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When did men stop being men???

46K views 574 replies 72 participants last post by  nice777guy 
#1 ·
Come on guys. What's going on with you? At first I thought it was just my situation but the more threads I read on TAM, the more I'm realizing that there are so many men whom are comfortable allowing their wives to take care of the household while they do the bear minimum to make the marriage work. There are so many men who don't work at all or are working but hardly contributing financially (and in most cases by choice). Also, I've encountered many situations where not only doesn't the husband hardly pay any bills, but he also doesn't lift a finger around the house to make up for his lack in financial support.

What is becoming of our men today? Why are more and more men accepting their wives to be breadwinner and home maker while they sit and reap the benefits? Why does it seem as if many men no longer have pride or back bone? I remember when a man refused to accept money from his wife because he was short. He would work 2 jobs before he had his wife taking over his role in the household. Nowadays, it seems as if more men are content with being "slave masters." They sit on their tails and give out orders while their wives does it all. AND to top it off, have an audacity to complain about his "lacking" sex life when she's too resentful and or tired to give out.

And this gets me too. I hear so many of you claiming that your wives won't allow you to be a "man." First of all, no one can allow you to be a man (let's just get that straight). Does she block your manhood by removing your scr0t0ms and play baseball with them using your peni$ as a bat??? Just asking…Lol.

Why has your decision making capability manifested insecurities in your wives? I'm sick of guys thinking that they deserve a promotion just for the sake of being a man. NOOOO. It doesn't work that way. Husband or not, you must earn your position (PERIOD). You have to show that you will make great choices for the greater good of the family and lead the pack successfully before you get to stamp everything in ink. You must confirm that when the going gets tough, you get tougher and will successfully guide the family through the toughtest of storms. You don't just get to make all the final decisions just because you’re the husband.

I hear the same thing from my husband. He claims I don't "allow" him to be a man. I make all of the money, he hasn't done absolutely anything to try to bring in more income on his behalf to support the family, every final decision he makes seems to only benefit him, yet I'm suppose to sit there and knowingly get burned by allowing him to make a decision that I won't benefit from at all just because he's my husband. Ok, believe that if you want to.

Seriously, what's going on guys???? Is it the food you're eating or what????
 
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#143 ·
Come on guys. What's going on with you? At first I thought it was just my situation but the more threads I read on TAM, the more I'm realizing that there are so many men whom are comfortable allowing their wives to take care of the household while they do the bear minimum to make the marriage work. There are so many men who don't work at all or are working but hardly contributing financially (and in most cases by choice). Also, I've encountered many situations where not only doesn't the husband hardly pay any bills, but he also doesn't lift a finger around the house to make up for his lack in financial support.
I think someone else may have mentioned this. But TAM is a special interest group, so it's not necessarily indicative of what goes on in the more general world.

For instance, I've also seen quite a number of posts from men who have wives who are SAHM who have no compunction about doing little to keep the house up and organized while they are home.

What is becoming of our men today? Why are more and more men accepting their wives to be breadwinner and home maker while they sit and reap the benefits? Why does it seem as if many men no longer have pride or back bone? I remember when a man refused to accept money from his wife because he was short. He would work 2 jobs before he had his wife taking over his role in the household. Nowadays, it seems as if more men are content with being "slave masters." They sit on their tails and give out orders while their wives does it all. AND to top it off, have an audacity to complain about his "lacking" sex life when she's too resentful and or tired to give out.
I guess I am not sure whether there is actually 'more and more' men acting like this or not. I'm not sure how we can tell that or not, or if it's just conjecture and anecdote.

For instance, over the holidays I did a bunch of reading on American pioneers. One of the books I read was called "Pioneer Women...The Lives of Women on the Frontier". In the section on marriage and divorce, there was a lot of discussion on 'idle' husbands and the difficulties women had in obtaining a divorce.

One husband wrote to his wife the following, and then wondered why she wanted to leave: "I want someone to get me a good supper and let me take my ease and when I am very tired in the morning I want someone to get up and get breakfast and let me lay in bed and take my rest. More than all I want my wife where I can have her company and to cheer me up when the blue devils chain me down."

