Ahhh. . .now we are having a conversation.
Well, first of all, I do think I did help/contribute. I did do all of that. I food shopped, laundry, mopped, cleaned, child cared, paid bills, and ran kids to sports (and oh the sports they did). I don't think it was up to her standard. . .the house and the way I cleaned it for instance. The meals, etc.
Maybe part of the reason the marriage broke down is she felt I was unhappy with that arrangement too? I guess I never envisioned doing so much "Mr. Dad" kind of stuff.
It probably DID show through in my attitude.
I mean, I think, when I left abruptly, she must have felt a sharp, painful loss in a pair of hands that I was. She probably thought, "Oh crap, he did do a lot." I know her parents were pissed, who had to step in and pick up the slack. The woman I am dating, who complained like you, said the same thing when her husband and her separated and then realized, oh yeah, he did do a lot.
I would just ask you to take pause the next time you drive by a house that looks run down on teh outside.
Think about the $20 in your pocket that I have that says on old widow owns the place. You can always tell. It's a museum inside. The outside looks like a shack.
Anyway, I digress. . .I am not saying you are a feminist.
I am saying the movement in the 60's and 70's may explain the decline, that's all. Generally speaking that is.
I am not sure why you are having a hard time accepting that or at least knocking it around on the table, unless you have some personal bias for it.
You haven' offered an alternative explanation. Do you have one? I'd be interested.
@Scannerguard, I think environment plays a huge role in a man's attitude toward marriage and his responsibilities in a marriage. If a man is in an environment or surrounded by other men who share his lacking attitude, then he may think his beliefs are valid. However, if he's around men whom work hard and do all they can to try to make life easier for the family, then he may question his attitude and wonder if he's doing enough.
I also think that upbringing plays a significant role in a man's ideals of his responsibilities as a husband. If a man is raised in a broken home, no structure, and he hasn't had anyone to step in and show him how to take care of a family then how will he know?
In my situation, I'm not really sure what my husband's deal is. His father was around (until their parents divorced) and was a very hard working man. His mom didn't work and the father was the sole provider. I don't know where things went wrong in my personal situation. I really paid close attention to those who said wives have enabled their husbands. However, I still don't know what I was suppose to do differently if he simply refused to step up. So now I'm trying to understand if "depression" may play a role in a man's unwillingness to provide.