me in my ear before and during doing it. OMG.

For erogenous zones - kiss the back of my neck!

But in general, it is the emotional aspect that makes a guy a good lover. Feeling connected is a big part of what makes sex good. Reckless abandon - a guy who is really turned on by me and totally into it. Fore play like kissing and touching and oral sex, but foreplay that is done like he's loving it, not done mechanically like he's ticking some items off a list. If I get the impression foreplay is a chore, I feel very self conscious and just want to get things over with so I don't bore you with my tedious female needs. And being a selfish lover - never kissing me and routinely just skipping foreplay, that's definitely a turn off.

Passionate, uninhibited, confident - masculine.
Good in bed to me is more psychological - how turned on he is to be with me - than the mechanics of just what was done, how long it lasted, which position, etc.
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post #6 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 12:19 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

I think @WorkingWife is pretty spot on.

A man also has to be attentive to my reactions to what he's doing--tuned into me would be the best way to put it, I guess. Prioritizing my pleasure. If he's doing that, then I will be even more inclined to do the same.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #7 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 12:44 AM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

"Good" requires chemistry.

A guy can have good skills, be sexually attractive to me....but if there's no chemistry, it will feel flat.

So that part is a wild card.

If there *is* good chemistry....

And good *mutual* sexual/physical attraction...

Then a good lover is deeply passionate, incredibly intimate, and wonderfully sexually expressive with me. He wants pleasure, and he wants it through sexual intimacy with ME. He also wants MY pleasure because it turns him on. He talks with me about my desires and kinks and is open about his own. He is strong and able to pull and push my body around in bed, into different positions or postures. He has his hands on me all the time and my body melts under his touch. He is lusty and extremely sexual. His lust for me is an aphrodisiac. My lust for him grows more and more the more sex we have.

If you add to this the true commitment and love of a monogamous partner or spouse...the whole package deal becomes something even more. It becomes heaven on earth.

Without the chemistry and strong mutual sexual/physical attraction...it is dead in the water. So skills building and trying to learn how to be a better lover is pretty much pointless in that case. Instead, the focus should be on building chemistry.

A bad lover....

Generally speaking and aside from the chemistry issue:

*bad hygiene

*fumbling hands that do not seem to know what they are up to

*poor skills in fingering, breast touching, kissing, or PIV, or all of the above (as determined by each individual woman and how she wants to be touched...we are not robots)

*no consideration of their partner's pleasure, just "what's in it for me" or even partially in that direction...bleah

*no sexual imagination, same thing, same positions, etc.

*not paying particular attention to his partner to find out what makes her feel sexy...not just put upon her how he wants her to feel or expect her to "just know" his feelings about her because he has a boner...lack of ability to properly communicate

*has weird sexual expectations that come from porn or other sources outside of the couple's sex life

*has weird hangups that prevent him from fully enjoying sex

*has no sexual self-awareness.

All of these things would make a woman a bad lover, too.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #8 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 08:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

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Originally Posted by WorkingWife View Post
#1 thing? Talk dirty to me! I think of all the things I've ever experienced, what turned me on the most was having some guy I was nuts about pin me down on the bed and describe what he was going to do to me in my ear before and during doing it. OMG.

For erogenous zones - kiss the back of my neck!

But in general, it is the emotional aspect that makes a guy a good lover. Feeling connected is a big part of what makes sex good. Reckless abandon - a guy who is really turned on by me and totally into it. Fore play like kissing and touching and oral sex, but foreplay that is done like he's loving it, not done mechanically like he's ticking some items off a list. If I get the impression foreplay is a chore, I feel very self conscious and just want to get things over with so I don't bore you with my tedious female needs. And being a selfish lover - never kissing me and routinely just skipping foreplay, that's definitely a turn off.

Passionate, uninhibited, confident - masculine.
Good in bed to me is more psychological - how turned on he is to be with me - than the mechanics of just what was done, how long it lasted, which position, etc.
Damn!

Give me a freekin cigarette!
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post #9 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:00 PM
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For me, attractiveness, as in having a "nice body" had very very little to do with it. My ex husband was very attractive both in looks and his body, very fit. But sex was meh. We pretty much had 2 positions we did, missionary and occasionally doggy. Oral rarely happened on either side. Never used toys. He seemed to like it fairly vanilla.

Now my most recent relationship that ended, he was adorable and very handsome, but a little overweight and not in shape. But our sex life? WOW. Despite all our problems, I will definitely miss the sex. It was amazing!! I had always been interested in being adventurous, but couldn't be in my marriage. But my exboyfriend? He pushed my limits and always wanted to try something new... And I loved it. Oral was a regular thing on both sides, many different positions, tried anal for the first time with him and it became a regular thing, always looking for new toys to add. Also the most important thing to me was him being the dominant and confident one. Taking me, bending me over. A little hair pulling and light choking. Always told me I looked smoking hot when I wore lingerie, which made me want to buy more fun outfits to surprise him. Sex was fun, not a chore!