After reading some of those books on what pioneer women went through, it made me think that there's always been and is always going to be an element, man or woman, that are slothful, lazy, inconsiderate, and idle.

Whether we have more idle men now or not, I don't know. I think, in general, that our society, both men and women, are more flighty, more apathetic about really working hard for things, and feel more entitled to have things given to them without putting in the work.

I do know that we can all try our best in raising our sons to the best of our abilities to be strong, productive, and considerate. I do know that we can try our best in being appreciative and helpful of our husbands so that they can also be strong, productive, and considerate.
 
#144 ·
Also, I just tried to open up to indicate why perhaps my work ethic isn't on "maximum overdrive" and I felt attacked (no biggie).

Again, I am not sure what all the complaining is about.

BTW, it's all relative. A lot of the women I date say I work TOO hard. . .my ex-wife complained like you about me (men) - I was lazy.

In fact, she told my middle son that as to why we divorced (during a moment he broke down to me about it).

I actually think in a way, it's a little of both.

I can own both (peculiar dichotomy about me - I DO have a lazy streak in me).

I guess if you are complaining that under the FEMINIST MANIFESTO, it was the goal to create the SUPERWOMAN AND THE SUPERMAN, where the man comes home from work, and cooks, cleans, food shops, runs kids to doctors, and does all the traditional (or formerly traditional - seems funny saying that) work that a housewife did and the modern male feels GOOD about that, well, the feminist manifesto failed.

Well, it did succeed in creating "SUPERWOMAN". . .but didn't succeed in creating "SUPERMAN."

I have no desire to be SUPERMAN and I don't think men do.

Men just want to work.

Sorry they didn't get on with the Manifesto.

We didn't get the memo, I guess.
 
#147 ·
@Scannerguard, if you feel as if you simply want to work and not contribute in any other way then that's fine. That's how you feel, but why do you feel that way? Why wouldn't you want to help in every aspect to smoothly manage the family, especially if your wife worked too? Do you think it's fair that you'd only play a portion of the role in the home when the wife was doing so much more?

I guess I'm just wondering why wouldn't a husband (with your way of thinking) not realize how stressful and exhausting it must be for the wife to not only work, but also be the home maker as well. Is it that you really don't get it or simply don't care???
 
#146 ·
@Enchantment, I have also encountered many men who have so many problems with their wives and they truly care to make things better. That definitely raised my eyebrows because I can't recall ever witnessing a man expressing such concern and care regarding his marriage. I guess I've seen so many times (in my relationship and others) that men don't really express their hurt and concern about their marriages. It really never hit me that a man can really worry about his wife's happiness, so to read those types of posts have been very educating for me.

However, I won't deny that women have their flaws as well. After being on TAM, I realize that many men are hurting just as women because of the downfalls in their marriages. Nonetheless, I wanted a discussion specifically about a man's perspective regarding the lacking man. Some say that men don't really provide because in some cases they weren't brought up to, while others believe that women enable the man to be unsupportive. Several believe that you can't change a lacking man and the woman should simply leave. A few have blamed it on the movement of feminism, subliminal messages embedded during youth, etc. I love the different perspectives. Again, I can't stress enough the different views and understanding that I'm getting from everyone.
 
#155 ·
Some say that men don't really provide because in some cases they weren't brought up to, while others believe that women enable the man to be unsupportive. Several believe that you can't change a lacking man and the woman should simply leave. A few have blamed it on the movement of feminism, subliminal messages embedded during youth, etc. I love the different perspectives. Again, I can't stress enough the different views and understanding that I'm getting from everyone.
Depression and mental illness may also be a cause. Another possibility is that He feels nothing He does is good enough to please his spouse and just gives up altogether.
 
#152 ·
I just want to say that originally I was getting angry because I felt as if I were being attacked because of the title of my thread, accusations of being a feminist, etc. I couldn't understand why folks were making this topic about me at all. It wasn't and isn't about me. It's about the men who don't provide.

