Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

What a loaded question! I realize this might come down to a difference in what "attracts women" as opposed to what "they are content with" once in a relationship.

I guess of course I am using myself as an example. As a former athlete, I am now about 15lb over. Not really a person anyone would see out and say "that guy needs to drop some weight", but I am a little soggy..... I'm 6ft, and I tend to carry myself like an alpha none the less, with my shirt on I suppose...... My best performing weight is about 185, and I am at 198

Now, I am kind of a person that gets to a point where "this is enough", and I go on a health kick, in which I can get back to my lean self in about 30-60 days, but this got me wondering, does this become a point of turn off for women with a little extra? My biggest issue is I gain weight right at my belt line, which is just not flattering.

Obviously I am probably a bit more self conscious than I really want to admit. What has probably created the biggest problems for me is resistance to take my shirt off with my SO because "I" am unaccepting of my appearance.


I read recently that supposedly "women prefer the dad bod", but I just don't buy it..... I realize that men seem to be MUCH more appearance oriented but I cannot help but think women are the same.

I would love to get some honest answers.

And I guess to cloud this thread a bit more, I am with a woman that is just gorgeous and fit. She has a constant inflow of date requests. It makes me self conscious I guess even though she sought me out and contends "I could be a model"....LMAO.... I am most certainly not the model type. More like the get greasy and fix things type.

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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

You can't handle the truth.

In the end confidence is attractive, if you need to be 185 to be confident, then that is likely to be the weight at which you will be attractive.

As far as BMI you would be at the top edge of normal and some may feel you are over built. That waistline fat is the stuff that leads to health problems so taking it back off is the healthy plan for you.

Final advice. You are with a fit woman, be fit. She will respect you for it.
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 11:59 AM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

Being a little over weight is fine. Having a little belly is fine. Being insecure and scared to take off your shirt is not fine.

For me... I expect a man to be confident... well at least not insecure. That is such an unattractive trait for a man. I'd rather have a man confidently take off his shirt and him have a huge stomach than a man be super awkward and insecure and take off his shirt and have an amazing body. Because for me... it reflects your mind. You need to live in the moment and be present, not be focused on how you look all the time. Men who are too into themselves is very unattractive.

Also as a women... it is such a turn on when the man is so into me and loves the way I look that nothing around him distracts him or gets in his way of how he desires ME. Live in the moment, relax have fun.

A bunch of strangers telling you that a dad bod is attractive is not going to make you more secure. I don't know what you need to feel comfortable but this is not the answer.
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 12:01 PM
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Your asked for an honest answer about if women PREFER a dad bod. I'm in my late forties. I do not prefer weight around the middle as opposed to no weight around the middle. I think a flatter stomach is incredibly hot. Just as I'm pretty sure most men would prefer a female with a flatter stomach versus flab there, given a choice.
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

Men are being sold a crock with this lie. No, dad bods are not attractive.
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 01:46 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

Women do not prefer a dad bod.....that's a ridiculous claim by a guy with a dad bod to convince himself that he's entitled to a fitter woman than him.

Having said that, a woman may be fine with a little extra weight on you if she otherwise likes you.

Many people have a range between what they prefer and what they'll accept and even be happy with based on the package.

I think it's a good idea to put a picture of what you want next to you while looking in the mirror and ask yourself if the match makes sense.

And remember, women are funny in that there's a difference between what we'll accept for various reasons and what we're attracted to. Men like to think we're not visual but we are.
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 02:30 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

I don't know about insecure, but once I hit 40 I felt that my impending dad bod was NOT attractive. I would rather be attractive, so now closely watch my diet and work out quite a bit. I think it's fine being confident taking your shirt off if you're out of shape, but I'd rather be confident and in shape taking my shirt off.

----
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 02:46 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

If you think "dad bods" are tough to maintain, wait until you hit "grandpa bod" !
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Women do not prefer a dad bod.....that's a ridiculous claim by a guy with a dad bod to convince himself that he's entitled to a fitter woman than him.
Actually the dad bod lie was perpetrated by women who wanted to be the more attractive person in the relationship so they could maintain dominance over their less attractive counterparts.

This video explains everything you need to know about the dad bod lie: Why The Dad Bod Is Worse Than Ebola

Now that we got that fake news sorted out..... @bobsmith as long as your packing a "big package" you're good to go with the ladies.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 02-21-2017 at 02:59 PM.
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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

Not into it, personally. But, if your SO is into it, then you should believe her. How do you know that she has a lot of date requests? Does she tell you that? If so, that could be where your insecurity is coming from.

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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

LOL, sounds like there is nothing to this "dad bod" thing. Guess I better keep the Nikes handy. I guess I might have painted a pretty sad picture of myself but I guess God at least blessed me with smarts, and born in competitive athleticism. I always turn backyard softball into a contact sport....:-)

Uh, I don't think the package is much of a concern....or they are all liars.... At least my SO cannot keep her hands off of it. Quite handsy in the middle of Wally.

