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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Blended family

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Sorry, should have been more specific! How did it get you kicked off welfare?

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The fact he was giving me money. That I wasn't declaring as income. Didn't matter that he was there eating our food, and that's what he was paying for. Some nosy neighbour obviously didn't like the fact I was getting some and reported that they saw his car there all the time. They actually sent a PI to spy on me!! (Who I saw and reported to the police because he was a creepy guy hanging out in the parking lot near a playground.) I had also bought a car for really cheap that they decided was worth more than I was allowed to own. So they said either sell the car and ditch the boyfriend or we're kicking you off so I told them to shove their $1 a month they were giving me just so I could stay on health benefits. So THEN because I wasn't 'on welfare' any more, my rent went up 200% (low income housing which actually isn't based on income) and I lost all my child care subsidies and my health benefits, and so I had to move so I moved in with him. This was all in 1996 and 97.

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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Blended family

I live with my girlfriend and her son.She pays for everything he needs and we split groceries.She is too independent to let me pay for him and the difference in income when she was working was huge.She is about to have our baby so things will change.
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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Blended family

@Hope1964

You sound very bitter at the welfare system which was paying for your childcare and for your food and covering the bulk of your rent and your medical expenses, until they found out you had someone cohabitating with you and sharing expenses which you neglected to tell them. Considering the rampant abuse of the system and widespread fraud that costs the hardworking taxpayers money, don't you think it's understandable why they check up on welfare recipients and pull the plug when they realize there's unreported income?
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:36 PM
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Re: Blended family

@Hope1964 Since you answered my question, I guess I have to respond, but I'm a little speechless. I hope your nosy neighbor got the bad karma coming to her.

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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Blended family

My gf has a son for whom she receives child support for. She pays for his stuff and I pay for my daughters. When we all go out we just take turns or pay for different aspects of the outing. For example dinner and movie. I will pay for the dinner and popcorn and she will pay for the movie tickets.

On vacation I never expect her to pay 1/2 because she and her son aren't 1/2 that equation. I always pay more, I make more, I am ok with that and works for us.
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post #21 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Blended family

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@Hope1964

You sound very bitter at the welfare system which was paying for your childcare and for your food and covering the bulk of your rent and your medical expenses, until they found out you had someone cohabitating with you and sharing expenses which you neglected to tell them. Considering the rampant abuse of the system and widespread fraud that costs the hardworking taxpayers money, don't you think it's understandable why they check up on welfare recipients and pull the plug when they realize there's unreported income?
The problem with the welfare system is it seems to be all or nothing.There was a thread a couple of weeks ago and a poster was saying that he had been offered a job and it paid five dollars a week over the cut off point.The problem was he would lose his food stamps and his rent went up by a hell of a lot more than five bucks.It is the same I believe with child care,people are forced into low paying jobs and most of their income goes on childcare.
It has to be worth people's while to work,there has to be some dignity in earning a weeks wages and not seeing it disappear for something as basic as child care.
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post #22 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 06:58 PM
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Re: Blended family

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Nowadays she has no problem with me paying because "we're family".

Not sure quite when that happened.
But she's right...you are family.

When I moved in with my husband and his daughter, we became a family. We were both working full time then (I now stay at home). If SD needed something and I was closer to the shops I would get it, if one of the dogs (who moved in with me) needed something and hubby was closer to the vet, he would get it. If I was dropping her at a scout camp and it had to be paid for, I'd pay. If hubby took one of the dogs to the vet, he'd pay for it. Everything became ours...our home, our daughter, our dogs, our money etc...
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post #23 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:19 AM
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Blended family

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
@Hope1964 Since you answered my question, I guess I have to respond, but I'm a little speechless. I hope your nosy neighbor got the bad karma coming to her.

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The nosy neighbors didn't make the rules. Yes, the rules suck.

This is what happens because of so many cheaters. Those that really needed it like Hope get caught up in bad rules.

Last edited by blueinbr; 03-11-2017 at 07:35 AM.
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post #24 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 08:16 AM
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Cool Re: Blended family

When I was married to my RSXW, I provided what I could for my own two boys, and she provided for her three thuggish kids!

Occasionally, I'd offer her some cash that I had, but once when I gave her a c-note, she later pulled it out of her purse and funneled it to her oldest son(17) who used it to go buy himself a fix of pot and meth!

Calling her out on it, I quit giving her cash for convenience purposes, seeing that it was richly being used to perpetuate the lifestyles of dopeheadish freeloaders!

The way I saw it, if she wanted to support that sordid lifestyle of theirs, she could just use some of her own millions!

Not that she didn't!

