Ladies-how would you proceed with this scenario - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:48 AM Thread Starter
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Question Ladies-how would you proceed with this scenario

What are your thoughts going into a relationship if you have some health problems, low to medium or high libido and I may not match yours 40% of the time, how to have a loving and regular sexual relationship, and make love 2 times a week, but have a lot less baggage.

I am a 52 y/o divorcee for the third time. How do I navigate or how would you navigate this by thinking, I really want to know David better, Yes this seems good, lets go deeper. How do women navigate these things today for a man like me to have a better life and relations? Should all this be this hard or happening at all? Everything is 95% attitude. I am going to get some attitude and get some swagger, but It will happen. slowly, but I will be successful. I just hope she would think so...

He has this baggage and will get better, I don't want to get married, but have serious relationship with all the trimmings for love and give love. I will be working on myself over the next year. When we meet and all things chemistry and personality jive or somewhat, or choose to get serious. Are these things deal breakers or cautionary items that you will see if it is o.k. for you, or drop me like a hot rock. We all have our missteps and failures. How honest do I become about my background.

AS for sexual desire. I have a fluctuating libido, medium, to medium high, and depending how i feel being tired or ill it cam ebb and flow at my age. I want to know if you have this issue to and how it affects the below. I need the romantic set up too.

Baggage, Please give me your thoughts good, bad, why? preferences, your deal breakers without even me knowing you.
1. What age should the woman be if she chooses man at age 52 consider to be dating or in a relationship with. I don't want to have a mismatch. What age is perfect for you man ladies?
2. My Administration career tanked at earnings of $75K now as a banker at $40K and I will not earn more unless I get a Masters and that is not a guarantee.
3. No assets for emergency use, but I am working 7 days a week to get some.
4. Depression is dormant, thinned skinned at times,
5. need to not look like failure before her eyes, but I do have warts and I imagine nearing 50 she does too.
6. I am a organized neat freak; therefore, if you your home can't take a visitor without saying you are a hoarder, messy, and a disorganized pig is a deal breaker for me. I am not anal about it but if I ask for a decade to thin out your stuff and not clutter every room that is bad, You don't see a clutter house in a Better Homes and garden magazine, or on Downton Abby.
7. Moody at times
8. has a few extra pounds, neuropathic feet, type two diabetes,needs exercise, and needs to re-learn to have fun and get to church.
9. He has a fluctuating libido from medium low to higher medium, but as well as women needing revved up.
10. Likes to give gifts and celebrate to have good times for building memories of love. I can't think of one I had over the last ten years. We were lazy and making the bills took priority without us realizing it until it was too late.
11. If you have a low libido to a high one how would you navigate this. I am game for setting up times that we do the set up and not the disinterested "Up to a quicky, no I am tired." I don't want to be embarrassed to pursue and get turned down.
12. You and just as I want to be admired,treated with respect
13. No kids in the house after they are age 23.
14. Must have both names on the mortgage otherwise the other one who doesn't ins't invested and why should they are if you fix the house or not. It's not mine attitudes. I don't want that, If you are in, your totally in.
15. Need to find himself again, learn to live again, become ambitious, get his mojo back
16. Does not need a care taker nor does he need fixing nor does he need a handout.
17. Don't five me a handout, or a relative or you give me an hand out. Not good, I will fight and get what I need for myself, us, my friends, If a family member gives you a gift tell me it is for your enjoyment or don't tell me, because I could possible say it is an insult for me to take when I am supposed to provide, hunt and gather myself.
18. If can't come to an agreement or compromise to cut $300.00 from the budget to save more money or from keeping a car being repossessed, or have some savings for a car repair or a repurchase of an appliance due to a break down, or by little gifts for your self or each other occasionally without begging is a deal breaker. If we have to, we, both, or I, at times need to make hard decisions to make things work.
19. Communicate needs and bedroom needs without feeling embarrassed that you know my warts and I know yours.
20. give each other forgiveness, grace, acceptance, and admiration, and the benefit of affection.
21. How forthcoming should I disclose about my issues. Don't say a word?
22. I may not be successful or AMBITIOUS AS YOU WISH/WANT, BUT i AM NEVER GOING TO GIVE UP TRYING?
23. Negative proponents say women can't take a man with fluctuating income streams: I fall into that category with the career i just left: Unemployment every two years due to me picking 1/2 of the jobs where I became the fall guy at a company doesn't plan to keep you long, and a few managerial screw ups leading people of which i acknowledged, learned from and not repeating, but with that said it was not good enough; therefore she builds contempt towards me, and with lack of appreciation and communication i developed that too. Losing my career was worse than finding out my wife cheated, had died, a relative dying etc. I lost all resilience and I am fighting to get my confidence back.

