Valentines Will it be just another day for you? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 09:46 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Don't get one that's too big, unless there are a lot of people in her office. That's a LOT of fruit to eat. (I would take it all apart and freeze the fruit so I could make smoothies, but I'm a dork like that.)

If you want roses, you should order them in advance--they're always in high demand on V-Day. I love the iris idea. Unique.
Iris is her favorite flower but hard to come by this time of year. Roses are never hard to find at 6 am on VDay. Now 6 pm when plenty of husbands are going ohh **** better run to the store it's another matter lol

I hope the arrangement I got isn't too big, hard to judge by the picture but she does work with about 12 people so I think we will be ok.

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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 09:52 PM
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Cool Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

No woman currently in Ol' Arb's life ~ so nothing special is really in order for Valentines Day!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 02-08-2017 at 10:00 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:33 AM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

Probably, it's a work day and I don't really subscribe to the idea. I think it is more important to treat each other well on a day to day basis, go for dinner, coffee, gifts, etc whenever.
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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 09:11 AM
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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i spent two hours with her on one of the last nice Saturdays in the fall buying silk flowers, and now you say she doesn't like them. Boy have I been had. I guess I'll stop listening to her.
Well then my apologies. Had no idea she liked silk flowers. And FTR, i didnt say she didn't like them. I have no idea who you people are.

Serves me right for giving my unsolicited .02
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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

I get sad when I come here. I always thought that my marriage and those of our close friends were pretty standard. Small disagreements here and there but a true partnership between husband and wife. No unconditional love, only love that is deserved and reciprocated.

Valentine's Day will be special for us. My wife will make a special meal. I will buy her flowers and am hiring a local Barbershop Quartet to come to our house and surprise my wife by singing two love songs. I have also refrained from sex for two weeks so that sex will be special on V Day. We have celebrated V Day for all 44 years of our marriage. The gifts went from very expensive jewelry to flowers and special events. Wife has too much jewelry and cannot wear it all.

You do not have to live in an unhappy marriage. Life is too short for that. Perhaps it is that way in your culture but most people that I know will divorce if they are not happy with their spouse. I can only wish you the best and hope that someone will make you feel good on Valentine's Day.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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Probably, it's a work day and I don't really subscribe to the idea. I think it is more important to treat each other well on a day to day basis, go for dinner, coffee, gifts, etc whenever.
This is me & my husband.. we rarely celebrate something on the day.. it's when it's convenient, the next day we have off together, maybe we'll go out to eat.... He never buys me anything.. I don't buy him anything either, we sound so boring.. now when Easter comes.. I go all out on the kids though..

But really.. there is no let down with this...sure it's nice to get a little surprise.. he's done a few things in the past.. like sending me an email with a love song in it, telling me how much I mean to him....it's very special, warms my heart & it costs nothing...

You know what I tell him...so long as I get some of this > before the night is over.. I'm good - I'm happy! a little mushy talk.. some reminiscing, that's the cherry on top...

Come to think of it.. I started to write in a card for him a while back.. never finished it.. now would be a good time.. thank you thread !
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 06:26 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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If she LIKES them and she wanted them, it's all good. Most women don't like the fake flowers

Even if she didn't actually like fake flowers, you still did better than my XH. For my birthday once, he bought me an encyclopedia of roses, and he was like, "Now I don't have to buy you flowers anymore, because you always have them!"

1. The jerk never bought me flowers anyway, I always bought my own flowers. In the 11 yrs we were together, he bought me flowers twice. Maybe three times.
2. I HATE roses. They're my least favorite flower.
Would you think I was off my rocker doing this.... when me & H was dating..I told him to never buy me flowers.. I felt they were a waste of money.... though if he picked them while we're walking on a trail.. it would warm my heart.. (after all this doesn't cost anything but the thought is still there)....

I went as far as to tell him.. if he ever did.. they had to have roots.. then said.. "No forget that.. buy me a tree instead"....he then told me I can go buy my own tree !! Ridiculous conversation we had...

I don't think he's ever bought me flowers-in the past 30 yrs ... at least I can blame myself for that..
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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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Hey ladies, or men if you want to indulge us with your thoughts...Will Valentines Day be just another day for you? Are you clearly expecting nothing from your spouse because you are going through current or chronic tough times together?

For me, he has lived outside of the bedroom for about going on 2 years now...stays gone all the time with your child, because that is his passion and current voluntary job for others...( nightly until about 7:30-8pm) and just about every weekend out of town to an event for our child and other children on the team....

Do you just hang on for your child? Do you hang on to hopes that something will click in his mind and he will realize what he is doing? Do you keep going to your therapist for the past 5 years religiously just to vent and be able to deal ?

