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post #31 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:30 PM
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Re: Blended family

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Originally Posted by BeautyBeast View Post
me handling this way:

I solely pay for my kids from previous marriage and my personal bills, including vehicle, insurance, gas etc.
all common expenses, including vacations are split proportionally to incomes (40/60)

I don't receive child support because my kids' dad run away from the country to avoid CS.

So, at the end of the day I live paycheck to paycheck, husband has extra money for discretionary expenses, because I have more kids to provide and more taxes to pay (he is self-employed).

I feel like I live with room-mate w benefits or business partner.

Husband says all families live like this, I have to give up and just pay for my mistakes from the past.

I don't have friends with blended families to ask. My GF pays 50/50 with her husband (no kids from previous marriages) although he makes more money. She is unhappy and thinking of divorce. that's the only experience I see.
I have to say, I agree with @Hope1964. Your husband is an ass.

He is saying, essentially, that your children are MISTAKES. Who DOES that?

He is ok with you, his wife, having to live paycheck to paycheck, struggling, while he has discretionary fun money. Who DOES that?

And he is telling you that all families live like this? That is a big, steaming pile of BS. No, all families do NOT live like this, and you've had enough examples here to show you that each family does what works best for them.

He didn't just marry you. He took on a family and became a stepfather to your kids, whose bio dad clearly bailed on them. But he is refusing to acknowledge that he has responsibilities for his FAMILY. His responsibilities to his WIFE.

You guys are supposed to be a TEAM. What's yours is his and what's his is yours. That's what marriage IS. But he's decided that he's out for himself, a team of one, and you and the kids are on your own.


~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #32 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 03:23 AM
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Re: Blended family

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thank you for your response
what about common expenses, such as rent/mortgage and utilities?

who does most of housework?
If you were to include nightly cooking in with housework then I do 60% she does 40%. If you eliminate that it's closer to 50-50

I pay all the rent mortgage and utilities. She pays me a couple hundred a month and takes care of all the grocery shopping
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post #33 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 10:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Blended family

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I have to say, I agree with @Hope1964.
He is ok with you, his wife, having to live paycheck to paycheck, struggling, while he has discretionary fun money. Who DOES that?

I am not really struggling. My pay is fine, I have enough for all mine and kids' bills, just nothing extra. Also, I find reasonable splitting rent, utilities, vacations and other common expenses proportionally to incomes. Actually, when reading others paying 50/50 with NOT equal incomes, I should consider myself lucky

what bugs me is that kids are my sole responsibility
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post #34 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Blended family

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what bugs me is that kids are my sole responsibility
Does it bug you that they are your sole responsibility financially, or is it something else?

My kids were mine to discipline and not his. If I wanted him to step up I would ask, and he would, but I didn't want him initiating discipline. He isn't very good at it for one thing, and for another I'd been a single mom for their whole lives almost and was used to doing it myself, and they were used to me doing it, and it worked.

This should have been decided before you married, obviously, but since it wasn't you'll have to muddle through it now I guess. And kids do eventually leave home.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #35 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 06:10 PM
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Re: Blended family

I paid ~100% of my (step) daughter's care (excluding her health insurance) and contributing to her college education. It's been a privilege and an honor. She's priceless.

.........><)))#">
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post #36 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:00 PM
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Re: Blended family

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@Hope1964



You sound very bitter at the welfare system which was paying for your childcare and for your food and covering the bulk of your rent and your medical expenses, until they found out you had someone cohabitating with you and sharing expenses which you neglected to tell them. Considering the rampant abuse of the system and widespread fraud that costs the hardworking taxpayers money, don't you think it's understandable why they check up on welfare recipients and pull the plug when they realize there's unreported income?


I don't think of as an abuse of the system. Is this person who moved in paying for the benefits that she lost? She works and welfare does not provide any luxuries in life. She has a low enough income to qualify. Her children would lose their already low middle income lifestyle.



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post #37 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Blended family

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Does it bug you that they are your sole responsibility financially, or is it something else?
you are correct, him being an abusive ******* really bothers me too. I am realizing now that I have to leave
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post #38 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:56 PM
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Re: Blended family

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Working ladies in blended families, how do you split your budget between you and husband?



Do you pay solely for your kids from previous marriage?


In our situation there is no your kid or mine. We have 7 kids all living with us. My ex pays half for a majority of extras for mine so overall they cost less than his 3 kids. Their mom pays nothing above child support. All of his income pays bills and food and normal living expenses. Mine pays for allowance, lunches and extra expenses like class rings hair cuts, clothing and lunch money. The remainder of my income and all of his child support goes into a joint savings. This arrangement was the result of months of discussion and some major fights but it works for us and money is the one thing we never fight about


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post #39 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Blended family

My wife and I shared the same girlfriend who lived with us half of the time. She also had a husband who was OK with this and a son. I paid for our girlfriend's expenses and also her son when she was with us because they lived under my roof. However, when our girlfriend and her son were living with her husband, he paid and I never thought of paying for them. So my rule is that I support anyone living under my roof, no matter if they are mine of someone else's. I am the alpha male in the house and I take care of those who entrust their care to me. When our girlfriend lived with us full time before she got married, I picked up most of her expenses. She worked so I did not have to pay for all of her expenses. She made very good money so it was never an issue. When we went on vacation with her husband and he left his wife with me, I paid for her meals until she got back with her husband at the end of the night. Sounds weird, doesn't it but it makes a typical blended family seem less complicated.

If I got divorced and married a woman with her own kids, I would pay for them unless they were disrespectful little twerps. I might suspect that a woman married me just for support, so I would be leery of her motives for dating me prior to marriage. I am practical too. I can afford to support a large family and if love was there and proper respect from the kids, I would have no problem in supporting them all.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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