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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:37 PM Thread Starter
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Second choice?

So today I was talking to a cousin of mine when the conversation turned into an argument and she mentioned that my husband tried to get with her and the only reason were married is cause I was his second option and honestly I believe her cause around the time that happened I new something was going on between them but they both had denyed everything so I went on with myself and my husband we've been married for 4 years now and together for 4 years before marriage we have a little boy together and another baby on the way he cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship with my best friend and some other girl and I realize now that he's a major alcoholic could it be he regrets getting married with me and wishes it would have been her instead? Am I over reacting that I'm his second choice? Should I confront him and ask questions? I'm so devastated I don't even know what to do..

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:48 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Its rarely as simple as "first" and "second" choices. Most of time people date, break up, date other people. They learn more about people after dating and often realize that their "first" choice didn't turn out to be what they expected.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Not sure about second choice but for her to bring this up to you it's obvious you were the best choice.

You have worse things to worry about.

Alcohism gets worse without help not better. Plus it sounds like he's a serial cheat.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 07:10 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Forget her. I honestly believe everyone is someone else's first or 10th choice. It's all about the way things worked out. Also, a lot of the time people get "stuck" on the one they think they wanted and that person is actually not at all compatible with them which they would learn if they dated, but they never got the chance. The "what ifs" can make a person seem more appealing than they are.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 05:18 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
Not sure about second choice but for her to bring this up to you it's obvious you were the best choice.
^^This.

OP next time you see your cousin, tell her this ^^ word for word.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: Second choice?

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Originally Posted by NayRocks View Post
So today I was talking to a cousin of mine when the conversation turned into an argument and she mentioned that my husband tried to get with her and the only reason were married is cause I was his second option and honestly I believe her cause around the time that happened I new something was going on between them but they both had denyed everything so I went on with myself and my husband we've been married for 4 years now and together for 4 years before marriage we have a little boy together and another baby on the way he cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship with my best friend and some other girl and I realize now that he's a major alcoholic could it be he regrets getting married with me and wishes it would have been her instead? Am I over reacting that I'm his second choice? Should I confront him and ask questions? I'm so devastated I don't even know what to do..
This is the least of your worries. I know you care a great deal about whether he thinks you're second (or third or ...) best, but this man is no prize. He sounds like a hot mess. It seems you think very little of yourself and are looking to an unfaithful man who lacks self control to define your value. You are looking in the wrong place.

Further, your cousin is not worth spending another minute with. She clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart if she says something so hurtful to you in order to win an argument. With friends like that you don't need enemies, because really - she is your enemy.


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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 05:39 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Your husband cheated on you with at least two other women, he tried to "get with" your cousin, he's an alcoholic and you're about to have a second child with him.

Your main concern is if you were his second choice.

I'd start off by reprioritizing.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: Second choice?

Aren't most of us not the first choice. My first choice was a super model. There are always better choices for us if we keep looking. We eventually pick one to marry for various reasons. May not be the best in bed, the prettiest or the smartest, but at that time and place, for whatever reason, he or she was the best choice. I rather be the best choice than the first choice. Don't obsess over who was first or second choice. Focus on the fact that your life would have been better had he picked the other girl. Second choice may be looking better all the time.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Second choice?

To begin with your cousin is an a'hole. End all connections with her. hope you can discuss the situation with your WH and let him know that he has to get serious his drinking and waywardness is not tolerated

Last edited by curious234; 03-14-2017 at 04:23 PM.
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