I'm confused at what the issue is. You want her to just relax and let you give her an O without intercourse and she doesn't want you too?
Does she orgasm with oral/manual stimulation?
Your saying she doesn't enjoy it as much because there is no intercourse?
Sorry I'm trying to follow but I don't understand.
He's saying that there are many times where he is simply not capable of having intercourse, thus he wants to give her orgasms through other means. She is not all that interested in standalone, non-PIV orgasms. He's wondering why.
I can understand where he's coming from (I think), in that I thoroughly enjoy giving my wife standalone orgasms without reciprocation or PIV. Just like there are (a few!) women out there who genuinely enjoy giving their partners BJ's.
However, my wife is simply not into that. Many women (and men) are 'all-or-nothing' types, and that's okay. To each their own. I've asked my wife, gently, why this is, and she says she feels some slight guilt that she's getting attention and I'm getting nothing. Doesn't matter that I tell her I occasionally LIKE this, she can't wrap her mind around it only being her receiving pleasure. Works in reverse, too - she won't give me standalone anything, either (well, extremely rarely, like ~5 times in 9 years).
That's just how some people are. Whether it's because they require intercourse to be properly satisfied, or they simply can't enjoy one-sided sexual attention - that's up to them. With my wife, I believe it's a little bit of both (but mainly the inequality part). IME, you can't change this.
She'll feel guilty and selfish if it's only her receiving attention. In turn, she'll project that upon me, and feel that I'm being selfish if I enjoy a standalone BJ.
Some of us, however, are capable of standalone sexual activity and are more than willing to give or receive at any particular time. Many aren't. TBH, it's a shame. Sexuality in a committed relationship should include all manner of giving and receiving. It's similar to giving gifts. If it's my wife's birthday, I give her a present (or 3..) and expect nothing in return. If I feel like buying her flowers, I give her flowers. She doesn't feel guilty that she didn't get ME something - it's her birthday, or I was thinking of her. But to some people, it's like christmas - you exchange gifts. You give one to your partner, you get one back, and there's no in-between.