Thinking about it...All the technical tips might be useful but only up to a point. First of all, every woman is different and responds differently to different stimuli. Secondly, the biggest sex organ is the brain. Especially on a woman. (On a man too but it's usually the other way around: his brain is in his penis).
Ultimately when it comes to having an orgasm, technique is largely the point. Although I concur that all women are variously different just as all men are. It is also worth remembering, that we're all very similar as well. In that for the most part all of us have sexual organs (and I'm not referring to the brain), that can when rubbed in a certain way for a sufficient amount of time see us having an orgasm.
The issue is most probably psychological (since you worked out that you can come from masturbation).
Actually considering the fact that @Lifeiscomplicated
can orgasm through masturbation. It is highly likely that she is perfectly able to to have a partner bring her to orgasm while having sex. So it probably isn't a psychological issue at all.
On the other hand over stimulation with a vibrator, combined with the libido killing effect of some antidepressants may play a big role in this.
The key is for you to train yourself to 'let go' and for your husband, to work out what makes that organ (brain) tick.
I concur with this in that it helps not to be anxious about such things, and to likewise relax in the moment. That said knowing how someone supposedly ticks, is no substitute for the application of sufficient and effective stimulation of the clitoris when wanting to actually have an orgasm.
Trying different techniques is a given. Eventually with practice, you can 'train' your brain to 'go to that place' quicker, in order to orgasm, the more you do it.
Again sure it does help to be in the right frame of mind, yet that big splendid sex organ called the clitoris, is where the real action is.
It also helps to understand first whether it's easier to achieve O from g spot/PIV or clit stimulation and work from there accordingly. Some women don't like both areas stimulated simultaneously.
Penis/phallus in the vagina sex can stimulate the legs of the clitoris, just as fiddling with the bit at the end can as well. Rub the penis in the right way and you're likely to get an orgasm, rub the clitoris in the right way and you're also likely to get an orgasm. Don't rub either of them the right way and chances are you're not likely to get an orgasm.
Others won't come unless each hole is filled up to the full.
Hmmm... Really? ... I think it is extraordinarily unlikely that any women can't
achieve an orgasm, unless
they have their vagina and anus coincidentally filled with phalli at the same time.
Your husband needs to take time and try to take you to that place psychologically and your job is to let him (and not get annoyed or at least not show that you are annoyed..).
He can take her to the sky of diamonds with Lucy if he likes, yet that is still unlikely to get her there in the absence of effective physical stimulation.
That said your suggestion that her job is to not show annoyance, or more broadly through inference, to not express disappointment or share the negatives. Is a very corrosive approach in any sexual relationships where problems exist.
Great sex for all participants, isn't built upon having one or more participants, hiding their feelings and or pretending that they're enjoying something when they're not.
For example my wife's first sexual partner was a sexually experienced, divorced older man who had no trouble attracting women, yet no matter how much he tried, he could never get her to have an orgasm.
At first she told him that she wasn't getting, there so in response he would try different things and again she would tell him it wasn't happening.
So following that he went to a popular go to for some men who can't get a women to orgasm. By telling her "you're the only woman who I've been with that can't orgasm, maybe it's you, maybe it's in your head" or words to that effect. That being the case it was time to introduce self doubt and inviting that chap called Resentment to the party.
Out of hoping for the best and trying to get him to understand that he wasn't stimulating her right, she told him again it still isn't happening. Which led to him to try a new tack, which saw him claiming she was actually having orgasms, because she got so wet, or thick white stuff came out, or that cloudy stuff with white flecks was there. Yet despite his assertions, there were still no orgasms! So being inexperienced and not knowing any better and not wanting to harm his fragile ego, she then decided, to do her job
, suck it up and fake her orgasms.
So to him the sex got better because she was having (fake) "orgasms", cause you know she was like wet and she wanted it and all that, Yet really she was disappointed, somewhat frustrated and though she enjoyed sex as such, she wasn't getting any orgasms out of it, so he got dumped soon afterwards.
Unsurprisingly though as it turns out, my wife like probably almost all women, was/is perfectly capable of easily having frequent orgasms through digital, oral and penis/phallus in vagina stimulation. All that is required is a sufficient amount of effective physical stimulation, absent that stimulation she's not going to have an orgasm no matter how much her brain
wants to have an ORGASM!!!
The thing is if that guy didn't dismiss her and you know tell her she was wrong in what she was experiencing. Or likewise understood that a woman suddenly getting wetter during sex, and or squirting, doing Kegels, making noises, tilting to and fro around the penis, doing handstands and backflips etc. Or having that thick white stuff or cloudy stuff with white flecks come out, doesn't mean a woman has orgasmed, he might have been a better sexual partner.
Anticipation is also a powerful aphrodisiac. Let him tell you what he wants to do to you in all the detail beforehand. Start the foreplay in the morning and build it up throughout the day.
Sure some titillation and flirting can be a great way to get the motor running. Yet again absent the application of effective stimulation of the clitoris (from within or without the vagina), orgasm is unlikely to ensue.
Technique is important but it doesn't work on its own.
Wiith "technique" in this instance being the effective application of sufficient physical stimulation, in order to generate an orgasm. It is fair to say that the application of techniques that are effective, are essential to achieving an orgasm. And that although other things can contribute to achieving that orgasm, effective techniques can actually work on their own. That's why it is not unheard of for both men and women, to have orgasms even on the occasions when they think the sex sux, is mediocre or if they are being raped.
One can have all the arousal or desire in the world, through their "biggest sex organ". Yet absent the right physical stimulation of their actual sexual organs, most people aren't going to get there.