Some of you have even suggested that I'm not open to disagreement. If you're disagreeing on the topic, then yes I want to hear you because perhaps you can help me understand something that I just don't see. However, if you're accusing me of putting ALL men into one category, saying that I believe I'm a victim, and all the other ridiculous comments that I've encountered on here then no, I truly can care less about what you have to say.

I'd be so grateful if we can get off of this "R.J. had an attitude bit." It's old. Let's get back on focus of the discussion. If anyone make any more personal posts about how they perceived the tone of some of my previous posts, I won't respond to you. I will only focus on those who have legitimate opinions about the topic at hand.
 
#157 ·
@Scannerguard, if you feel as if you simply want to work and not contribute in any other way then that's fine. That's how you feel, but why do you feel that way? Why wouldn't you want to help in every aspect to smoothly manage the family, especially if your wife worked too? Do you think it's fair that you'd only play a portion of the role in the home when the wife was doing so much more?

I guess I'm just wondering why wouldn't a husband (with your way of thinking) not realize how stressful and exhausting it must be for the wife to not only work, but also be the home maker as well. Is it that you really don't get it or simply don't care???
Ahhh. . .now we are having a conversation.

Well, first of all, I do think I did help/contribute. I did do all of that. I food shopped, laundry, mopped, cleaned, child cared, paid bills, and ran kids to sports (and oh the sports they did). I don't think it was up to her standard. . .the house and the way I cleaned it for instance. The meals, etc.

Maybe part of the reason the marriage broke down is she felt I was unhappy with that arrangement too? I guess I never envisioned doing so much "Mr. Dad" kind of stuff.

It probably DID show through in my attitude.

I mean, I think, when I left abruptly, she must have felt a sharp, painful loss in a pair of hands that I was. She probably thought, "Oh crap, he did do a lot." I know her parents were pissed, who had to step in and pick up the slack. The woman I am dating, who complained like you, said the same thing when her husband and her separated and then realized, oh yeah, he did do a lot.

I would just ask you to take pause the next time you drive by a house that looks run down on teh outside.

Think about the $20 in your pocket that I have that says on old widow owns the place. You can always tell. It's a museum inside. The outside looks like a shack.

Anyway, I digress. . .I am not saying you are a feminist.

I am saying the movement in the 60's and 70's may explain the decline, that's all. Generally speaking that is.

I am not sure why you are having a hard time accepting that or at least knocking it around on the table, unless you have some personal bias for it.

You haven' offered an alternative explanation. Do you have one? I'd be interested.
 
#169 ·
@Scannerguard, I think environment plays a huge role in a man's attitude toward marriage and his responsibilities in a marriage. If a man is in an environment or surrounded by other men who share his lacking attitude, then he may think his beliefs are valid. However, if he's around men whom work hard and do all they can to try to make life easier for the family, then he may question his attitude and wonder if he's doing enough.

I also think that upbringing plays a significant role in a man's ideals of his responsibilities as a husband. If a man is raised in a broken home, no structure, and he hasn't had anyone to step in and show him how to take care of a family then how will he know?

In my situation, I'm not really sure what my husband's deal is. His father was around (until their parents divorced) and was a very hard working man. His mom didn't work and the father was the sole provider. I don't know where things went wrong in my personal situation. I really paid close attention to those who said wives have enabled their husbands. However, I still don't know what I was suppose to do differently if he simply refused to step up. So now I'm trying to understand if "depression" may play a role in a man's unwillingness to provide.
 
#159 ·
I keep encountering the possibility of depression. Hmmm…I don't know what to take of that. I remember a guy from a different forum suggested that some men tend to feel defeated by their woman's success and simply gives up. He went on to say that the woman takes charge and does it all, leaving the man feeling helpless and needless. I've also read a few posts in this thread suggesting something similar. Can this be one of the symptoms of "depression?"
 
