Female Orgasms - Talk About Marriage
The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

User Tag List

 17Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 08:23 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 93
Female Orgasms

Ladies, I would like to ask some questions regarding female orgasms.

My questions are:
1) What sexual activity / activities gives you an orgasm?
2) How long does it take for you to reach orgasm from each single sex act?
3) How easy is it for you to have multiple orgasms during sex and /or foreplay?
4) Do you always need to touch yourself or use a vibrator to bring on an orgasm during sex or foreplay?
5) If you find it difficult to reach an orgasm with your partner what do you do to make that happen?

A little background..... I am 50 and have been with my husband 55 for 23 years and married for nearly 19 years. I have never been able to have an orgasm of any kind with my husband until the last couple of months and then it has only been a handful of times due to deep penetration of fingers with me touching myself at the same time.

My husband and I have both been in plenty of committed and non-committed relationships before we met and I have had this same problem each time. I do get angry and frustrated with myself as well as with my husband blaming him for not ‘doing it right’ or ‘moving at the wrong time’ or ‘you should know what you are doing by now’ which is very unfair to him considering out of all the women he has been with I am the only one who has had this problem. It doesn’t at all seem to bother him if I orgasm or not or he just doesn't care which I find weird because it sure as hell bothers me.

We do spend lots of time with foreplay but it doesn’t make any difference. There are times when I sense that he is impatient with me for taking so long or that he becomes restless, bored or his hand or mouth hurts or he really can’t be bothered because he knows that it isn’t going to go anywhere and he just wants to come himself and be done with it. Sex is and has always been just okay. My orgasms are not that strong anymore and only last 2 to 3 seconds before it is over maybe that is due to age IDK.

It has always concerned me and obviously it has become a bigger problem as I have got older. I am going through menopause and my sex drive is very high and has been for the last 18 months where I could have sex daily and often more. Husband’s sex drive has always been naturally high and he would be most satisfied if we did it twice daily and more on weekends. This man can have sex 5 or 6 times within 10 mins and would still want more later on. His HD has caused more than a few problems and fights over the years especially when I have been LD probably purely from the fact that I can’t orgasm or get any real excitement from it so why bother with sex at all. My LD was also a side effect caused from anti-depressants and there were many times when my husband coerced me into having sex unwillingly because it is my wifely duty (resentment issues there).

We are sexually experimental and do use toys. However, even a powerful wand, G-Spot vibrator and other vibrators except for one will do nothing for me. I have also been getting UTI’s rather frequently of late which I know is caused by excessive foreplay and lots of sex which is also getting me down.

There are several other issues that I haven’t discussed so please feel free to ask questions. If this thread needs to be posted elsewhere to get more replies please move it.

I would appreciate any advice you could offer.

Lifeiscomplicated is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:21 AM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Female Orgasms

Do you O when you masturbate? If so, by what method? Is it difficult to O by yourself, too? Do you watch porn when you masturbate?

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #3 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:56 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 757
Re: Female Orgasms

My clitoris has to be stimulated continuously either by my husband's fingers, my fingers, or a vibrator in order for me to have an orgasm. If I start cold - meaning not at all turned on - it can take about a half hour to an hour to have an orgasm. If I am turned on - I can reach an orgasm in about 10 - 20 minutes. I have not ever had an orgasm with penetration alone - and in fact often have very little feeling when we have intercourse - unless my clitoris is being stimulated too.

Now some questions for you - do you masturbate? If you do, do you have the same problem or is it easier to have an orgasm when by yourself? Are you attracted to your husband? Do you feel like you are repressed sexually or have some hangups about it? Have you thought about seeking help from a sex therapist? I think if you did - you would find out that you are quite normal. Since sex therapists are also trained to deal with other issues besides sex - they can also help you and your husband work through some of the issues causing resentment.

Many woman experience what you are experiencing. I personally think its because most women and men are not properly educated about a woman's body - and think sex for woman should work the same as men - with intercourse being the main activity to bring about an orgasm. Also many woman don't understand how big a part their brain plays in sexual satisfaction. For some woman - orgasms happen naturally and easily, but for many woman - it is a learned response and they have to teach themselves how to do it.

I lost the ability to orgasm during menopause and had to relearn my body - and get it working again. Hormonal therapy played a big part in fixing the issues, but I also had to teach my body how to respond again through masturbation - so the pressure was off of having my husband around and I could focus all on me. Then I had to teach him what I learned. I found the more I practiced and experienced orgasms - the easier my body responded and the more I wanted sex. The opposite also holds true. The less sex I have - the harder it is for my body to respond and the less I want sex.

