I agree with most @Spicy
, except the debt part...
This is all about destructive control @Suspect
, and that your husband controls so much of your finances is hurtful to you and your son.
It always saddens me to see someone so out of love with themselves as you husband is... but the ripple effect is even more so because it consumes caring people around them with that destruction of self.
Perhaps it time to start preparing for a mindful collection of the things that you can have an immediate impact on, such as preparing yourself for taking back some control fiscally.
Place a transaction hold on the credit card he spends against (or any other accessible debt in your names), take a card out in your name only (and for emergency use only), then look toward debt consolidation to reduce your monthly expenses and drop the card and debt completely in both your names once that takes effect.
Shuffle the money you save into a separate savings account in your name only as an emergency fund.... and you get to declare the emergency, no one else.
I don't know your State and don't need to unless you care to share, but I would say with your debt ratio under a responsible control would place you into a financial area that you could look to what State social services are available for your son, even as an adult. I live in a medium-sized town and know of programs that take special needs adults and work with them to build their confidence, allow them to build nurturing friendships with others, and allow compassionate oversight allowing parents (often now more upper middle-aged and elderly (50's -70's) the breaks they need. These are one of the social services I happily pay taxes for.
This isn't a handout for you, this is a hand-up for a very stressful situation life has presented you and you deserve help, it's what compassionate people do.
This may take months to align once the process starts, but to not take a first step forward will be guaranteed to leave you stuck in this mud-hole in the middle of your path.
If this is not possible, let's brainstorm why together... but the choice in why or why not fall to your actions, and not your reactions in dealing with many things in the way of the happiness you seek.