So Christmas is over. Now onto New Year's then my birthday in January and the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death in Feb. Should be an interesting couple of months. Christmas was pretty normal, but much less presents between wife and I. I did buy her a new diamond ring since she lost her wedding ring last summer, still claims it's in the house somewhere. We think the kids played with it. I told her the only string attached to the ring is that I asked her to lean into our marriage and not out. She is wearing it. I am hoping some things change in the next month. Would love my wife to be my birthday present.
Have you consider that she may be accruing new debts and sold her ring to cover?
I did.....but not until all the recent stuff started. I never even knew she had any unhappiness in our marriage until we had a fight almost three months ago. I still think her unhappiness is caused by other things mostly, but she is taking it out on our marriage.
But, once I looked back at the ring thing, I remembered when she lost it and know that she had no chance to go sell it during that time. Also, before our fight, we had been out looking at new rings and she was so excited, but cried because she wanted her ring and knew she could still find it.
So Christmas is over. Now onto New Year's then my birthday in January and the 1st anniversary of my Mom's death in Feb. Should be an interesting couple of months. Christmas was pretty normal, but much less presents between wife and I. I did buy her a new diamond ring since she lost her wedding ring last summer, still claims it's in the house somewhere. We think the kids played with it. I told her the only string attached to the ring is that I asked her to lean into our marriage and not out. She is wearing it. I am hoping some things change in the next month. Would love my wife to be my birthday present.
What date or week is your January birthday? Mine is next week. At one time I would love for my wife to be my birthday present, but not sure I even want to think that right now. Can only handle so much rejection in a year.
My Bday is at the end of the month, so I am hoping some things change before then. Things at home are getting closer to normal. Wife's moods still seem to change quickly, but I just keep a smile on my face and love her. I have no idea how long it may take for the physical part to come back. But, I told wife last week that I have needs also. If the physical part....even just plain old attention doesnt come back soon....something is gonna give.
When she had the jealous rage last week, she kept saying "but we are still married"......really? I dont feel like I am still married right now.
I would encourage you to do the MC each week. There are a lot of things going on in your marriage that need to be sorted out - trust issues on both your parts, your wife's inabiltiy to be direct with you, your sugar-coating your friend's sexual advances to your wife.
I believe we will be going to MC again soon. Things have been pretty good since our last session. My wife admits her mistakes, but does not seem to take ownership of her role in our fights we have had. Hopefully our MC will bring all this out. I am doing the little things everyday to show her how much I love her and hopefully she will regain the feelings for me in due time. As I have mentioned, she still shows love.....just not physical. We were intimate 3-4 times a week up until our fight in September. Then two times the following week and none since.
Also, I want her to do solo counseling so that her depression and modd swings can be addressed. I married a very happy, bubbly, woman that changed dramatically when we lost our daughter at birth 6 years ago. Even our two beautiful children only helped so much. She is a great mom, but she still blames herself for our daughter, and has never addressed the grief.
That is so sad and tough. I am very sorry for your loss. Stick with the MC. It takes time for behaviors to change and for a deeper level of awareness of ones self and what drives us to emerge, but it's well worth the effort.
So last night was NYE and the wife worked like most years. When she was getting ready for work, I sent her a text asking to end 2011 with a nice kiss. She left for work and did not respond. I sent her a text later on asking why she didnt respond, because I never know if she gets the texts....she has had issues with that recently. Her response was that she wanted me to quit sending her uncomfortable text messages. She later apologized for that and said she just doesnt know how to respond when I send them to her.
I feel like all the work I have been putting in to save our marriage took a huge step back. Up to that point, we had a great weekend as a family. She even gave me a couple small kisses.....of course I had to instigate. I am starting to feel like she just doesn't deserve me anymore.
Maybe you've already addressed these questions. I'm kind of late coming to this thread.
What was the big fight about that you had in September?
Is your wife involved in any kind of EA/PA? Have you done the snooping around? Her actions just seem so common to those who are involved in some type of affair.
Hoping that your 2012 will be a happy new year for you, in one way or another.
Our fight in September was because I was watching a football game at a friends house, kids were playing, wife was upstairs with others wives drinking. At halftime, I went upstairs to see her and give her a kiss.....and she was gone. Her and another took off driving to go get their friend....after they had been drinking. That made me pretty mad.
Then later, they had not come back yet and my daughter was crying and saying she wanted mommy. I took a pic of her and sent to my wife. That pissed off my wife. So, after game, I was ready to go....pretty mad and kids were crying and I told my wife we were leaving. That embarrassed her and we got into a verbal spat on the way home....first time ever in front of the kids.
She left that night with my daughter....for about an hour. Came back and that is when she first told me that she didn't think she loved me romantically anymore. There have been no affairs. We just never made time for ourselves, and I think it has taken its toll after 11 years together.
Ok, Ladies....I need your input. Things have been going ok lately. We are getting along well, both having time to do the things we want to do and still have family time. However, we are not making time for a date night. We spend an hour or two together most nights after the kids go to bed, but that is about it.
I asked her out for a date earlier this week and she said "we'll see". She ended up getting sick so we didn't go out. I asked her out again for next week and she said it depended on what we were going to do. I told her I would tel her if she agreed to go. Now she felt pressured so I dropped it.
Later, I told her that as long as we are still married, I expect sex and I expect kisses. It does not have to be alot, but something to make it feel like we are sill married. She said she feels like I am diminishing her feelings. I said I was not, but rather just telling her my feelings and that they do still matter. Her response was that she can't help the way she feels. I told her that she can, but she has to want to and that physical touch can help it. She said that she was still in our house for a reason, which is a good sign. But, she still says she needs space. I learned that she meant emotional space....not physical space. Please help me figure things out. Deep down, I think she still loves me, but is still mad and holding a grudge. I know that if another woman shows interest again, she will freak. I feel like I am in a very unfair spot.
jhult - I sorry, but have you really verified that she's not in at least an emotional affair? These actions and issues are way beyond what is reasonable from one fight in September. Way beyond.
I have not verified the emotional part, but I highly doubt it. I know there is not a physical affair. She says that the feelings started last year, but that she never said anything about it due to my mom being sick and my wife not wanting to hurt my feelings. But, our sex life never changed....3-4 times a week for 11 years until our fight in September. Then one time a week later and another physical encounter of another nature....and then nothing.
I have not verified the emotional part, but I highly doubt it. I know there is not a physical affair. She says that the feelings started last year, but that she never said anything about it due to my mom being sick and my wife not wanting to hurt my feelings. But, our sex life never changed....3-4 times a week for 11 years until our fight in September. Then one time a week later and another physical encounter of another nature....and then nothing.
I've read your thread through, and honestly it reeks of her having somekind of outside affair.
Perhaps she was easing her guilt by keeping up sex etc with you at home, but after the fight in Sept she has rationalized cutting you off and is using the fight to justify it. But I see her using some outside person as her physical and emotional release.
People just don't switch like she did, and they don't carry a grudge like she has to that extreme.
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Re: Wife Cannot Forgive 