I suggest you get this book to learn about your body and to get some good tips for you and your husband to try.
https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Anatom.../dp/057803395X

My other suggestion to you is find a good doctor and have your individual hormone levels tested and balanced. I don't know if you have always had frequent UTI's but during menopause its often caused by the decrease of estrogen and the thinning of your vagina tissue and the area around your urethra opening which allows bacteria to get in easier. Getting your hormones balanced correctly may help that issue and also help with your orgasms.

Some other resources that have been helpful to me:
https://www.womentowomen.com/health-library/ (this site comes from a clinic and also sells products - but I use the health library for a wealth of information

this site also was helpful
https://sexualityresources.com/learn

And lastly - but very important - kegels! A must do!! Google kegels to learn to do them right - and then do them several times a day - every day!

Good Luck
mary35 is offline  
post #4 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 10:37 AM
Member
 
Taxman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: The Frozen North
Posts: 182
Re: Female Orgasms

LIC
Hope you do not mind a male perspective. My wife has slowly ramped up her sexual response. When we first got together, we were lucky to have one orgasm from oral stimulation of her clitoris. Over the years, her response has gotten better and better. We recently stumbled on a technique of treating the clitoris as essentially a very small penis. What I do, is put my mouth over her clit, suck the head just past my lips and emulate a blow job, sucking up and down and pulling at it. She usually orgasms within seconds and will orgasm over and over again. I got this from a client who is bi-sexual, and incorporated his technique for male lovers into his technique for female lovers. The results are spectacular.
Taxman is online now  
post #5 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 10:58 AM
Member
 
Middle of Everything's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 1,040
Re: Female Orgasms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taxman View Post
LIC
Hope you do not mind a male perspective. My wife has slowly ramped up her sexual response. When we first got together, we were lucky to have one orgasm from oral stimulation of her clitoris. Over the years, her response has gotten better and better. We recently stumbled on a technique of treating the clitoris as essentially a very small penis. What I do, is put my mouth over her clit, suck the head just past my lips and emulate a blow job, sucking up and down and pulling at it. She usually orgasms within seconds and will orgasm over and over again. I got this from a client who is bi-sexual, and incorporated his technique for male lovers into his technique for female lovers. The results are spectacular.
I luckily stumbled upon this technique early in my marriage/relationship.

The times before I found this technique? I literally had a sore tongue for days.

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
Middle of Everything is offline  
post #6 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 11:05 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,166
Re: Female Orgasms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lifeiscomplicated View Post
Ladies, I would like to ask some questions regarding female orgasms.

My questions are:
1) What sexual activity / activities gives you an orgasm?
2) How long does it take for you to reach orgasm from each single sex act?
3) How easy is it for you to have multiple orgasms during sex and /or foreplay?
4) Do you always need to touch yourself or use a vibrator to bring on an orgasm during sex or foreplay?
5) If you find it difficult to reach an orgasm with your partner what do you do to make that happen?

I would appreciate any advice you could offer.
1) Vaginal, oral, and manual all give me orgasms.

2) How long it takes me to orgasm depends on a few factors. Obviously, if I am tense or distracted when we begin, it might take a bit longer. Usually, about 5-10 minutes.

3) I rarely have a single orgasm. Usually, I'll have one and then another either immediately or within 3-4 minutes as long as stimulation continues. So, I'd say fairly easy.

4) I do not touch myself or use a vibrator generally. The exception is when DH wants to watch me as part of foreplay or when we're doing something kinky.

5) I've never found it difficult with DH with the exception of when I was on antidepressants.

You mention in your post you are on antidepressants. Low libido is a known side effect of some medications and so is difficulty reaching orgasm. It's entirely possible you can't get there because of one or more medications. It happened to me. Speak to your doctor, explain the problem, and see if you can try a different medication.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #7 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 04:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 47
Re: Female Orgasms

If in the right frame of mind I can orgasm with 2 or 3 minutes of masturbating. Takes longer with partner though,

That said I think frame of mind is all important - if you think something will be difficult it usually is, and vice versa- the following link could well help as i feel having a positive attitude towards attaining an orgasm is key. Def works for me -

http://www.freeaffirmations.org/fema...e-affirmations

Agaiin I need to feel reasonable at ease and at least somewhat in the mood to come. However i can recall one occasion, and only one, where i was thoroughly NOT in the mood and partner "made me orgasm" against all odds because i didn;t want to come as I was annoyed with him about something. I was shocked and surprised it happened. Has never happened again!
release2016 is offline  
post #8 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 93
Re: Female Orgasms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Do you O when you masturbate? If so, by what method? Is it difficult to O by yourself, too? Do you watch porn when you masturbate?
Yes I am able to O with a particular shaped vibrator or my hands. Only on my tummy and maybe once or twice laying on my back.

