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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
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What happened 2 years ago was he was working with a guy that is divorced, he began lying a lot not working like he was suppose to be, which cost him work. His attitude towards me became where the meals prepared were not good enough I didn't do anything right. Nothi,g was ever good enough always wrong.

He was doing things the employer expressed clearly that he was not to do with this divorced guy but he was more concerned with being buddies with him than he was with putting the job on the line and his work reputation.

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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:13 AM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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What happened 2 years ago was he was working with a guy that is divorced, he began lying a lot not working like he was suppose to be, which cost him work. His attitude towards me became where the meals prepared were not good enough I didn't do anything right. Nothi,g was ever good enough always wrong.

He was doing things the employer expressed clearly that he was not to do with this divorced guy but he was more concerned with being buddies with him than he was with putting the job on the line and his work reputation.
Maybe he needs some positive friendships with happily married guys? It seems odd that he should be so easily changed by being friends w one divorced dude. But I guess that happens to people all the time. Do you have any couples you can hang out with? Maybe if he starts being with people who are content with their married lives he can stop trying to sabotage his own? It's possible being around divorced guy made him wish for the freedom of being on his own?
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:27 AM Thread Starter
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Yes this guy would send him texts about his time with this woman or that woman that he was with for what ever day it was. Many of the texts were deleted. I am not sure what they all contained I do know this had photos.

There were to many people getting in our marriage and I mentioned it and he took the side of this guy that he needed to be there for him. I asked at what cost was he willing to take to be his friend.

When the home owner found out some of the things they were doing he was fired from this job and 2 others that were coming as a result from this one.
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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:34 AM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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How's the marriage? You two have a healthy sex life? Love kissing him?
I've noticed that you reply to people with this a lot, and sex can't fix something that's really wrong with the relationship. And why would anyone want to have sex with someone who treats them like they come second in the relationship? Selfishness can't be erased with good sex. I have read your story on here, and you're engaged now...and know that you had a sexless marriage, but the sex life with your ex wasn't the core problem, the core problem was that you were married to a selfish person.

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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

Wow...so the issue is what "your" dinner cost "him". Takes all the romanticism out of it. So he didn't take to to a nice restaurant because he wanted to, he did because he felt he had to...it was a responsibility not something done out of love. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your Valentine's Day was about as romantic as mine was.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:47 AM Thread Starter
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It was hurtful. I didn't care about the romance where we went it was the thought and the gesture. Then to have it be thrown back like that.

I will not be put in that situation again.
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 10:11 AM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

@Suspect, It sounds to me like he started getting some "greener grass" envy when he started hanging out with this divorced dude, and he may be thinking that is something that he wants. He's certainly not acting like a loving partner or husband. If I were in your shoes, I would go 180 on his ass. If he's not going to treat you with the love and respect that a wife deserves, and if he's going to act like he wants to be single and not married anymore, then give him exactly that by doing the 180.

It may get his attention and spur change, but it will also help protect you from his BS.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
I've noticed that you reply to people with this a lot, and sex can't fix something that's really wrong with the relationship. And why would anyone want to have sex with someone who treats them like they come second in the relationship? Selfishness can't be erased with good sex. I have read your story on here, and you're engaged now...and know that you had a sexless marriage, but the sex life with your ex wasn't the core problem, the core problem was that you were married to a selfish person.
Because most of these people with these dysfunctional relationships are just roommates, if even that. There's a common theme... they are sick, a sick or special needs kid, or no money. The issues they bring up are tiny and it's as if they don't want to address the real issues.

The real issue to the OP is they do not having a loving relationship. When did that stop? When was the intimacy removed from their marriage? Is it possible to restore? Most likely not, so what are they going to do about it?
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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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I have done the 180 and still doing so as best I can. He tried to start an argument because I wasn't engaging him and going about my business and when he asked if I was going to start an argument. Mind you this was 3 am when he started this
Me. I'm not arguing with you
Him. So what you do you want Me to do
Me I don't care what you do anymore

That hurt his feelings. Because I said I didn't care. It doesn't matter if I do it not he does as he wants and no matter what I say he doesn't listen so I stopped talking.
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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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I have done the 180 and still doing so as best I can. He tried to start an argument because I wasn't engaging him and going about my business and when he asked if I was going to start an argument. Mind you this was 3 am when he started this
Me. I'm not arguing with you
Him. So what you do you want Me to do
Me I don't care what you do anymore

That hurt his feelings. Because I said I didn't care. It doesn't matter if I do it not he does as he wants and no matter what I say he doesn't listen so I stopped talking.
He doesn't understand how awful what he did was and how it made you feel. I bet you would have understood if he told you that there wasn't enough money to go out so made other plans.


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:19 PM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Because most of these people with these dysfunctional relationships are just roommates, if even that. There's a common theme... they are sick, a sick or special needs kid, or no money. The issues they bring up are tiny and it's as if they don't want to address the real issues.

The real issue to the OP is they do not having a loving relationship. When did that stop? When was the intimacy removed from their marriage? Is it possible to restore? Most likely not, so what are they going to do about it?
What might look tiny to us reading one issue that the person is talking about, most likely is attached to a long list of 'tiny' things that both are not doing in the relationship, or doing badly. Sex shouldn't be an obligation, it should flow from a loving, passionate relationship.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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If a marriage is based solely on sex then what is there when the medical issues come in and prevent this intimacy?

That is only a part of a relationship there are by far many other parts.
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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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We have only gone out on Valentine's maybe 4 times in the last 32 years. I have always made other arrangements and didn't expect this year to be any different when he mentioned it I didn't see him following through because he doesn't when it comes to plans that involve us. Something else always comes up more important. To say I was shocked when he did would be an understatement.

He managed to have money to go on his 3 day trip that he left for today. This trip was to a sporting event.
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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me

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If a marriage is based solely on sex then what is there when the medical issues come in and prevent this intimacy?

That is only a part of a relationship there are by far many other parts.
True. It seems like some here obsess over the sexual part of marriage, more than any other part of it. Idk.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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