#167 ·
With your story, depression does come to mind pretty quickly. The problem with that theory is the fact that he is still bugging you for sex. Those who suffer from depression 99 out of 100 times take a massive hit to the sex drive. I would think more in the direction of him just being lazy.
 
#161 ·
I think what it comes down to is that in both genders there are those who lack respect and understanding for the other gender. And too often they don't empathize enough to care either.

Being a guy, I do agree in that most men don't "want" to do the household chores that have traditionally been held by women, but part of making a marriage/family work (especially these days) means sacrifice.

If you're the type of guy that's not going to chip in and help out around the house while your woman is working both a career and handling everything around the house, then you shouldn't get married and have kids at all. Just date for the rest of your life and break it off to move on to the next woman when the one you're with wants a commitment from you.
 
#163 ·
Holy PsychoBabble, Batman!

OK, I'll give it a shot.

Often a husband loses his manhood a small piece at a time - especially if his wife has a stronger personality and has a tendency towards controlling behaviors.

If anytime there's a disagreement, she's never wrong -- no matter the facts -- eventually he stops communicating.

If his actions are never good enough (or never enough), eventually he stops trying.

If his wife starts earning more than him and begins putting him down due to his inability to make more than she does, it's easy to give up on this as well.

If the wife is continually telling the husband that he's a loser, through words and actions, he'll prove her right.

If the wife tells the husband that the idea of sex with him makes her want to vomit, she's likely just killed whatever remaining testosterone he has in his veins.

Eventually the husband can become a beaten-down non-person who doesn't contribute. That, of course, is a HUGE problem for the wife who can do no wrong.

Just one possible scenario to answer your OP.
That was pretty on with me. . .yes, I can own some depression entered my marriage, with me.

Now that I am divorced, I am happy, working, providing (well, having a hard time providing for 1.33 households with child support but nonetheless, struggling and working 2 jobs), but mostly, thank you for reminding what it's like to be with the Modern, Spoiled, American Woman nowadays.
 
#175 ·
Wow, for every one line of fact you have 2 lines of bull**** and 1 line of carefuly misplaced passed over fact. I wish I could be this good at propaganda.
Not that I disagree with everything the writer says (I tend to lean a bit on the conservative side) but damn, an ounce of objectivity would be nice.
 
#166 ·
"Come on guys. What's going on with you?"

That was the first line of your first post. First impressions are quite important. The first thing any man who pulls his weight does when he sees that is goes on the defensive.

"Good for you. You're one of the few."

That was post number 52. While claiming you where not generalizing in one breath, you would say things like this. I did eventualy get the point and attempted to provide awnsers to your intended questions but by that point it just became a match of people seeing who could piss the other off more (yes, you included).
One thing you will learn on this site is that many people are verry passionate about things that they can relate too (obviously yourself, and myslef included if you see the first post I made responding to you). Many people get stuck on one phrase or sentance and apply it to everything you say, and in doing so it drowns out the orginal intent of what you are saying. If you don't wish to have the fire brought your way then you should probibly leave out lines such as the ones I mentioned.
 
#171 ·
"Come on guys. What's going on with you?"

That was the first line of your first post. First impressions are quite important. The first thing any man who pulls his weight does when he sees that is goes on the defensive.

"Good for you. You're one of the few."

That was post number 52. While claiming you where not generalizing in one breath, you would say things like this. I did eventualy get the point and attempted to provide awnsers to your intended questions but by that point it just became a match of people seeing who could piss the other off more (yes, you included).
One thing you will learn on this site is that many people are verry passionate about things that they can relate too (obviously yourself, and myslef included if you see the first post I made responding to you). Many people get stuck on one phrase or sentance and apply it to everything you say, and in doing so it drowns out the orginal intent of what you are saying. If you don't wish to have the fire brought your way then you should probibly leave out lines such as the ones I mentioned.
:iagree::iagree:

One of my pet peeves is generalization. I always remind members that their experiences are not facts.

