Don't know if anyone mentioned this -- when she weans the baby, gets more time for herself, more time for you, know what's likely to happen? She's going to get pregnant again.... (That's how it happens in my family anyway.) I got pregant 5 months after giving birth, so my poor hubby went a while with me in straight up 'mom' mode, and I was only 23. So a big part of me wanted to be out with my husband doing things with our friends, but I couldn't stay awake long enough to make it through a whole movie, never mind go out with friends. I was also constantly aware that I couldn't have a couple drinks if I had a midnight or 6am nursing, and the million other mindsets that can keep a woman from being able to loosen up on a night off. It can be hard on a guy, but this is what "puts hair on a man's chest"(as my dad used to say)-- making a family, protecting the relationship that started that family, and going through the ups and downs of family life with yr beautiful wife. You're committed to her, right? You wanting sex IS protecting yr relationship with her, a good woman will recognize that. Though the child-bearing years can be great in many ways, it can be rough on the sex life. This IS normal.
I have 2 teens, and I remember having weekends away that my husband SO looked forward to, and often I just DIDN'T. Prep for going away without the baby is tiring, knowing you'll come back to a baby that's off-schedule is not fun to anticipate (I had severe post-partum with both of my boys, that didn't help), and I usually spent the first 2 days of our 3-day tryst catching up on sleep. I felt horrible about it, I felt selfish, but I knew he didn't want exhausted starfish sex. In short, nothing my DH could do made me feel sexy for a while there. But he was patient, and it worked out for him? If you do plan time away, which I believe is absolutely necessary, maybe see if you can get care-givers for the baby for 2 large chunks of time (at least 3 hours) in the days right before you leave. If she's like me (and some other women), we don't compartmentalize feelings like many guys seem to be able to. Mom-thoughts/sexy-thoughts/work-thoughts all happen within seconds of each other. Quiet time with no baby in the house means she can spend extra time getting done whatever is likely to be crowding out sexy thoughts on your weekend away. Even having time to paint her toes and take a nap will have her feeling rested and pretty before you go away.
So I agree with many of the above posters; continue to talk about it (though I know it can be hard to discuss how important sex is to a guy without seeming to pressure her). And be patient, it does get better..... hahaha-- then it gets rocky again when you have teenagers that hear everything and are wide awake at 10:30pm. Maybe I should start another thread to get sex advice on that topic ...
GREAT POST! I can relate to this more NOW, then right after both my kids births. Right after our 2yr old was born I wanted to be with my H to reconnect and feel like my 'normal' self again, then the same feelings second time around. In fact both were c-sections and I was breastfeeding (at least with DD1) I struggled to wait 4 weeks after being told to wait 6-8 weeks. Because our girls are close in age (18months difference) I struggle to spend any time on myself, sometimes I barely manage to sit down and eat my lunch. I will shave my legs once then not have time to do them again for like 2 weeks. I used to wear makeup every day and straighten my hair, and I have gone to wearing make up maybe once a week, and just tie my lifeless looking hair back.
My H is great and will take the kids out for a short while so I can relax- but that's when I use the time to do the things around the house that I hadn't had the chance to do. Big mistake, I need to start focusing on myself more, then I can start feeling more sexy, more like my old self.
I've just started making small changes to do this only now. I haven't neglected our sex life but it's not as frequent as it once was and I guess that's on me.
I suspect OP's wife feels a bit 'touched out' and exhausted from meeting the needs of this other little person all day and night, that meeting her needs or her husbands needs are last on her agenda.
OP- Find that woman some alone time and get her to spend that time on HER so she can then spend some time on YOU