Very easy to O and have multiple O's by myself.

I have only started watching porn recently. That is the only reason why I was able to O with my husbands fingers those handful of times. However, I am finding that after about 10-15 mins or so of watching porn I become bored and it is during those times that I have not been able to O.
Lifeiscomplicated is offline  
post #9 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 93
Re: Female Orgasms

Quote:
Originally Posted by mary35 View Post
My clitoris has to be stimulated continuously either by my husband's fingers, my fingers, or a vibrator in order for me to have an orgasm. in fact often have very little feeling when we have intercourse - unless my clitoris is being stimulated too.

My husband's fingers touching my clitoris continuously does not do it for me. We have tried about a billion times but it is not the same feel, pressure, sensation or whatever as it is when I do it myself. I also have little feeling when we have intercourse.

Now some questions for you - do you masturbate? If you do, do you have the same problem or is it easier to have an orgasm when by yourself? Are you attracted to your husband? Do you feel like you are repressed sexually or have some hangups about it? Have you thought about seeking help from a sex therapist? I think if you did - you would find out that you are quite normal. Since sex therapists are also trained to deal with other issues besides sex - they can also help you and your husband work through some of the issues causing resentment.

Yes, I do masturbate. Much easier and quicker to have an O by myself. I am definitely not repressed sexually or have any hangups about it, however, having said that I have felt over the years not so much now that I needed to feel in control of my body and my experiences and have difficulties I think in letting go. Not too sure whether it has anything to do with being sexually abused as a very young girl - no sex but lots of touching by a neighbours teenage son. Don't know if I have some psychological problem with that. Forgot about it for many years then when I had sex for the very first time with a boyfriend I had flashbacks of what this boy did to me. These memories came back to me as clear as can be the moment sex had begun. Only recently, late last year did I tell my husband about this and my therapist too. My husband had thought as much and the therapist contributed my zero partnered orgasms as symptomatic of the abuse and that there was not much I could do about it which pi**ed me off because I don't want to go through the rest of my life having a dysfunctional sex/love life. I have definitely been thinking off seeing a sex therapist this year but they are awfully expensive here and you cannot claim a rebate and as I only work 6 hours a week I still wouldn't be able to afford one session.

I lost the ability to orgasm during menopause and had to relearn my body - and get it working again. Hormonal therapy played a big part in fixing the issues, but I also had to teach my body how to respond again through masturbation - so the pressure was off of having my husband around and I could focus all on me. Then I had to teach him what I learned. I found the more I practiced and experienced orgasms - the easier my body responded and the more I wanted sex. The opposite also holds true. The less sex I have - the harder it is for my body to respond and the less I want sex.


How long did you lose the ability to orgasm during menopause? I think I am at the beginning of it with hot flushes coming over me throughout the day and night however, it is summer here and quite humid so weather could contribute to it. I have only stopped getting periods last March with slight bleeding again in July and nothing since. I don't want to take any HRT and unless there is something natural which won't increase the risk of cancers I will just have to learn to live with it.

I suggest you get this book to learn about your body and to get some good tips for you and your husband to try.
https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Anatom.../dp/057803395X


Thank you for your suggestion of this book. I will look into it.

My other suggestion to you is find a good doctor and have your individual hormone levels tested and balanced. I don't know if you have always had frequent UTI's but during menopause its often caused by the decrease of estrogen and the thinning of your vagina tissue and the area around your urethra opening which allows bacteria to get in easier. Getting your hormones balanced correctly may help that issue and also help with your orgasms.

The UTI's are a recent problem that I started getting in 2015 and ended up with 4 last year. I am now taking daily Urinary Probiotics and a large dose of Cranberry tablets. It has helped with the symptoms and so far I haven't had a recurrence this year. I do understand that menopause can contribute to UTI just another side effect that we have to deal with.

Some other resources that have been helpful to me:
https://www.womentowomen.com/health-library/ (this site comes from a clinic and also sells products - but I use the health library for a wealth of information

this site also was helpful
https://sexualityresources.com/learn


Thank you again I will look into these books.

And lastly - but very important - kegels! A must do!! Google kegels to learn to do them right - and then do them several times a day - every day!

Yes, I am also trying to do kegels everyday. Much harder to do now than a few years ago after having children.

Good Luck
Lifeiscomplicated is offline  
post #10 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:41 AM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 433
Re: Female Orgasms

Although I am not a woman, I think I know my wife's orgasms very well after 45 years of marriage. I am very lucky because my wife usually reaches an orgasm in under three minutes. She was the one who had to hold off waiting until I was ready to orgasm. We used to joke that all I had to do was look at it and she would orgasm. There are many times when I wish she took longer to orgasm because I like performing oral sex and within 30 seconds she is grabbing my hair and pressing my face into her vagina to get her first orgasm. My wife has orgamsed as much as 17 times in a 4 hour period. She orgasms from direct clitoral stimulation. Intercourse puts pressure on her clitoris but not as good as direct stimulation like from oral.

