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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 07:43 AM Thread Starter
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Sensitive clit?

Looking for some insight on something I've dealt with in the past.

My ex wife could not handle direct stimulation on her clitoris, especially by me (oral or manual), as it would cause her pain or discomfort. She was like this for the decade and a half we were together. As she was not orgasmic via PIV, you can imagine we didn't have that great of a sex life. But, she still wanted it, and would initiate a good chunk of the time.

I don't recall her ever trying anything that numbed the sensitivity, like a cream or anything, unfortunately. She would also reach clitoral orgasm with the use of a vibrator, but she wouldn't place it directly on her clit, rather in the folds of the labia.

My question is - is this a not-uncommon thing amongst women? For those of you who may have something similar, what do you do, sexually (particularly if you're not PIV orgasmic)? Can it/does it go away?

We made do for all those years, but it was clear she was not satisfied. On more than one occasion, she turned down sex, only to masturbate within a short period of time afterwards. Yet she also still initiated sex fairly regularly, too.

Lastly (and this will go down a rabbit hole, I'm sure), she did have at least one PA, and probably 2 or 3 TBH, when we were together. She's also since remarried. I guess I'm wondering how she's maintained a decent sex life (she also couldn't do oral, due to TMJ, lockjaw. Real, I saw it firsthand numerous times)

I'm not sitting here hoping she doesn't have a good sex life, or anything like that - I'm genuinely curious as to how those of you women who may experience something similar get by, and/or maintain a mutually satisfying sex life with your partner(s). From my experience with her, her limitations did not exactly provide me with a satisfying sex life, either.


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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

I would say mine is sensitive. My husband just learned (from me) where to put his tongue and at what pressure. For me, light pressure was always best. As for a finger... it would hurt so bad if you put it directly on my clit. For me it feels better to put your finger right next to it, so your still touching it but not directly on it. And after I have an orgasm there is no way you could touch it because it's super sensitive. However because of this sensitivity I orgasm pretty easy.
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 01:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sensitive clit?

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I would say mine is sensitive. My husband just learned (from me) where to put his tongue and at what pressure. For me, light pressure was always best. As for a finger... it would hurt so bad if you put it directly on my clit. For me it feels better to put your finger right next to it, so your still touching it but not directly on it. And after I have an orgasm there is no way you could touch it because it's super sensitive. However because of this sensitivity I orgasm pretty easy.
Okay, cool. I think hers was probably more sensitive than what you're describing, as nothing could touch it directly, including her own fingers. We tried the 'light touching', but it was the same thing. Same with touching next to it - the fear of my finger or tongue (or whatever) hitting it wouldn't allow her to relax and let go.

I do think some of it was somewhat mental, however. Not that it didn't hurt her, more that the thought of accidentally touching it too hard, or at all, would cause her to want to stay away from it altogether. Using a vibrator on herself allowed her to monitor pressure, speed etc.

I just wonder how common this is, and what women who have this issue do to enjoy sex. I know orgasms aren't always the be-all, end-all, but still.

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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

The clit is a small bundle of nerve fibers, in one small concentrated area. It's way more sensitive than the head of the penis. I think it's very common.
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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

I think it is great that you took the time to tell your husband exactly the way you wanted him to do it. Many women are too bashful or prudish to do this. Then they complain about how there husband's don't know how to please them Thank you for not being one of those women.
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

I am a strong feminist women. I always joke and say "feminist do it better."
I don't have a perfect body, not even close. But I am not shy at all. This is my body and I love it, I have to Bc it's the only one I have. I love sex, I love to orgasm. When I have sex, I do it with the expectation to orgasm. To me... that's the point. (Sorry if that makes people mad but sex without an orgasm sucks). I believe that no means no, and more importantly I believe yes means yes. If I don't want to have sex with you I won't. I don't believe in dutiful sex. When I want to have sex... I want to have sex. When I say yes, I want to have sex. When I have sex I'm in it to win it... not to sit their and not enjoy myself. That's the way I am. Some people think this is selfish. But if I am going to have sex... I do it for a reason, because I want to have an orgasm. It's the best feeling and stress reliever in the world. When my husband finishes before me, he knows that he has to finish me off. That's the way I have always been since day one. I set the standard... if you cum, then I have to cum.
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 02:49 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

Of the women I've had sex with (20), only one was that sensitive. She had a very small clit and any direct stimulation was too much. But licking or gently rubbing the shaft of her clit or just around it was what she needed to O.

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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 03:13 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

Remember, the clitoris is not just the tiny button, it is a horseshoe shaped organ. I cannot tolerate any direct touching of the tip of my clitoris. Pressure in the folds, or above is fine. You are still stimulating the clit!

I orgasm from piv, so that is not a problem.

Never understood vibrators, the thought of one of those things touching my button makes my whole body clench.

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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

The thought of my clit getting touched directly on it makes me shudder... just the thought!
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sensitive clit?

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Originally Posted by TX-SC View Post
Of the women I've had sex with (20), only one was that sensitive. She had a very small clit and any direct stimulation was too much. But licking or gently rubbing the shaft of her clit or just around it was what she needed to O.

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My ex wife also had a very small clit, FWIW. Probably no correlation, though.

She was obviously able to orgasm from stimulation around the area, but she never really let me do it. I suppose because she wasn't in control, and as I said before, just her knowing the possibility existed of me accidentally making direct contact would cause the whole thing to not be enjoyable. I have sensitive areas around my lower back, so when I know somebody may touch it (like during a massage) I tense up.


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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

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Originally Posted by Giro flee View Post
Remember, the clitoris is not just the tiny button, it is a horseshoe shaped organ. I cannot tolerate any direct touching of the tip of my clitoris. Pressure in the folds, or above is fine. You are still stimulating the clit!

I orgasm from piv, so that is not a problem.

Never understood vibrators, the thought of one of those things touching my button makes my whole body clench.
Well, it's because you are using a machine to do what a man's tongue is supposed to do.
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

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Well, it's because you are using a machine to do what a man's tongue is supposed to do.
Nobody's tongue is touching my button either! Seriously, no direct touching, ever😮 Oral does nothing for me, direct touching is painful and the tongue isn't really all that useful for applying indirect pressure near the button which I intensely enjoy.

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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

Yes, it's common. I like oral but if my fiance uses his fingers, I typically like to be touched over my underwear, or sheets. I don't like for him to directly touch me there. I don't even directly touch there when I ....

So, there you go. It's common.

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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 04:58 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

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Originally Posted by Giro flee View Post
Nobody's tongue is touching my button either! Seriously, no direct touching, ever😮 Oral does nothing for me, direct touching is painful and the tongue isn't really all that useful for applying indirect pressure near the button which I intensely enjoy.
Every woman is different, which is why a woman should never be afraid to tell her partner how she likes to be stimulated. What works for one woman is poison for another. I had to learn that the hard way.
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 02-23-2017, 08:40 PM
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Re: Sensitive clit?

My wife tends to favor a more direct approach and can take a Hitachi applied directly to the tip of her clit.

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