Please share your thoughts brief or long as you would like to share. What are you desires, hopes and dream, wants if you deal with this same thing.

Thanks
David

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: Ladies-how would you proceed with this scenario

I have too much baggage of my own to ever fault or judge someone else for theirs. I just want a man who can be patient with me as it may take me a long time to be able to trust again and to rediscover my sexuality as my STBX basically destroyed it. I don't know if I am LD or HD because he took what he wanted when he wanted and I was never given the chance to discover my own needs. Any man who takes me on will also have to accept that I have a serious heart condition, am rapidly approaching being legally blind, am unable to work, and have been told I probably won't live to see my 60th birthday which is only 14 years away. I also have a minor child with mild learning disabilities, and little to no support from his father. I'm also a Christian and don't believe in casual sex. I don't ever want to marry again but I won't be sleeping with anyone without some form of long term commitment. I have no income other than child support when STBX feels like sending it. On top of all that I'm about 50 pounds overweight, have thinning mostly gray hair and a receding gum line, and look about 10 years older than I am.

I've pretty much given up on the idea of ever having another relationship. Maybe even ever dating again. Which sucks, but I'd rather be alone than ever go back to the cheating abusive POS I wasted 25 years of my life with.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies-how would you proceed with this scenario

Hi Thanks for writing. I am just like you I need to find myself and get a purpose. I am mixed up with feeling low and wonder if I can succeed again. I have hope every other day. I want to lift you up

I think you are still a young pretty woman no matter if your 50 pounds over weight, My STBX is the same. I think she looks good and I would not begrudge her if she gained, but If we both could lose pounds that would be cool too. It i hard when we work too much.

I bet you are a wonderful person too who got a bad shake and one who can get out their with the best of them. Somewhat disabled or unhealthy is no reason to stop living although the thought of it is appealing due to fear of risk. Listen to Joel Osteen. I do this, even though I am bummed with this situation I like to listen to Debbie Macomber audio book CD's. The best ones to start out with are the Christmas Angels that help people with issues find life and love again. Very uplifting, The Christmas Angel series (no bible verses in the books. They are light romance novels and other Christmas stories. Lots to choose from. The stories will get your hopes up.


Everyone our age, mostly have some health issues and want to change something. I weigh 248 and the doctor wants me to be at 185 pounds. My weight is in my tummy due to diabetes. I got a 40 inch waist and 6 feet 1 inch tall. the stomach is 46 or 48 around the belly button. I plan to lose it. The liver stores sugar there because their is not enough insulin to remove the sugar. Exercise will help when my broken foot is healed.

When I am out and divorced I am going to do this regardless of health, depression, whether I am rich or poor. I am going to get a make over. You should too. New clothes or other that are bright, clean, and that the fabric stands out like new, go to a new church, make new friends and find a passion that wakes my soul. I pray I find it because I want to be happy just like you. I am afraid to take a risk. There has to be someone out there for us.

Can you do this for me. Call social service agencies that can help you and your child. Get on the Medicaid and Medicare rolls. Get a good lawyer since you may be eligible for maintenance forever, Look into the local or regional centers of the blind for training for a job that you can do. If you are a veteran or a wife of one you may be eligible for Vet benefits. At least dig into it. Call everybody to get the help you need. Get a new hairdo and coloring, learn how to doll up with your disability and find where you can go to socialize. Ulta will do it for free and guide you, But at your age you area already a beauty expert and have the charisma to get a real decent man.

I listened to the new book by Macomber called. The Girls Guide to Moving On. The woman said that since she is going through a divorce volunteering, seeing friends, shopping if you can, and picking up a hobby can do wonders.
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