But it may be different for other people. For me I was lacking a varied sex life before him and craved it, and was willing and open to try many things. And he was someone who wanted those things too, so it worked for us! Now I feel I'm screwed for life because I'll always compare future sex to him... He was definitely the best sex I've had (hopefully so far)! Ugh.
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post #10 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:08 PM
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A great lover knows how to touch a woman and isn't shy about it. He reads her expression and body language to learn what she enjoys. He is PRESENT, meaning he is in tune with her and he's engaged. A good lover will save his pleasure for last and continue to push his partner to the edge as many times as he can and by doing this he will be rewarded. A truly amazing lover opens his partner like a flower to where she is emotionally and mentally so open to ask for anything and knows he will do it for her. The best lover makes the woman feel safe to let go and trust him.

A poor lover zones out and gets off. He just wants an orifice. Nothing else matters.

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post #11 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:13 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

I agree with FW that chemistry is important.

Beyond that I think confidence and paying attention to what your woman likes and how she responds to different things is very important.

The worst lovers are the ones who don't pay attention to their woman's reactions and just go for theirs.

And the ones who bring a lot of porn in.....but that's one of my peeves.

Also I hate feeling pressured to have certain reactions for fear of hurting a guy's feelings. If I can be free to feel what I feel I can enjoy myself a lot more.

And keep yourself in shape and keep decent hygiene. Those two can negate everything else.

Last edited by lifeistooshort; 01-27-2017 at 07:19 PM.
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post #12 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

It looks like there is a common theme developing...


Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingWife View Post
#1 thing? Talk dirty to me!

Passionate, uninhibited, confident - masculine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saibasu View Post
Confidence!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
He is strong and able to pull and push my body around in bed, into different positions or postures. He has his hands on me all the time and my body melts under his touch. He is lusty and extremely sexual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HurtWithHope View Post
Also the most important thing to me was him being the dominant and confident one. Taking me, bending me over. A little hair pulling and light choking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChipperE View Post
A great lover knows how to touch a woman and isn't shy about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post

Beyond that I think confidence and paying attention to what your woman likes and how she responds to different things is very important.
I have yet to meet a woman who would prefer a purely "sensitive, sensual and submissive" male partner in bed, instead of a dominating, alpha male type (dominating in the "right" kind of way).

What does "bring porn to bed" mean? I am genuinely curious. I don't know what kind of porn you mean but the "mindless pounding" type of porn is generally considered bad/cheap porn that not many find appealing.
In fact, good/stimulating porn conforms pretty accurately to the descriptions mentioned here in my opinion.
It actually took some scenes from porn for me to discover what my wife actually likes (assertive, dominating etc) as well as various kinks/techniques. She never watched porn so I always find it amusing that many women find porn so repulsive/destructive to one's sex life yet enjoy so many elements portrayed in it.
Yes, it's acting of course (sometimes very bad acting) but like any movie, where emotion is conveyed, it doesn't mean it's automatically invalid, in its own right.
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post #13 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 05:24 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Great question. This is a hard one for me, as I am HD, and DH is LD.
Although his parter count is way higher then mine, he ultimately is super inexperienced, and his knowledge is based on porn and women who didn't like sex. We are working hard on these challenges, but these would be my answers from where I sit at the moment in my life.

Him being willing to learn my body, and what works and what doesn't.
Researching things to try/improve his skills.
Being aggressive in wanting me.
Wiling to try new things.
Passion and desire.
Patience to not pressure me to "cum for me baby". That only works when I'm about to explode.
Confidence.

I love my DH so much, and I hope we can really continue to work on our sexual relationship so it can grow and expand.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #14 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

A man who loves me and who I love. Who is committed to me. Who doesn't watch porn or compare me to other women. Who is unselfish, who will always think of what I like as well as what he likes. Who wants us to learn together, who listens to me as I listen to him, and who is not shy to talk about sex and what we each like. Who is relaxed and enjoys what we do. Who gives me a hug/cuddle afterwards. Who doesn't ask for sex when he knows I am feeling unwell or especially worn out. Who treats me with respect.
So he will be my best friend and husband and companion, and my lover all the time, not just when we are in bed.

Last edited by Diana7; 01-28-2017 at 11:55 PM.
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post #15 of 153 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 06:55 PM
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Re: Ladies, What is a "good lover" ?

Yes definitely a theme occuring here. Confidence as I mentioned earlier is KEY for me. I'll elaborate for guys seeking clarification, I want my man to be a confidant lover. Nothing drives me to that next level sex like a man who knows what he is really doing and losing himself in me. I'm talking full on abandonment of his inhibitions. Get LOST in me and I guarantee it will be the best damn night of his life. I feed off bringing pleasure to my husband. Just watching him come apart at the seems and unravel because of me going down on him is damn near enough to finish me off. I may enjoy it more than he does! I like my man to be dominant, cuddly feeling and snuggles are great and all, but check that at the bedroom door and bring your masculinity with you if you know what I'm saying haha!
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