Would you "advise" your daughters to get married. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 11:02 PM Thread Starter
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Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

(Tell) was the word I used in the men's thread, and wasn't exactly what I was asking.

?

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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 02:04 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I don't think parents have any business telling their adult children whether to marry or not. Once they are adults, they pretty much do whatever they choose.
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:21 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I would always let them know that marriage is a good thing.
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:26 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I have 3 daughters. One has been married and divorced. Of the three I think the advice to get married will eventually be good for one of them.
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:31 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

Only after a VERY EXTREME vetting process by me.
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:34 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I would recommend that they marry if they want children. Despite my general view that marriage isn't necessary or desirable, I still think it is a good scenario in which to raise children. Of course, divorce being so common, it provides no guarantees that a marriage would last until the children leave home.

I would more strongly advise a daughter to believe in herself, have self-esteem, get an education, develop a career, and have the financial means to marry or not - or leave a bad marriage - depending on what she wants and needs. IMO, no adult should be dependent on another and feel trapped in a relationship if it goes bad.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:39 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

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Only after a VERY EXTREME vetting process by me.
Of which she will have no idea about?
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

My answer is the same for my daughter as it was for my son. I raised my children to be independent self sufficient adults. They are capable of deciding what is best for them and their lives. My thoughts on marriage are still the same - it is a good construct within which to raise a child since the children are provided for and protected by established laws. Other than, I would advise all of my children to experience as much of the world as they can before settling for the "One".

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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I struggled with this when my daughter was coming of age. It wasn't as though I ever wanted my daughter to be pulling a train on the local foot ball team, but I want her to know what she wants before she settles for less than what she deserves. Experience is the only way to ensure this, along with a well developed sense of self. If you teach them to value themselves, you don't need to do any sort of "extreme vetting"

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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:48 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I was waiting for this thread to happen! Usually when a thread opens geared toward 1 gender, another is opened for the opposite.

I don't know why you would answer differently depending on whether you have a son or a daughter. Maybe posters can comment on that part of it.

I don't have children, but if I did. . . . . . . I wouldn't necessarily "advise" them to get married but I certainly would share the pros and cons of it so they can determine if it's best for them. And, I would definitely tell them to watch out for certain things that are red flags. I don't think marriage is for everyone.


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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:43 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

My answer is the same as the other thread.
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:56 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

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I don't think parents have any business telling their adult children whether to marry or not. Once they are adults, they pretty much do whatever they choose.
Right?

They aren't gonna listen to me anyways! Grown @ss adults make their own decisions.
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

My daughter is still very young but she already knows that marriage and parenting are just optional and she can have a very fulfilling and happy life whether she chooses to follow those paths or not.

I want her to grow up to be an independent happy person and to think for herself. Now unlike many, I absolutely positively do not want grandchildren but that is something that I do not get to control. I do however intend to set clear limits and let her know (once she is of a more appropriate age) that I am not to become a full-time caregiver of young children. I am not a grandmother so I have no experience in it but I do not want to be a parent ever again and have little interest in being left to raise young children when I am ready to retire and enjoy what is known as the empty nest.

Growing up in a thirld world country I was essentially taught that marriage and parenting are life requirements and being single for life or having no kids meant being lonely and full of regrets. I absolutely do not want to pass on such misguided advice to my child. Luckily my husband agrees with me though he does not cringe at the idea of some day becoming a grandparent. Again, that won't be up to us. We both trust we are raising a child who knows to question everything and to not be a follower but to think for herself. Especially once she is an adult, her life her choices. I will be there to offer support when she needs and asks for it but other than that I have to trust that she will make the best choices for herself regardless of anybody else's opinion (even my own).
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

Marriage is a great deal for women. I could never advise my son to get married though.
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Would you "advise" your daughters to get married.

I really don't think that marriage is a good idea for anyone anymore. You rarely come across marriages that last longer than 10 years. Most young people think of marriage as an extended date and aren't that serious about it. Both my daughters have seen how bad their parents marriage has been and will probably think twice before they want to go through it themselves. I won't stop them but I will definitely tell them the truth about it, that it's not for everyone and only the strongest of relationships will make it through.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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