My husband is the main breadwinner, thank you very much! He is helping me pay for school, so that I can start a new career because the recession affected my industry. The man doesn't even want me to work while I am studying, so that I can concentrate on doing well and finishing quickly. My husband is a real man.

One of the few? :rofl: Most men that I have known pull their weight financially. I only know one man that refuses to work and sponges off of his partner.
 
#172 ·
@GREAT POINTS!!! I guess considering my personal situation I have nothing to say to this. I've been so hurt and beat up over the years by my husband and reading your comments hit too close to home. I think I can put a check mark on each and everyone of those points you've made. I guess he and I both are emotionally abusive towards one another.

So it sounds to me that if a man feels defeated, then there's no fixing him. He's simply broken until he enters a different situation. And if a woman is holding so much resentment that she can bearly stand, then there's no fixing her either. :scratchhead:

What about the men who aren't being emotionally abused and still don't step up?
 
#173 ·
@Firstyeardown, read all the posts before you make any more comments. You're a bit too late in the discussion to come with your attacks.

I've been over that discussion too manytimes to go there again.

I'm happy for you and your husband.
 
#189 · (Edited)
If you weren't so angry and defensive, you would realize that I did not attack you. I was merely stating that your situation is not necessarily the norm. During this entire thread, more than one member has noticed the chip on your shoulder. I'll bet you'll say that we are all incorrect or coming after you right? :rolleyes:

Perhaps your attitude contributes to the problems you have with your husband; the inability to acknowledge your part of the issues. It cannot be just about what one of you is doing wrong; it takes two.

When the recession hit in 2008, my husband went from making more than $80,000/yr to collecting 18,000/yr on unemployment benefits. He did not receive any severance, because the company he worked for went bankrupt. To make matters worse, this occured soon after my husband proposed. No matter where he looked, nobody would hire him for a year. This took a toll on our wedding dreams, as well as my husband's mental state. He became very depressed.

Even though I was sad and stressed, my husband and I bonded over this awful misfortune. I made love to him even more often, so that he could restore some of the lost pride. I kept a positive attitude and ignored people who told me to leave him, just because he didn't have nearly as much money as when we met.

It paid off in more ways than one. Our relationship was strengthened by the knowledge that we could handle financial difficulties. We learned that getting married was more important than the wedding, so we had something very intimate. There was also a sense of celebration when my husband found work in his field. Fast forward nearly two years later and he is once again making more than $80,000. My patience paid off.

I can certainly appreciate your frustration.
 
#180 · (Edited)
It may be how some people are raised. If someone grew up with a deadbeat parent, it could go one of two ways. They'll be lazy deadbeats too or they'll have a stronger drive because they want a better life than what they had growing up for both themselves and their families.

My husband and his brother are two such cases. They grew up very poor. Their father was a deadbeat who never held a job, and their mother was forced to work several low paying jobs just to keep a roof over their heads. Food was scarce and they often went without heat. Both men vowed their kids would never grow up like that. My husband and his brother are both hard working men who have, when necessary, taken on second jobs to make ends meet.

On the other hand, I have noticed a trend of people who grew up spoiled to be very entitled and less ambitious. Not all, just some, but that's the trend I see with adult aged kids never moving out of their parents house. They don't have to take care of anything, their parents do it all for them.

I don't know if your husband fits into either of these categories. I really don't have any personal experience with men like your husband. I grew up with a father who was a hard working, great provider who raised us to work for what we have and am married to a man who is also a hard working good provider. They've had other issues, but not being good providers weren't one of them! LOL

ETA: I guess I'm a very slow typer. Just saw after I posted that you mentioned your husband's upbringing.
 
#182 ·
When did men stop being men? Some have proposed feminism as the culprit. Others just society in general. Maybe even television. I often find that its easier to just accept the simplest solution. You see, when the aliens began swapping normal guys out for sissified doppelgangers...

Oh well... But I do know a guy named Ed who swears that he saw a UFO over McDonalds while he was waiting in the drive through line. He insists that he was barely stoned, too.