Although I may not be physically abused, I have come to terms that I am in the utmost deepest kind of mental and emotionally abusive relationship that I can't figure out how to get out of...

yes, I have posted before, yes, I am still here...I have so much respect and love for my son that I don't know how to disrupt the marriage and move on...although I know it is what I should do.....I keep taking it day after day and my heart I believe may be a shriveled up piece of beef jerky or lettuce at this point...


Maybe , just maybe what is wrong with me is nothing....maybe I am just upholding my end of the marital vow that is an unconditional love.....unconditional in so many aspects..

:c rying:
Does it serve your son to see his Mother so broken inside...day after day.... I come from a broken home.. I remember my parents fighting A LOT ...they had so little in common... it ended and should have.. it was best for all involved.. Some parents don't fight but they don't speak or show any emotional connection.. this is just as bad..

I was reading a little about your story...how your husband fits the Narcissist definition.... it's his way or the Highway, has to be the center of attention.... sexless marriage, he lives in his RV, he's preoccupied with son's swimming career- could be an Olympian.. WOW ! He works from home.. you are the Breadwinner mainly, paying almost all bills... if you divorce.. he makes out like a bandit.. (pretty much why so many men refuse to marry these days)... this is a really bad situation you are in.. he sounds obsessed and completely driven with son's career.. but I bet most parents would be in this situation.. he may have a chance.. a shame it steals so much from the family though.

What did you see in him when you met, dated... were the signs there- his selfishness, all about HIM HIM HIM... was it ever good? What does your therapist say .. does he/she offer some hope of the 2 of you salvaging this somehow??
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 08:45 PM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Would you think I was off my rocker doing this.... when me & H was dating..I told him to never buy me flowers.. I felt they were a waste of money.... though if he picked them while we're walking on a trail.. it would warm my heart.. (after all this doesn't cost anything but the thought is still there)....

I went as far as to tell him.. if he ever did.. they had to have roots.. then said.. "No forget that.. buy me a tree instead"....he then told me I can go buy my own tree !! Ridiculous conversation we had...

I don't think he's ever bought me flowers-in the past 30 yrs ... at least I can blame myself for that..
Well, I TRIED live flowering plants instead of cut flowers, but I just kept killing the damn things!!! I have a HORRIBLE brown thumb. I would love to keep orchids, but... maybe I should give it another try.

Your post cracked me up.


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #41 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 07:15 AM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

I've always hated Valentine's day. Not once was anything nice ever done for me on Valentine's day. I gave up doing nice things for others because it's never been reciprocated or appreciated.

Just another day now.

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"The most beautiful words in any language: I forgive"
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post #42 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:35 AM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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I am sending my GF one of those edible arrangements to her work for her and all her coworkers. I liked that better than sending flowers because it's slightly different. I work the night before so I will stop and see if they have iris at the store, which I doubt, so I will get a couple dozen roses and bring them home ( give some to my daughters which they always get a kick out of) I have to work VDay night so we are going to Denver and stay overnight this weekend and do a couple of museums up there. All should be good
Sounds like a terrific plan. I hope she enjoys it...and you get to enjoy her...lol

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #43 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:37 AM
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

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Do you get steak and bj day at least?
Not really...she thinks that anything that involves the tongue is "icky"

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #44 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

Thank you....
My therapist for the past 5 years thinks Im crazy..(lol not literally)...that I deserve better.
He never see's us fight , no and we rarely do fight or argue in front of anyone..that has been a learned trait for me to do, which is good. It is just the strangest thing..I don't know what to say..When I first met him 11 years ago he was really into me, he was just getting out of a 18 yr marriage...
My son is important to me because in my previous marriage we had lost a baby son at 2 weeks old. It devastated me so maybe deep down Im compensating by staying because I want the best life for my son. My son is at the age now that I do talk to him about how him living in the RV is wrong, and how families should be together and how men should treat women , I want him to grow up knowing how to love a wife and a woman. I do it in a way that there is no name calling to his dad, just subtle teachings on how to treat a lady and a mother to your children. I catch im many times calling his dad out on things and sticking up for me...he is a good good little boy! beautiful and smart and athletic. We have nothing bad around us no drugs, no alcoholism no physical abuse, we don't spank our kids (usually because they are good and we don't need to ) they are just good kids..
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post #45 of 46 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Valentines Will it be just another day for you?

I constantly am in salvage mode...I go through highs and lows...I just try to stay strong and afloat..my therapist helps convince me I am a great catch..although Im 40 which I worry about..Im in relative good shape, great career, attractive..etc..Overall...the one that needs the help is really HIM...He needs a rude awakening, an eye opener, a dose of reality ...kinda like the Christmas Movie Scrooge! ---Or, I just need to get what I need on the side...but Im not good at that, I would end up falling and leaving for good..and most likely end up in a worse situation because I know that the grass isn't always greener..Or I could come up with a written agreement of a parenting marriage and just go do my own thing....I have read about couples that do that.
Anyways...thanks for writing back and listening...its interesting...
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