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post #16 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:36 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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I think you should just be yourself, Mr. S. Authenticity is very attractive.
Being himself is what got him into this mess.He should be someone else!

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post #17 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:45 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

25 threads OP. You have 25 threads open. It's exasperating reading your threads. You've gotten so much excellent advice already. If you haven't found the answers you're looking for yet, I'm not sure what else the posters here have to offer you. You need professional help to become the kind of partner you want to be. Right now you're like a DIY project, a badly patched one.
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post #18 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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Being himself is what got him into this mess.He should be someone else!
How realistic is that, Andy?

You could definitely try therapy, Mr. S. I think that would be a very wise thing for you to do.

But in the absence of that, accepting and loving yourself just as you are might be the next best thing. It might lower your stress level, and make you happier and easier to be with.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:53 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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OP is following my advice from his other thread. He says and his wife agrees that he wears his emotions on his face too openly. His wife knows him to well.


I suggested he add some mystery. Do things independently. Not so transparently on the emotions.

I'm just going to guess that "wears his emotions on his face too openly" is some sort of girl-code for "man-child who emotes like a drunk co-ed" and is an indication that his wife sees him as emotionally unsteady, reactive, or needy. Perhaps, OP, rather than mystery, what would do it for your wife is greater self-mastery - emotional self-control, confidence, decisiveness, and being less emotive or reactionary? Passion for life, self-confidence, decisiveness and emotional strength are generally attractive to women. Being very openly emotional and relying on her to provide emotional strength and stability for you will tend to set up a caretaker or parent/child dynamic that can be a real lady-boner killer. Some women will be immensely attracted to a highly emotive man, but your wife clearly isn't one of those.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #20 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:56 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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How realistic is that, Andy?

You could definitely try therapy, Mr. S. I think that would be a very wise thing for you to do.

But in the absence of that, accepting and loving yourself just as you are might be the next best thing. It might lower your stress level, and make you happier and easier to be with.
Read some of his threads Jld,then ask me is it realistic.
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post #21 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:02 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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Read some of his threads Jld,then ask me is it realistic.
I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous.

Real "mystery men" are not that way because someone told them to be. That is just who they are.

Mr. S, please seek professional therapy. Please seek IRL support. You need more than what TAM can provide. At least imo.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:21 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

To start, dress like this ...

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post #23 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:42 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous.

Real "mystery men" are not that way because someone told them to be. That is just who they are.

Mr. S, please seek professional therapy. Please seek IRL support. You need more than what TAM can provide. At least imo.
I don't think humour is one of your strong points Jld.
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post #24 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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I don't think it is realistic to ask him to be someone else. And this whole "be a mystery man" thing is ridiculous.



Real "mystery men" are not that way because someone told them to be. That is just who they are.



Mr. S, please seek professional therapy. Please seek IRL support. You need more than what TAM can provide. At least imo.


But he wants to be different, not who is already is.

One can accept who they are and do nothing.

Or one can accept one needs to change, grow and improve.

He wants the later.
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post #25 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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To start, dress like this ...

How did you get my picture.lol.

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post #26 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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I don't think humour is one of your strong points Jld.
No, probably not. But I did not think you were being funny, either.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #27 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:49 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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But he wants to be different, not who is already is.

One can accept who they are and do nothing.

Or one can accept one needs to change, grow and improve.

He wants the later.
And that is very good. But I do not think telling him to try to be something he clearly is not is helpful.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #28 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:49 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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I'm just going to guess that "wears his emotions on his face too openly" is some sort of girl-code for "man-child who emotes like a drunk co-ed" and is an indication that his wife sees him as emotionally unsteady, reactive, or needy. Perhaps, OP, rather than mystery, what would do it for your wife is greater self-mastery - emotional self-control, confidence, decisiveness, and being less emotive or reactionary? Passion for life, self-confidence, decisiveness and emotional strength are generally attractive to women. Being very openly emotional and relying on her to provide emotional strength and stability for you will tend to set up a caretaker or parent/child dynamic that can be a real lady-boner killer. Some women will be immensely attracted to a highly emotive man, but your wife clearly isn't one of those.


Good post.

Strong, if i can summarize this....

You need to learn to act, not react.

Act accordingly to your plan and needs, not just reacting to what your wife says or does.
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post #29 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

you could start with a trench coat and dark glasses, but i would be careful not to hang around parks where kids play, that is one man of mystery you do not want to be.
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post #30 of 58 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: How can I become a man of mystey?

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No, probably not. But I did not think you were being funny, either.
Seriously Jld,this guy calls himself Mr Strongman and he is here day after day asking the most inane questions.I can't believe you are answering him with honest advice.He never listens to anyone.If you check back we allready differed in our opinion about him a few weeks ago but here he is with another ridiculous question.
If I offended you with my humour comment it was not intended,I really didn't think you were being serious with your answer.
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