Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Valentines Dinner threw back at me
I am 65 and have seen a lot of people marry. Most times my wife and I know them and wonder why in heck are they getting married. The guy is cheating on her during the engagement, he is an immature jerk, has no skills and will be living paycheck to paycheck, is cheap, puts his needs first, etc.. Women are prone to the same thing and sometime more. My cousin keeps marrying beta men and then resents them for being beta. One of the side effects of love is making you overlook your partners faults. Too many people settle for various reasons; want steady sex, do not want to get back into the dating pool, want a baby, think they can change their spouse after the marriage, etc..
People rarely change their basic character and do not see their partner as other people do. Marriages like yours rarely get better because adults really do not change and if they do, it may not be in the way you want. My advice is not to waste the best years of your life on him. You can do so much better.
I love to make my wife happy. First off, it is just as easy to marry a guy with a bright future as anyone else. Money, or lack of it, is one of the leading causes of divorce, especially when one spouse resents spending it on the other. People say sex and money are not that important in marriage but they are. Very important if you want to last. The way it goes is that you either accept your husband's behavior for the rest of your life or leave him. It is your life and your decision. Do not make major life choices based on advice from strangers who cannot possibly know your specific situation. In many cases the answer is obvious though. This is one of them. Therapy and all that stuff does not change the basic nature of a person. All it does is make them play a role for a while until they revert to their true selves. What you see is what you get. Live with it or leave it. Your choice, not mine.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.