Honestly, its getting pretty popular to blame all of our woes on the people who don't pay their fair share in taxes. Can we blame them?

Regardless, there's not going to be any blameshifting in my camp. Really, the OP's husband didn't necessarily fail at being a man. He failed at being a married adult. That, to me, is the tradgedy.
 
#188 ·
RJ:

Your husband has basically given up and your trying to figure out why it happened. You're resentful from carrying a disproportionate amount of the financial and emotional load in your marriage. You're tired and upset that your life style has been impacted by your husband's lack of income. You get pissy when someone suggests you look inward for answers. You've pushed a few button's here (including mine) with your subject title and writing style yet you don't understand that you're actually asking a specific question about your marriage. Your anger and frustration comes across even when your responses are 100% appropriate. Its hard to miss. I'm going to suggest that you're currently so blinded by anger and resentment that you should not make any life altering decisions until you find a way to release the anger. Life is not fair. You can't change him. You can only change you.
 
#190 ·
RJ,

No, your husband had a good upbringing and a good model. . .and that's why I think there is an accurate generalization there. ( and I have always been one to generalize so I'm not calling foul). I am not sure why the forum thinks generalizations are so evil. Generalizations allow matters to be studied, trends noted, actions taken. It's not cool to just say, "Wow man. . .it's all relative man. . ." :)

And remember, let's say for arguement's sake, 90% of men in 1950 had a good work ethic. If that has generally degraded to 70%, well then, most men still have a good work ethic but you are right to note a trend.

I am validating what you are saying.

I don't know. . .it's a complicated world for simple creatures like men. My father just went out and "gotta job."

Even Stephen Covey has written the day and age of where you just sell your labor on a market is comign to a close for a pathway to success (and family provision).

I mean sure. . .most women SAY they don't care if their man works at 7-11. . .but I am not sure that proves true.

I think also, with divorce being more prevalent, men become less motivated to work when they are paying alimony/child support. When 15-35% of your income, AFTER TAXES, goes out to child support. . .well it's very tempting to just say, "F it". I don't fall into that trap of thinking, but I know a lot of men do (and I try to tell them not to fall into that trap).

Of coruse, thsi perhaps explains a decline outside of marriage, rather than inside, which is your main complaint, I realize.
 
#201 ·
I think also, with divorce being more prevalent, men become less motivated to work when they are paying alimony/child support. When 15-35% of your income, AFTER TAXES, goes out to child support. . .well it's very tempting to just say, "F it".
This one always perplexes me, because don't those men realize that when they were married that at least 15-35% of their income was being spent on child expenses anyway??? The only thing that changes with divorce is that they actually see "the bill" now in what it costs to raise their children. Yes, there's some extreme scenarios of child support payments when you start looking at rich couples' divorces, but a majority of the divorces at the blue collar level are pretty on target for what you have to pay as a divorced parent without custody.

Also, considering all those men now have to do is pay and not do a majority of the duties anymore, then isn't that "the dream 1960's scenario" for a man you were arguing for earlier in this thread? No more having to do the "woman's duties" of raising the children, you can just work (and pay) now.
 
#191 ·
You people can call me angry, say that I'm resentful because my marriage is hurting, suggest that my marriage is suffering because of my bad attitude, accuse me of being unwilling to recognize the issues within me, etc. I really don't give a damn to hear your opinions about me because this thread was never about ME!! It was about "men who don't provide for their families." If your husband provides for his family that's great, but that still doesn't mean that you don't have an opinion about men who don't provide for theirs.

I'm angry because I'm annoyed that so many of you have made this about my husband and I. I'm not trying to get advice from any of you. I was simply trying to learn your perception of men who don't provide. NOT MY MAN WHO DOESN'T PROVIDE.

But it doesn't matter at this point. I enjoyed the discussion with those who did stay on topic.
 
#192 ·
Not trying to be provocative here, but going along with the general topic as you've defined it.

Why do you think a man has to provide for his family? I mean, how do you define provide?