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My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #25 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: Blended family

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@Hope1964

You sound very bitter at the welfare system which was paying for your childcare and for your food and covering the bulk of your rent and your medical expenses, until they found out you had someone cohabitating with you and sharing expenses which you neglected to tell them. Considering the rampant abuse of the system and widespread fraud that costs the hardworking taxpayers money, don't you think it's understandable why they check up on welfare recipients and pull the plug when they realize there's unreported income?
Allrighty then

I did not have anyone cohabiting with me. He would spend the night a couple times a week. When he did he would pay for the food he ate, or he'd bring groceries over for all of us. I got a great deal on a car, paid less than half what they told me it was worth. Where am I ripping off the system???

The welfare system wasn't PAYING for my rent or my child care. I was getting $1 a month from them. I was receiving various subsidies from the municipal, provincial and federal government, all of which were based on income. Since I was 'on welfare' I didn't have to submit proof of income to them. So the second I got kicked 'off welfare' and had to send in proof of income, suddenly my subsidies all disappeared.

The SECOND I crossed their arbitrary income line, I slid WAY backwards as far as income. I was NOT living with anyone at that point. Suddenly my rent shot WAY up, I lost medical benefits for all 4 of us, I lost THREE child care subsidies, and help with things like car seats, school expenses, etc etc etc. I lost access to a bunch of 'low income' organizations that were available to me as a welfare recipient put out by churches and various charitable organizations. Tell me who, in the 'regular' world of people getting paid, would suddenly have their net income slashed by more than half and then be expected to pay MORE for everything they needed for their kids??? We had to move from a 3 bedroom townhouse with a yard, to a two bedroom (more like 1 1/2 bedroom) basement apartment in a shifty part of town. Me and my 3 kids - they were in kindergarten, grade 2 and grade 4 at the time. We had to move away from all their friends - luckily they got to stay at the same school and daycare.

Bitter? Not really - just incredulous more than anything, that the system is so VERY broken. How much do you think that PI costed the taxpayers??

ETA - for some reason I put in my previous post that I moved in with him right away. I didn't - I actually moved in with him a year after I got kicked off welfare.

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post #26 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 05:22 PM
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Re: Blended family

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Working ladies in blended families, how do you split your budget between you and husband?

Do you pay solely for your kids from previous marriage?
How are you handling this?
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post #27 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Blended family

let me respond this:
Considering the rampant abuse of the system and widespread fraud that costs the hardworking taxpayers money, don't you think it's understandable why they check up on welfare recipients and pull the plug when they realize there's unreported income?

Welfare system does not provide even for basic needs. They believe a child can live on $100/month.
I know many people abuse welfare system, that's different story, but the fact is low income people who supposed to use the system can't afford it.
I pay 30K/year of taxes and I don't mind mothers with kids using these money.

Last edited by BeautyBeast; 03-15-2017 at 04:36 PM.
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post #28 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Blended family

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My gf has a son for whom she receives child support for. She pays for his stuff and I pay for my daughters. When we all go out we just take turns or pay for different aspects of the outing. For example dinner and movie. I will pay for the dinner and popcorn and she will pay for the movie tickets.

On vacation I never expect her to pay 1/2 because she and her son aren't 1/2 that equation. I always pay more, I make more, I am ok with that and works for us.

thank you for your response
what about common expenses, such as rent/mortgage and utilities?

who does most of housework?
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post #29 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Blended family

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How are you handling this?

me handling this way:

I solely pay for my kids from previous marriage and my personal bills, including vehicle, insurance, gas etc.
all common expenses, including vacations are split proportionally to incomes (40/60)

I don't receive child support because my kids' dad run away from the country to avoid CS.

So, at the end of the day I live paycheck to paycheck, husband has extra money for discretionary expenses, because I have more kids to provide and more taxes to pay (he is self-employed).

I feel like I live with room-mate w benefits or business partner.

Husband says all families live like this, I have to give up and just pay for my mistakes from the past.

I don't have friends with blended families to ask. My GF pays 50/50 with her husband (no kids from previous marriages) although he makes more money. She is unhappy and thinking of divorce. that's the only experience I see.
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post #30 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Blended family

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me handling this way:

I solely pay for my kids from previous marriage and my personal bills, including vehicle, insurance, gas etc.
all common expenses, including vacations are split proportionally to incomes (40/60)

I don't receive child support because my kids' dad run away from the country to avoid CS.

So, at the end of the day I live paycheck to paycheck, husband has extra money for discretionary expenses, because I have more kids to provide and more taxes to pay (he is self-employed).

I feel like I live with room-mate w benefits or business partner.

Husband says all families live like this, I have to give up and just pay for my mistakes from the past.

I don't have friends with blended families to ask. My GF pays 50/50 with her husband (no kids from previous marriages) although he makes more money. She is unhappy and thinking of divorce. that's the only experience I see.
Your husband is an ass.

I paid for my kids because I could afford it. Once we got married, I was making slightly more money than him. I paid for all the kid expenses and for the food and utilities. He paid for the mortgage and for ALL of our entertainment and travel expenses. Now that the kids are grown and away from home, I make a bit less than he does but I also pay for more of our entertainment. I still pay food and utilities and he pays for the mortgage.
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