At the age of 64 she still has an orgasm quickly, but the most she will have is 3 at a time. A few weeks ago she had 10 orgasm by having sex three times during the week. When I pointed that out to her, her reply was that 10 orgams were only the ones I knew about.


Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 01-31-2017 at 11:14 PM.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #11 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:14 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 757
Re: Female Orgasms

Understanding Sexual Arousal in Women ? Women?s Health Network

This is sn advertisement for a herbal product, Arginelle. I actually used this product, among many others, when I was trying to restore sensation and the ability to orgasm and it did seem to help. But I posted the article for you because of the good info not the product.

To answer your question It took me over a year (a very long and frustrating year) to restore some sensation and my ability to have orgasms, although the ability was not reliable and sometimes very unsatisfying because of how week they were when they happened. More research, more work and continual monitoring and adjusting hormones - and 7 - 8 years later, I can have an orgasm and often more than one almost any time I want. I had never had multiples before menopause. I probably could have, but didn't know it.

Bottom line - you can teach an older dog new tricks. And perseverance, determination, knowledge, and work do pay off.

Last edited by mary35; 01-31-2017 at 05:44 AM.
mary35 is offline  
post #12 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:01 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 757
Re: Female Orgasms

My experience with porn was the same. In fact I found it actually dulled my senses after awhile. However, it did teach me the power of my brain and the power of fantasy which I have learned to tap into when needed.

Let's face it - after many years of the same thing over and over, our senses do get dulled. We have to find ways to wake then up. Since I believe in monogamy, that means working with my long term partner only, to try to find ways to make it feel new and exciting again. Not an easy feat especially when he is not great at being creative and inventive and likes staying with the same old.
mary35 is offline  
post #13 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:27 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 757
Re: Female Orgasms

I understand your reluctance towards hormonal therapy. And you may not even be a candidate for them. However do research them, and consider that it may still be worth while to have your levels tested so you know what you are dealing with. Can't fix what you don't know is wrong.

I thought I needed more estrogen, so was looking for natural ways to increase it. In fact - I was actually estrogen dominant. Meaning that while my estrogen levels had fallen, my progesterone levels had fallen more. Since our bodies function best with a certain ratio balance of estrogen to progesterone (simplifying this a lot for sake of discussion), I had too much estrogen for my low level of progesterone. So while I did need to increase estrogen, I also needed even higher dosages of progesterone to get everything balanced. I opted to go the bio identical hormone replacement route after extensive research and not enough luck with the natural products route.

My point is, that in not knowing I was estrogen dominant, I was making things worse or at the minimum, needlessly spinning my wheels by only concentrating on trying to increase estrogen.

As a side note, also adding testosterone has made a huge difference in my desire for sex which directly improves my functioning ability.

And again, I can't stress Kegels enough. The stronger your muscles, the stronger the sensations of orgasm conttactions. Plus you can learn to use those muscles to help you tip over the edge as needed.
mary35 is offline  
post #14 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 03:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 170
Re: Female Orgasms

LiC, I've always had the same problems, and it is frustrating. I've never hit O with any of my past partners, or my H. The only way this can happen is with a vibrator, by myself. I've learned to live with it, and pleasure myself at least a couple times a week this way, and then when H and I do it once a week, it's not so frustrating.
Ursula is online now  
post #15 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:07 PM
Member
 
ChipperE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 107
Re: Female Orgasms

I have a hair trigger and can orgasm in under a minute. I orgasm consistently throughout intercourse. My husband has a certain rhythm/angle that he knows sits right on top of the g-spot and so it's like hitting "repeat"!

My question to you: Do you do kegel or any type of vaginal exercises? I do kegels all day long and they have done nothing but give me stronger and more frequent orgasms. Might be worth trying if you aren't doing that? If not, maybe some of those lubes that increase sensitivity?
ChipperE is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Female Premature Ejaculation knobcreek The Ladies' Lounge 2 01-22-2017 05:26 PM
Male HD / Female LD vs. Female HD / Male LD uhtred Sex in Marriage 63 10-31-2016 02:21 PM
Update from an old timer - 18 years no orgasms MissScarlett Sex in Marriage 67 07-11-2016 10:13 AM
Vent: All Women Can Have Vaginal Orgasms Lila Sex in Marriage 21 07-10-2016 01:05 AM
Hubby's female friendships situation Preppygirl General Relationship Discussion 20 04-01-2016 09:22 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome