I don't know what I am supposed to do. I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4. I have 3 kids ages 4, 2, and 6 months. I HATE sex. Makes me want to cry almost every time. Sometimes I feel a lot of anxiety during it, or else I feel completely disgusted. It is almost always painful but I think part of it is because I am so tense.
I do think there was probably 3 months that it wasn't this way when we first started having sex and were more like crazy horny teenagers. It has always been painful however.
After this last baby I just don't want to even give him sex as a favor. I don't know if I am right in feeling this way, but it seems like each time we do it, it just reinforces the vicious cycle of me dreading and hating sex. I am considering therapy but the thought of even doing the little exercises make me cringe. I don't want him to touch me sexually AT ALL. I know I am supposed to just give it to him as an act of love, but eventually is it appropriate to say "this is my body and I hate doing this with my body"??
mum, go see a doctor and go to a therapist. Sex is a normal, healthy, enjoyable part of a good marriage. You should be enjoying it.
Do you have any idea why you have these negative emotions related to sex? Do you have any kind of abuse or assault history?
It sounds a lot more than just your hubby isn't doing the dishes enough for you to want sex. I can guarantee you that your marriage is not going to survive if you can't find some workable solution which is agreeable to your husband. The status quo is not going to work.
You have every right to say no, it's your body and you don't want to have sex. And he will have to accept that. But your husband has a right to expect sex and intimacy as part of a marital relationship. Best case scenario, he divorces you. Worst case scenario, he has an affair, things blow up, and then you get divorced.
can you just tell him that sex is out of the relationship so he can decide what he needs to do? like pbear said, he can go ahead and choose to divorce you and move on or decide to stay in a sexless marriage
can you just tell him that sex is out of the relationship so he can decide what he needs to do? like pbear said, he can go ahead and choose to divorce you and move on or decide to stay in a sexless marriage
Nobody should hate sex. However, it is not fair to expect someone to stay in a sexless marriage.
I'm going to agree that a doctor's visit is in order. If there is nothing wrong physically, a therapist can help.
can you just tell him that sex is out of the relationship so he can decide what he needs to do? like pbear said, he can go ahead and choose to divorce you and move on or decide to stay in a sexless marriage
Do you want to give up your marriage over this? Sex is so important to men, how would you respond if your husband said something like, "I just HATE talking to my wife, I just can't do it anymore."
I am not saying that you need to continue to do something that is painful or unpleasant for you. Your husband isn't going to view you in the same light if you turn off sex but do absolutely nothing to correct it. You may as well tell him he's not worth the effort to please. See a doctor, see a therapist, let your husband know what's going on. He will probably understand and work with you, but if you just turn off sex and don't offer to work on it, what does that tell your husband about how you respect HIS feelings?
How you handle this says more to your husband about your desire to be intimate with him then the frequency of your sex.
Sometimes I feel a lot of anxiety during it, or else I feel completely disgusted. It is almost always painful but I think part of it is because I am so tense.
Just out of curiosity, did something happen to you in your past? You said you were disgusted by it, so it makes me think you do not like it because something happened to you, not so much due to it being painful. You will need to get to the root of why it causes you so much anxiety.
Just out of curiosity, did something happen to you in your past? You said you were disgusted by it, so it makes me think you do not like it because something happened to you, not so much due to it being painful. You will need to get to the root of why it causes you so much anxiety.
sex upsets me 