As a point of frustration in my life, several of my friends were able to maintain multiple "playmates", with no strings. Bastards. I, on the other hand, always seemed to find the ones that said, "I wanna have your babies"........
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Not into it, personally. But, if your SO is into it, then you should believe her. How do you know that she has a lot of date requests? Does she tell you that? If so, that could be where your insecurity is coming from.
I really probably painted a sad image for myself. My SO and I were both good athletes. She is not in her prime either but I doubt anyone would notice. We are both competitive. I can still smoke her azz in any event she chooses. But we do compete with each other just for good fun. We were both sprinters and jumpers.


As far as date requests, no, she really has not come out and said "I have all these guys calling"... I have just put together the pieces. Hell, anywhere we go, guys just stare at her. It is a little unnerving but no, she is NOT one that feeds that behavior or even invites it. She is who she is. She is very family and church oriented. I think our biggest issues have been that she has guys literally throwing themselves at her, but I don't. I think she wants me to do that but I am just not that way. It pisses her off.

OK, I am probably about to divert into deeper issues but this is all on me. I sucky at da romance and all that. I have NO prob in the bed and I am just a different person. She has said if we lived in this bed we would never have a problem, ever. It is everything else I suck at. Christmas was BAD! The woman does not want food items, does not want appliances, she is picky at hell, etc, etc. She says "you should just be able to read me". WTF!!! I watched her for months trying to buy curtains....OMG! I am left with the thought, "I cannot please this woman, ever".....

Now, what is puzzling is if I put a friggin diamond ring in there, we are all good..... She wants to me married to be, have kids, etc, yesterday. We have been together yrs now. I get it, but there are a few other things going on that are urgent this year!

OK, that should stir the hornets nest a bit.
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 05:52 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

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I really probably painted a sad image for myself. My SO and I were both good athletes. She is not in her prime either but I doubt anyone would notice. We are both competitive. I can still smoke her azz in any event she chooses. But we do compete with each other just for good fun. We were both sprinters and jumpers.


As far as date requests, no, she really has not come out and said "I have all these guys calling"... I have just put together the pieces. Hell, anywhere we go, guys just stare at her. It is a little unnerving but no, she is NOT one that feeds that behavior or even invites it. She is who she is. She is very family and church oriented. I think our biggest issues have been that she has guys literally throwing themselves at her, but I don't. I think she wants me to do that but I am just not that way. It pisses her off.

OK, I am probably about to divert into deeper issues but this is all on me. I sucky at da romance and all that. I have NO prob in the bed and I am just a different person. She has said if we lived in this bed we would never have a problem, ever. It is everything else I suck at. Christmas was BAD! The woman does not want food items, does not want appliances, she is picky at hell, etc, etc. She says "you should just be able to read me". WTF!!! I watched her for months trying to buy curtains....OMG! I am left with the thought, "I cannot please this woman, ever".....

Now, what is puzzling is if I put a friggin diamond ring in there, we are all good..... She wants to me married to be, have kids, etc, yesterday. We have been together yrs now. I get it, but there are a few other things going on that are urgent this year!

OK, that should stir the hornets nest a bit.
My fiance and I are into running, cross fit (well, me lol) and he's into lifting. So I feel you about having that connection. But, we flow in all other ways. It doesn't sound like you both flow, and honestly...if you don't see yourself marrying this woman, then let her go. Seriously. I think she's been hanging on waiting for a ring. If it's been years now, sounds like maybe she's not the one?
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

My guy is packing some extra pounds, and to be honest, so am I. I still think he's dead sexy. But it's because of who he is, not his body type. I certainly don't want him to gain any weight, and I think it would be great if we both got into better shape.

If he had an awful personality, I wouldn't find him sexy at all.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 02-22-2017, 02:11 PM
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Re: Ladies, may I ask for the truth about the dad bod?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Being a little over weight is fine. Having a little belly is fine. Being insecure and scared to take off your shirt is not fine.

For me... I expect a man to be confident... well at least not insecure. That is such an unattractive trait for a man. I'd rather have a man confidently take off his shirt and him have a huge stomach than a man be super awkward and insecure and take off his shirt and have an amazing body. Because for me... it reflects your mind. You need to live in the moment and be present, not be focused on how you look all the time. Men who are too into themselves is very unattractive.
I'll be the naysayer on this thread... (just to show not all of us women are the same).. all that matters is YOUR woman.. she sounds happy , right ?

Personally... I would rather the man be thin, with some insecurities so I can build him up ... over an over weight confident man.. when I say this.. I don't mean to say you are overweight Bob Smith.. not that at all... you are talking about a relatively small amount of weight...sounds like you are very athletic.. like you shouldn't be the least bit worried about something like this..

I am a more visual type I suppose, and body type does matter to me...my husband is getting up in years... our looks are fading.. no doubt.. but I still love a flat stomach on him.. that's just the way it is.. if I can grab too much there.. I'd be adjusting his diet.
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