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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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My responsibility

Hubby has a torn tendon in his foot. He is in a boot, again, after 6 weeks. This is a different kind of boot, more like a ski boot, so uncomfortable. He went to a major medical center yesterday for a consult and they won't do surgery until he has tried this. So, he came home very frustrated last night.

We both are very physically active and this has limited his mobility. He lifts weights with the guys 3 mornings a week and then hopes to swim or ride a stationary bike the other times. Thing is, I have to go with him if he swims. This is because I have the keys and am a teacher at the building where there is a pool. However, I like to do yoga on some of these days so then he can't go. He COULD go to open swim at the other school but he'd have to pay for it and he is embarrassed how he swims. He's afraid to put his face in the water so he only does the backstroke.

Should I forego my yoga class so he can swim? I don't want to be co-dependent here. Or am I being a mean b i t c h? I said I would take him from now on and he snidely said, last night, "oh so now you're going to take me? what about all those other times I asked?"

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:08 AM
jld
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Re: My responsibility

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Originally Posted by katies View Post
Hubby has a torn tendon in his foot. He is in a boot, again, after 6 weeks. This is a different kind of boot, more like a ski boot, so uncomfortable. He went to a major medical center yesterday for a consult and they won't do surgery until he has tried this. So, he came home very frustrated last night.

We both are very physically active and this has limited his mobility. He lifts weights with the guys 3 mornings a week and then hopes to swim or ride a stationary bike the other times. Thing is, I have to go with him if he swims. This is because I have the keys and am a teacher at the building where there is a pool. However, I like to do yoga on some of these days so then he can't go. He COULD go to open swim at the other school but he'd have to pay for it and he is embarrassed how he swims. He's afraid to put his face in the water so he only does the backstroke.

Should I forego my yoga class so he can swim? I don't want to be co-dependent here. Or am I being a mean b i t c h? I said I would take him from now on and he snidely said, last night, "oh so now you're going to take me? what about all those other times I asked?"
He does not sound very grateful. Are you okay with that?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My responsibility

should I be taking him every single time because he's injured?
When I do take him he's thankful and tells me.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:15 AM
jld
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Re: My responsibility

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should I be taking him every single time because he's injured?
When I do take him he's thankful and tells me.
He did not sound very thankful last night.

It is obviously up to you what you want to do. But at minimum I would recommend pointing out his attitude to him and asking him if he would like to be treated that way.

Imo . . . He can afford to pay and it is only his pride that holds him back from using the other pool. I think he can grow up and either learn the front crawl or live with the embarrassment. He does not need to be protected and you do not need to be inconvenienced.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:26 AM
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Cool Re: My responsibility

Sit down with him and lovingly try to reassure him!

Then negotiate a recreational schedule that will suit you both, letting him know, in no uncertain terms, that you love him and know that he loves you, and will only be that way until he's back on his feet again!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:30 AM
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Re: My responsibility

It's a Mantrum. It'll pass.

Just keep on being loving and supportive and help him to stay as active as he can considering the circumstances. He's obviously used to doing many activities he can't, so he is feeling upset because that energy has nowhere to go. So it comes out in not such a nice way.

Eta: don't bend over backwards, though. You have a life too.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My responsibility

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It's a Mantrum.
ha!
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