If a man stays home and takes care of the primary household and childcare duties, i.e., a SAHD, is he not providing for his family?

I think that there may be many ways of 'providing' - from having a job and pulling in income (anywhere from all of it to a small part of it) to single-handedly raising his kids.

I think the thing that is a-changing is the fact that there is not a single model for being a provider anymore, and that apparently can cause problems for some.

For example, we have a man in my community who lost his wife last year at 40 to colon cancer. She just had their 4th child 8 weeks before. He now has 4 children 5 and under that he is taking care of - that he is providing for. In olden times, a man would have looked for another woman to marry pronto to take care of his children. Today, a man can legitimately look after them himself. Isn't he still a man? Wow - this guy in my community is an uber-man in my eyes. :)
 
#194 ·
I agree that the examples above reveal a man who supports the well being of his family. However, there are men who don't do any of the things you've listed above.

Some men don't work, cook, clean, help the children in any way, etc. I think some people are assuming when I say "provide for his family" that I mean in the traditional form where he's financially supporting the household, but I'm not speaking from only the traditional sense. I'm considering any form of support to the family.

I had a cousin who actually had an audacity to say that he needs at least 16 hours of sleep a day. His wife worked and took care of their home. It's sad. I know another guy who claimed to need "daddy time" (as he referred to it) when he was gone 90% of the day and sleep the other 10%.

I just wondering what are these guys thinking. How do they even live with themselves maintaining their attitudes.
 
#193 ·
RJ,

It's a common debate tactic I have seen here. . .I call it the "psychoanalyze the question/comment" tactic, rather than discuss the issue at hand.

It's been used on me. . .only I know I'm nuts so I am not sure what they are gaining. :)

Well, I hope I helped somewhat. . .BTW, not saying I was right. . .just saying why I think there has been a general trend downward in work ethic.

I hope your marriage gets to a better place.
 
#203 ·
Bottled Up,

I agree. . .no argument. I counsel men that the child support payment is the child support payment.

I was just saying. . .when you see 15-35% of your money "evaporate" into nothingness, it can have an effect on your work ethic.

It hasn't on mine. . .I really want to earn more, so I can pay more child support. . .but I do kind of understand the mindset, even if I discourage it.
 
#205 ·
The "evaporation" of which you speak is to keep a roof over your children, food on the table, gas in the car, clothes on their backs, medicine in their bodies and hopefully a sports jersey on their person. If providing for their children is a chore, then perhaps their is a reason the marriage failed as that speaks volumes (to me) about a man's character. Not speaking to you Scanner, just the men in general that you mentioned.

Also, when did this tread become about feminism? Women have prevented men from being men? Hogwash. It's a choice. A man behaves exactly as he wants.
 
#216 ·
Seriously, what's going on guys???? Is it the food you're eating or what????
The family dynamic has changed. Many male dominated industries are becoming more and more automated. During war time a ballistic missile is much more cost effective than a troop of men.

Men are losing their place in the world, and dont know what to do.
 
#227 ·
Seriously, what's going on guys???? Is it the food you're eating or what????
I get your point. I'd be frustrated too. I also get your husbands lack of motivation. I too have heard more men being long term unemployed for whatever reason. It is quite sad really. Nobody wins here.

I tend to think it more of a reflection of the economy and the crappy nature of the work environment. Companies wring every bit of energy out of you that they can. Use you up, spit you out. So, I would blame economic woes rather than the idea that all of the sudden men are getting lazy. Who would be happy groveling for employment at a job that pays less than your old one?

I have a great job on paper. Yet I am demoralized every day. If I got laid off, I have no idea what I would do. Nobody would hire me for 1/2 of what I make now. I'd be depressed like your H.

Men are still men. Hope yours finds his bearings soon. Marriage requires everyone to do their part.
 
#228 ·
This does not explain why a man who is working part time or not working at all will not do anything around the house to help.

If I were unemployed I'd go out of my way to make life easier for my husband. Cleaning, cooking, yard work... etc. It's really not too much to expect that a man would do the same thing.
 
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